Monday, December 31, 2012

Keep your peace and joy!

Decide today what you are going to do and what kinda day it is going to be through depending on your Heavenly Father. Though hard and difficult may come your way trust Him through it all. Don't let your circumstances or difficult relationship or uncertainty determine your peace and joy. If you feel your peace and joy slipping away confess it to the Lord. Tell Him your burdens, then give them to Him. Ask Him to take you anxiety through prayer. Be anxious for nothing He tells us but to pray. That is because He knows we will become anxious and fearful but He tells us what to do when that happens. Run to the only secure and safe place, His loving arms. Ask Him to return to you your peace and joy by leaning on Him through it all.

This picture is the view I had this morning out my back door.  I watched it for about 10 minutes getting brighter and brighter.  Then the color was gone except in my mind and camera.  God is so good to give us moments like this that are spectacular.  What a wonderful creator our God is.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

We All Want Change

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.

This time of the new year brings the hope for change. A better year than last year. Lose weight. Stop those nagging addictions. Exercise and eat healthy. Be better organized. Love better. Hopefully sin less.
I can tell you I don't see true and lasting change come by New Years Resolutions. We start out with a bang and then the old pattern seep back in. We get tired of trying harder to be better. We give up and give in.

The change I see in my life comes through in several ways. These ways are...

Time spent in the presence of the Lord. Through prayer, meditation and receiving His love for me. Letting His word be written on my heart, The ongoing communion, unbroken union and reliance on the person of Christ and the Love of the Father brings about a likeness, faith, trust, a 
rest in Christ. A relationship like no other. A delighting and enjoying the trinity. 

Daily repentance. It is a turning from independence to dependence on God. A dying to my will and pride and growing in desiring His will and humility. It is like a walking, repentance, faith, left foot right foot. This can be a slow change or it can be life changing. I have a change of mind or heart through the work of the Spirit in me. What I believe affects everything I do.

Experiences, good but also through suffering. Suffering is a training, It brings, wisdom, thankfulness, strength in weakness, joy and peace in all circumstances. A longing for Christ and not the things of this world. You tire of having your own way in your own strength. It breaks you, humbles you, gives you a contrite heart. It teaches you what is important in life and what is fleeting with the things to be left behind. You identify with Christ. Your life brings Glory to God.

We not only influence others but others influence us. We see their example and make a conscience decision to be like them or not.

Live in the moment. Not that I don't plan but I don't want to waste today waiting for a tomorrow that never comes. To live in regret of a yesterday I can do nothing about.

The truth of the gospel in our everyday life. Through Christ life, death and resurrection we have the same power that raised Christ from the dead. He left His Spirit so that He might live His life through us.

There is always change for the worse or the better. Because of God and His grace and faithfulness to us...we change for the better.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Little Let Down

Am I the only one that feels a let down after Christmas. You worked really hard and the body has not recuperated yet. The tree is dead and the garland is falling off. Dread taking it all down and going up those stairs to the attic. Last day to do something with the leftovers. Maybe you ask yourself if you spent too much money or should have given that other person more time or a gift. The people are gone and the parties are over. The excitement and anticipation of it all have passed away. Gifts have to be exchanged and can't find the receipts. Missing those that didn't come or those that are in eternity your heart aches to see. Shedding a tear or two. Maybe scared of what the new year will bring financially or to those you love or health issues that have to be solved or treated? To top it off the stomach is a little queazy. Surely its not the flu. Feel a little melancholy but decided you won't get depressed.
It is time to worship. Time to spend quiet with the Lord, maybe with listening to Matt Redman songs like I am. Return to your first love. Soak up His extreme love for you. Remembering the real reason for Christmas. Letting your heart be filled with an inner peace and joy at His coming to enter in to you and live through you. Just be still and feel His inner presence. Let Him renew your strength, bring back the passion for Him, give you that thankful heart in all circumstances. Just in knowing and loving Him and by Him.

Monday, December 24, 2012

God loves Presents

God loves Presents...

The Widow’s Gift

21 And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury. 2 And He saw a poor widow putting [a]in two [b]small copper coins. 3 And He said, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them; 4 for they all out of their [c]surplus put into the [d]offering; but she out of her poverty put in all [e]that she had to live on.”

I have heard Christmas is not about the presents under the tree it is about Jesus. This is the first Christmas I have seen the connection between our celebration of Christmas and Jesus being born. It seems so obvious now.

From the star on top of the tree that lit the way to Jesus that night. To the celebration with friends and family all through the holidays. Symbolizing the coming of the Shepherds to see the Savior that was born. Then the coming of the wise men to see this King. Bringing gifts, wonderful gifts. It was a celebration.

It was God joining us so we could join Him. He was entering our world in the most humble way. It was a quiet shout from God just how much He loves us and what links He would go to show us that love. There was going to be a separation that had never occurred before to bring us into a unity with the Father, Son and Spirit that would never be separated. The Father was giving His children the first and most wonderful gift that could possibly be given, His Son.

I believe God gets great delight out of giving and receiving presents. It is interesting to me He did not tell the widow, "keep your money, it is all you have, you will need it". He adored her giving, her heart in giving all she had to Him. He not only wants us to give all we have but He wants us to give it with our whole heart. He gave us His heart in His Son. He expects no less from us to Him and to each other. He gave us His dearest gift, our Savior, that keeps on giving.  He gave us all He had.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Please help

I am going out on a limb by saying what I am about to say. Every human being needs to be educated on mental health. You can go to NAMI website. National Alliance of the Mentally Ill and educate yourself for yourself and your loved ones. There are warning signs of those with illusions and delusions if you know what 
to look for. The government should be investing more into mental health instead of less each year. One in four will suffer sometime in their life with mental issues of some kind. This disease can not be ignored nor excused. We must fight this horrible disease with all our might. How many warnings do we need to take action? It is a matter of life and death. Let your voice be heard to you senators and congressman. I do not know if this is the situation with this man that committed this violent act to the innocent people but I have heard he was a very disturbed young man. These killing cannot go on and us not try to do something to prevent them.

Please read the following post Evil has not won if you haven't already.  Thank you.

Evil has not won

The pain must seem unbearable to these families that lost their children and loved ones today.  I lost a stillborn child but I never said his prayers with him or tucked him in bed.  Fed him or played endlessly watching him laugh and giggle.  I cannot imagine how it is to lose an older child and this way.  Or a loved one.  I pray Gods presence and grace is with these families and sustains them with His peace in their grief.  I pray for the words and strength for those who are there to comfort them.  That our prayers lift them up.

As I was up praying and grieving for these families and their loss tonight and just couldn't sleep.  THoughts came through my mind...when will you return Lord?  When will you take away all evil and make all things right.   I don't understand this.  I know you weep with those who weep.  But then I thought what beauty has been added to heaven with the arrival of these today.  We will see them one day worshiping our Lord.  THeir families will be united with them.

I have found that sometimes pain and suffering and loss can make you turn on each other.  Drive you apart.  You blame each other.  I pray during this time these families and friends draw closer to each other as never before.  And to our God.

It seems that evil has won but at the cross Jesus broke the chains of death.  Then people grieved and felt hopeless but the greatest miracle of all time was taking place.  Evil was being defeated and the victory over death was being won.  Jesus is our hope at times like these.  May we draw near to Him and Him to us.  May we seek His presence with our whole hearts. Love our loved ones as never before.  Make amends.  Take hold of the power that is ours as believers in defeating sin in our lives.  Lord may we believe more than we ever have before.  May we realize that the very Spirit of God lives within each of us and us in Him for us to live forever and share in His glory, peace, joy and growing love and knowledge of Him.  Evil has not won.  THere is victory for those of us who believe.  Death is not the end but the beginning of eternal life with the Saints of old, with each other and with God.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas
Just went through gathering from the farm. Cedar, magnolia leaves, holly and eucalyptus. Don't tell my son yet but mostly from his yard. Kinda like he comes in and takes from my pantry and refrigerator at night. Tell him we are even lol. The lights are on the tree.  Waiting for my husband to tie it to the window.  It fell last year.  Got the wood for the fireplace. Got the chili on and hopefully making brownies. Got the nativity in place. The music nearby.  Everything is out for the den. Having a cup of c
offee. Would rather it be a glass of wine but that is another story. Anyway sitting here taking before pictures. If there is an after picture anytime soon I will show you the before ones at the same time lol. Missing family but other than that is it beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Jesus is in this Place and in my heart for all of you.

Monday, December 10, 2012

What do you Do?

What do you do when you have been misunderstood and hurt someone. Then not given the opportunity to try and make it right? I have been thinking...
You can worry about it and it will make you angry or depressed. Or you can let it go like nothing every happened. Or you can turn it over to God. Then ask Him to heal you and their hurt. He is a redeemer!
Life can be so dang complicated. It ought so be so simple. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and your neighbor as yourself.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Through the Fire

A friend of mine posted this morning that we all have needs. The need to be accepted, secure, listened to, have compassion and love. That when we meet other needs we find our own met. I so want to do this to others. I have been shown this so much through all you people of grace. I have been through the fire and you and the Lord have walked with me through it. I am coming out of it now and I
have such a heart of love and gratitude it has to go somewhere or I feel like I will explode. It is overflowing and it cannot be contained. It is given to me to be given away. When we go through suffering His love and glory is revealed in us. We are like beautiful stones in His crown of glory.

The Lord their God will save them on that day as the flock of his people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. Zechariah 9:16

Friday, December 7, 2012

I believe

When I was a little girl, we lived by a lake made swimming pool.  In the middle of it was a high dive.  I wanted to go off that high dive so bad but was scare to go.  My dad said he would stay at the bottom and be there when I jumped off.  I climbed the stairs to the top of the platform.  Walked out on the diving board and looked for my dad.  I jumped way out.  I wanted to be really close to him when I landed.  It is a wonder I didn't jump on top of him.  Sure enough, when I came up, my dad had moved right where I had landed and was right there to get me.  I think of that child like faith I had that day.  Trusting my dad to be there for me.

For the last few months I have struggled with tremors, shaking and couldn't sit still.  Even my mouth kept moving back and forth.  Sick at my stomach.  Especially in the morning.  This really wasn't an issue to me though.  It was the seemly anxiety attacks that were on going.  When I would share this people would encourage me in my faith.  I kept thinking if I would just trust Christ more.  If I would let go of my circumstances this shaking would stop.  I didn't know of anything particular I was afraid of at the time.  But circumstances were difficult for me.  So I thought Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

I thought of Peter.  Who walked with the Lord for three years.  He told the Lord he would die for Him. The Lord told Peter you will deny me three times Peter.  Peter did go on to deny Christ three times cursing and saying he had never known Jesus.  When they were looking for Jesus to crucify Him.  Peter repented and Christ went on to build the church with Peter.

As it turned out I was having an allergic reaction to some medication. I surrender my heart and my life daily to the Lord. I tell Him every morning I want what you want.  I want to do what you would have me do.  But I know, like Peter, my faith may fail me at any time. Sometimes my pride keeps me from trusting God.  I want to be God and do it on my own.  I am learning though through suffering to trust Him more.   God is gracious in giving me faith.  But still if my eyes get on me I am either puffed up and proud because I think I have faith.  Or I am defeated because I think I have none.  My eyes must be kept on Jesus.  That He lives in me and me in Him and His faith never ever will fail me.  He is even faithful to the faithless because to deny me would be for Him to deny Himself.  I am His child.  He will never turn His back on me.  He will never leave me or let me go.  Nothing can separate me from His love.  I am forever His.

I believe it is not how much faith you have but who you have faith in.  We are told if we have the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains.  We also are told we can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I must keep my eyes on Jesus and His faithfulness.  That is when I have faith.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Be Aware

After the tremors and anxiety keep getting worse. I called my doctor today. I am on a new med and each time we have increased it but the initial taking it, I have gotten more anxious. We thought the increase would help but instead I have had an allergic reaction to it. I called my pharmacy and got him to read me the side effects and it is tremors, anxiety and more that is going on with me. 
o thank you all, with all my heart for praying. I hope this is the reason this has been going on. I start an antidote as soon as I get it.
This is a good warning to read all your meds side effects and look for changes in yourself. I usually do this faithfully but just didn't this time. I did wonder early on but got no real answer. We have to keep on top of our health. I hope this saves someone from going through something like this. It is going to take me a while to get straightened back out. As we kept increasing, on my suggestions mostly. These meds have to be tweaked and it is a guessing game and being aware to just how to are responding. Others can help pinpoint changes in you also. So you need your family, doctors, friends even counselor all working together to keep yourself healthy as possible. Now I can pretty much just tell myself when something is just not right. But welcome others opinions.

Find one pharmacy you trust and stick with them.  I had a friend on several different meds and different people giving them to her.  Which is usually the case.  She had to get off so many because how they were interacting together.  Your pharmacy can help you keep an eye on this if you ask.  He can tell you what you can mix with what you are taking.  And side effects.  They are very wise.

So look after your health.  Your doctor I am sure is good.  Mine is excellent.  But he doesn't know my body like I do.  I have a specialist for almost everything that I have a problem with.  They need to all work together.  Have your test records sent to all your doctors if related and give them all the meds you are taking.
Well that is it for now.  Good health to you.

Monday, December 3, 2012

God Looks on the Heart

1 Samuel 16:7
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for [a]God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Man looks on the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart? Have you ever ask the Spirit to reveal your hear
t to you. What do you see? Mercy, Peace, Joy, Love, Patience? All the fruit of the Spirit?

Or do you see unforgiveness, sadness, anger, bitterness, resentment? Only the Lord can change the heart. Give yourself grace. It can take time to change a heart. Keep going to Him for comfort, love, healing, wisdom.

The heart is the wellspring of life. Let Jesus give you this life. There is nothing like it no matter how difficult your circumstances are. Because it is the very life of Jesus living in and through you.

Friday, November 30, 2012

To Those Who Wait

Isaiah 40:31
Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:30-31

I am not sure I know of anything harder than waiting. We wait for the arrival of a baby being born. The news we have been hired or fired. THe answer from the doctor. We or they pass or fail. Will the loan come through. The tax return. The coming of a new day. The answer yes or no. From the response of someone we love, will you or will you not. Waiting on God to answer or to move. Waiting is tough.

I sometimes get anxious waiting.  God is working patience in my heart.  I think will this sanctification process hurry up.  I long for the day I will sin no more.  When I will not hurt anyone intentionally or unintentionally.  I hate both.

Have you ever reached a point where there is absolutely nothing you can do for yourself or someone else but trust.  I guess they call that hitting bottom.  I thought I had hit it before but guess not.  I am in a place of complete helplessness as far as me rescuing those I love.  I feel like I am in a pit with my back side up and the only way to look is up.  All I can say is help me Jesus.  Help.

Sometimes the waiting is to increase our faith in order to be able to face the result that is about to come.  It maybe painful and we may become distraught.  But we must not lose hope.  We must continue to wait on the Lord.  He is in the waiting as a butterfly is in a cocoon.  On the outside it looks like nothing is happening.  But on the inside is a beautiful butterfly being created.  So is Jesus in us.  We may look the same on the outside but tremendous change is taking place on the inside.  It is an active waiting not passive.  We are being made in the image of Christ our Lord.  He is strengthening  our faith.  Deepening our relationship with Him.  Beyond anything we can imagine.

Why you?  This is my own observation.  He knows you are willing.  He is taking you into the suffering of waiting to renew you.  So you will run and not get tired.  So you will walk and not become weary.  All this is coming about in your waiting.  He promises.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Anxiety. My Thorn.

Seems like I just can't catch up on rest. Haven't been doing much over the last couple of days. Think I had so much fun over Thanksgiving it has worn me out.
I was just thinking as I sat out on my porch...Lord you really do love me whether I have a very physically productive day or whether I rest. I ask myself do I feel as valuable to God even though I am tired and anxious and don't get much accomplished?
I have talked to H
im through out my days of rest and had Him on my mind. I believe He has watched over me and has blessed my rest.
As far as the anxiety...I have prayed and prayed the Lord would remove it. He hasn't. I feel like Paul, who ask the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh three times. The Lord did not remove Pauls thorn, whatever it was. We don't know. What we do know is the Lord said my grace is sufficient for you. This anxiety keeps my mind on the Lord and keeps me crying out to Him for His presence and love to be with me. He is saying, I never left. I am enough for you and more.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Rejection...We all hate it.

Rejection...we all hate it. We go to great links to not be rejected. We will strive to please others. Do the right thing. Say the appropriate thing. All for the sake of not being rejected.

When we are rejected we will go back and question our motives.  What we said wrong.  What we did.  Beat ourselves up for bad decisions.  We will hear the can't do anything right.  Or question is God good.  Can He really redeem. Or we may say I don't need them anyway.  I can do this on my own. We let the rejection identify us instead of who we are in Christ.

The world will tell you we don't have enough self esteem. You need to just believe more in yourself. Build your confidence. You need to love yourself before you can love others.

Jesus was rejected and despised. He was left on the cross alone rejected by the world and His Father on our behalf. Not only that He suffered the pain and suffering you and I feel all at once. He went through every emotion and physical suffering we can ever experience alone. He was rejected so we can be accepted by the Father forever. God is not angry with you ever because of your sin or any thing you might do. His anger was turned on His one and only Son instead of us. We forever have His favor. He is on our side. Working on our behalf for good. Even the worse thing that you might be going through God is working something good for you out of it.

So if we have the total acceptance of the Father we should not fear rejection. But be in awe of God and listen to His voice and leading of His SPirit and His word through Jesus living in and through us. Fear of man should not direct us but Jesus. Perfect love cast out all fear.  That perfect love is the Love of God for you!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Go Tell

Would each of you tell two people about desperate delight?  It is my desire that others see Gods faithfulness through my life.  I would love your comments or questions.  I may not know but I will find out.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

His well never runs dry

I was just laying here relaxing and know I haven't seen my coat. I have several light weight jackets but only one warm coat. I have gone through and gotten rid of so many things lately I wonder if I given my only coat away. It is getting cold. I am going to have to go shopping or something, which I hate to do. I really like my old coat.  We kinda had a history together.  Maybe I put it somewhere thinking I will put it here and I will not forget where I put it and crap. I forgot.
I know this is a silly comparison but I am so glad God doesn't misplace things I really need. He is always there. Meeting my every need. He has it all right at his finger tips ready to give to me. I don't have to worry.  I need your love Father.  I can't make it without your Mercy Lord.  I have screwed up again...What if I need more forgiveness and it is all gone. But I need your peace and joy Lord. I am anxious and afraid. Can you increase my faith.  Why is there none left. What am I going to do without your mercy. Has it all run out?  If I sin, do you misplace your favor?  When I am hurting and need you is the compassion not going to be there?
No Gods merciful gifts never runs out. He is always ready to meet our every need for everyone, according to His riches and glory. His gifts are never ending. It is like a bottomless well. It just keeps going deeper and deeper and deeper. You can't need more than God has to give. He is the great redeemer. If He would give His one and only Son to you what else would He possibly withhold from you.  He makes all things beautiful and right and that is His glory. I mess everything up and God brings something better than I need or hope for or imagine our of it. He is amazing.
We don't have to wonder is there enough to go around for all His children of anything. He is the great provider. He multiplies. He is bountiful. He is full of riches and glory.
At my aunts house in the country.  We use to go to visit there on Sunday afternoons.  She had a well in the back yard.  It was deep and dark.  We always had water.  Sometimes it was slow and sometimes it was a little muddy and we would have to boil it but I never saw it run dry as a young girl.  But years later that old well did run dry.  We never have to fear that with God.  Gods well is always pure and clean and full and it never runs dry.  It always quenches a thirsty soul.  It is there for the taking. It fills our souls to overflowing.  Christ told the woman at the well I will give you a living water where you will thirst no more.
I will get a new coat. I can do that. But the things I need from God I can't get or manufacture. Only He can meet the thirst of my heart and soul. Only His love is rich and deep and wide and high. So my daughter tells her children. To the moon and back.  You can't earn it.  You can't lose it.  Nothing can separate you from it.  We just have to learn to take it in more and more.

Friday, November 23, 2012

He who is forgiven much loves much

OK, Well, day two over. I have seen over 70 people in the last two days. Not bad I would say for someone dealing with anxiety issues. And I feed a lot of these people to my delight. The macaroni got done. The two dozen eggs finally got filled. We had enough tea and deserts for everyone.
Today we had some of my husbands family and then tonight my sons rodeo friends. I was so delighted. Got
 to spend the day with friends just sitting on the porch and laughing and talking. A gorgeous day. So missed my two daughters and one daughters children. I ache it is such a miss. Did I eat? I can't remember. It really didn't matter. Just so everyone else did. I prayed tonight Lord you know those loaves and fishes? Please multiply this food. Please let everyone be filled and not have to go get pizza.
Some of the guys are going to camp out and go hunting in the morning. My daughter is making breakfast casserole. Then stone ground grits. I am eating earlier with friends. Then make it back home to see the guys hunt.
You know all this is great. Two great days. All but about 30 min when I hurt my husband and he hurt me. It still is not good. I ache inside.
I remember the story of the prostitute sat as Jesus feet. Simon Peter, I think, said do you know who this woman is? She is a sinner. Jesus said if a man owes a lot to a man and one owes little and both are debts are forgiven which one is more appreciative. Peter said I guess the one who is forgiven a lot. I am paraphrasing here.
Jesus said I came into your house. You did not kiss my feet. This woman has kissed my feet and put perfume on them. She has wiped my feet with her hair.
Those who are forgiven much love much. I say...those who know how much they are forgiven forgives others and love them very much.
I know how much I have sinned and how much the Father has forgiven me. I can't make it right. I can't heal the hurt or fix the pain. I can't take back the words. All I know to do is pray.
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Thursday, November 22, 2012

One Down, One To Go

Well one down, one to go.  I had great expectations for today.  We were going to be with people we love.  Tomorrow we are having Thanksgiving again here with family and friends.
I got up at 5.  Began cooking soon after.  Then I began to get anxious.  So much to do so little time to get it done.  Could I do it all.  I wanted everything to be so good for everyone to enjoy.
I told my husband I just wasn't going today I had to much to do for tomorrow. He said we wouldn't stay long.  He insisted so I went and got my Lexapro at the drug store.  I thought I am just going to have it with me if I get there and get anxious.  Well I didn't take it I was fine.  As a matter of fact I took pictures of everyone all afternoon and I loved doing it.  We had such fun.
Then it got around 5 o'clock and I was getting tired. I thought we were just going to stay a while.  We were all having so much fun with our wonderful friends.
 Thinking of all I still had to do.  I ask my husband if we could leave.  He was not ready. I cannot tell you how I felt.  I felt trapped.  He also promised we would go by another house on the way home.  People I love.  Later we did leave and had an argument on the way home. But I panicked.   I said things I should not have said.  It was not pretty.
So Thanksgiving is over and I feel like crap.  I have hurt someone I care about.  And he hurt me.  I am sorry doesn't even seem to touch it.  So we mull...
What happened?  It was such a great day.  I had such great plans and expectations.  So much sin came out in our words.  I am so disappointed.  I am suppose to be thankful and not angry.  Where did that come from?
Lord I need your grace.  I blew it bad.  I am so tired but that is no excuse.  Words are damaging and hurtful. and you can't take them back.  God can heal and forgive.  He is still at work even though things seems like such a mess.  Why do I always gets these high expectations for the holidays and then when they don't meet them I don't know how to respond.
I tried to explain to my husband just now.  Don't think he understands.  I want to get stronger.  I just don't know how right now.  Please pray for us.  I am such a mess.  I hate this illness right now and what it does to those around me.  It makes me never want to leave home again and I know that is not right.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving...Its here

Was in the grocery yesterday. I said hello. She said I thought that was you. You shopping for the holidays. I said yes. She said I hate the holidays. Too much trouble. What is everyone going to bring. I just slightly smiled. I remember when I felt that way too.
Don't want to put a damper on your holiday but I know of 3 people who are homeless personally this holiday. One is having pizza 
on Fri with her family. It doesn't matter what you have. Or where you live. Or who you are with. Or what kinda person you are. Maybe you have blue hair and a short skirt with boots. Maybe no teeth. Maybe no job. Maybe your children are away. You are alone. I have more food than I can put in my refrigerator. I am inviting all I can find. What matters?
What matters is that you know of the love and grace of our Lord Jesus. He has showered His unconditional love for us undeservingly throughout eternity. He lives in and through you. You are His home. It is not whether you have a home it is where is His home. He will provide for you. He promises. Doesn't mean it won't be hard.
Some people would rather have no home than the problems they have in the home they have. Some have been abused. Cheated. Sinned against. It is so hard sometimes. It doesn't really matter what is going on. We are never content or satisfied unless Jesus has shown us His love beyond measure to our souls.
My heart aches and is so fun of joy I cannot contain it. Seek His face and His peace and joy whether you have an abundance material and physically or whether you are struggling in your life beyond comprehension. Or just because. I love you dear friend. Happy Thanksgiving...Blessings.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Don't Wait

There are a lot of you who read the last post. I want to share something with you my daughter shared with me who is getting her masters in christian counseling. If you have a severe depression, anxiety, delusions or illusions it is very rarely that it is just a sin problem. That it is usually biological. That means that it can be more complex than just repenting of your sin of unbelief. It ma
ybe spiritual but also it can be physical and mental. We all deal with unbelief, depression at times. But you know if yours is severe or magnified. If you have struggled for weeks on end and nothing is bringing you out of it. Then there is a chance you need additional help.
I am dealing with my need to control my circumstances and feel comfort. With my unbelief that God is good and that I can trust Him. But I am also going to see my dr tomorrow. I want to be healthy and whole to live more the life CHRIST would have me live. To be able to go and do and experience this wonderful gift of life and love others in the midst of it.
So let me encourage you. Get healthy. Whatever it takes. Deal with your feelings before God and your disappointments. Read the Psalms and worship your creator who is for you and never angry with you. He loves you unconditionally and is forever on your side. But if the Spirit is nudging you as I write this that there might be more help needed for you to be as healthy as you can be. Go with it friend. God has given us so much at our disposal that never was here and available before. Lets join hands to live life to the fullest possible. Love you all in Christ.

Lets get Real

We hear how we Christians have peace and joy. How we are not to fear. Not be anxious. His way is light.
I have been diagnosed with sever depression in the past. Funny I don't feel depressed. But are my feelings honest and truthful or am I lying to myself?
Someone in my family said no one wants to hear about sad stuff. Well sometimes life is sad and hard and suffering. My last 15 years have 
been this way. Oh I have had a lot of great times with family and friends but it has seemed the suffering went on and on. I have spent much time at home by myself. I enjoy being by myself and with the Lord so I didn't pay much attention. But I was isolating and being frozen.
I went on trips at times and visited family without much problem but then there would be times I would run from doing things I really wanted to do because I was anxious about leaving my home. I remember hearing about people that did this years ago and I thought how can that be? Well I am honestly admitting it is me.
I decided a few weeks ago no more. I am going and doing things. Being with people and letting nothing hold me back. Life is short. I am going to learn to live and enjoy people more than I have. Well I did do this but found myself being anxious all the time.
When I shared this with others they suggested I read the Psalms. THat maybe my unbelief was causing a panic. I realized that trying to move to the peace and the joy without sharing my pain with my heavenly Father was causing me to be anxious. I was denying and stuffing my feelings instead of dealing with them honestly before and with God.
In this life the Christian is promised suffering. God is making us into the image of His Son. We are being pruned. We are dying to ourselves. Christ says He left suffering for the Church to do. Why do we deny our pain and fear and suffering? We are to lift one anothers burdens. Jesus weeps with those who weep. He catches our tears in a bottle.
The way to peace and joy is to be honest about our pain and worries and suffering with others and with God. Listen to John Lynch, New Testament Gamble on you tube. We are to take our mask off that says we are fine just fine. We become ok with our struggles and our weakness. That is when the Power of the Spirit is active in our life. We are to get real.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Dependent on my Daddy

If you have never suffered from depression, anxiety or add or any kind of mental illness you may not can relate to me on the full level but maybe some.
I woke early. Just spending time with the Lord. Talking to my Daddy. Letting Him love on me and me Him. Then I began to think about my day.
Lord, If you don't plan it out and tell me what to do step by step I am lost. I need you. I need you t
o tell me what to do today. It began to unfold just what I was to do. I went to the bedroom organizing, stripping beds, dusting. Then to the bathrooms, cleaning, throwing away and putting things in their place. All the time washing bed linens and clothes and bath mats. I would stop ever so often and say, now what Lord. I have done this now give me the strength to do the next thing.
Isn't this amazing. How dependent I am on God.
My husband was a very successful college football coach. And I played the part perfectly. I kept the family going. The coaches wives were my family. I gave parties to the team and recruits families, the staff. I did interviews to the television, newspaper, magazines, churches, women's groups, fca, Christian woman's club, who ever would let me come talk. I told about God and His love for us.
I was strong and self reliant. We had four children and I raised them almost alone because of the demands on my husbands job. Family living far away. I had them in three schools at the same time. All their activities and church functions and with their friends and trying to see their dad when possible. There was nothing I could not do. I would suck it up, pull up my bootstraps and get it done.
Then my husband lost his job. I still held things together. Three years we were out of coaching and right back in again.
After three years my life completely fell apart. My husband lost his job, his parents, I had multiple surgeries, so much more. I was stripped of my family, my sufficiency and my strength. I was nothing. I found myself in a mental hospital behind locked doors.
The next 16 years were in and out of hospitals. Rescues from suicidal attempts from delusions and illusions. In and out of reality. What was I to do. Just sit with Jesus and not move on with life. Would He want that.
Now I am here. Some of the same struggles. But I am in reality. I am living and loving people and moving out beyond myself and my isolation. Life is still a struggle at times but it is good and God is powerful and I am amazed. I know of Gods unconditional, ravishing love toward me. And i cannot refuse it or Him. He is irresistible. He is my maker and my KIng.
I will never be the same again but I don't want to be. I want to be dependent on God and need Him for my every need. I love people and life but Jesus is first in my life. I thank Him for stripping me of all my sufficiency and giving me Himself. I could not be happier. The joy and peace I have is beyond comprehension.  Just dependent.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Life of Surrender

Ya want to know why I have written today. Well for the last week I have found myself being anxious. In some ways this is not new to me. But since this eye opening message of grace to my heart it is new.

I am thinking...if I admit to being anxious they will think it is not real, this message of grace or that I do not believe it. Lord I prayed, over and over, remove this anxiety. Give me peace 
in all circumstances. Scripture says be anxious for nothing but pray. So I prayed and prayed and prayed.

Yes circumstances were different and difficult. But I wanted this peace in the midst of it all.
Then, I knew others were praying, I prayed. Lord you know me. You created me in your image. Before the beginning of time you knew I would be dealing with this. I want to praise you for who I am right now. You allow in my life what will bring me closer to you and know you more deeper and fuller. What will cause me to depend and rely and trust in you. That is my surrender to you to live your life fully in and through me. Amen.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

God, What are You Doing?

I want to say something and I don't quiet know how to say it.  I am a city girl at heart and yet I find myself out here on this farm with cows and their crap, mud, horses, critters.  People eating deer and frog legs and dove.  Sometimes I love it so much I can't believe God has given me this opportunity with my husband, son and grandson.  To enjoy them and Gods nature.  The breath taking sunrises and sunsets I love to photograph.  The green pastures and the ponds.  Ponds I have swam in with the cows. Horses I have ridden.  Incredible peace I have found here. Then sometimes I want to say God!  What on earth are you doing?  I can't deal with this mess and dirt.  The gross clothes and crappy shoes and boots.   Just give me a subdivision, Lord.
God will pick you up and plant you where He wants you to be.  You may say that is easy for you to say you have a good life.  My life has not been easy.  Because of my husband and God I have never wanted for anything materially.  But life has been hard.  From struggling with mental illness, to things within and with my family.  We know what suffering is.
I am almost at the point of thanking God for everything we all have been through.  It is harder with my kids than with me.  But if I believe God will use everything in their life like He has mine how can I doubt the really hard stuff is from Him and for good.
God has built our house.  It is one of His glory.  Relationships have been mended.  Our dysfunctions have been redeemed.  Love has been given.  Wounds have been healed.  God has stretched us each to find our own way to a Savior that never lets us go.  He has brought life and joy and peace to a person that knew no peace.  He has blessed us with all the things in heavenly places.  And He will you too.  Just know He hangs on to you.  Keep your eyes and your faith fixed on Him.  But He is the one that will be faithful even when you blow it.  He is merciful and kind and good.
I don't want to imply we have arrived.  We still have our struggles.  I have got some kind of anxiety going on now when I leave the house.  Not sure where it is coming from.  I just say my prayers, jump in my car and He brings me out of it.  We have a child struggling.  But she is amazing.  Her faith and fullness she is experiencing in Christ.  All my children are overcomes and are thankful for Gods blessings and goodness in their lives.  I am so thankful for each one.  Maybe your child or family is far away from you.  That doesn't mean it will always be that way.  But if so...God is enough.  I promise you He is working in ways you cannot fathom.  The circumstances have nothing to do with your relationship with God except that you learn to depend and be satisfied in Him.  You cannot make yourself do this.  But He is about bringing us each there.  To His loving embrace.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

My How Time Flies!

The older I get the more time flies. The hours, the days, the weeks, months and years. Seems like it was just yesterday and it was summer. Now the holidays are approaching. I know when you are younger this is not so much the case. But seize the moment. It will happen. 
My mom use to say don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today. Do you have a dream? Somewhere you wish you could visit
? Someone you would love to be with, an old friend, family or maybe someone you have never met but always wanted to meet. A ministry you wish you could do but you keep putting it off. Something you have always had a heart for but just never saw it happening. Maybe exercise or eat healthier. Maybe forgive someone and reconcile with them. Maybe confront someone that has wronged you or you have wronged and you know you both need to talk it out. Maybe spend more time letting Jesus and the Father love on you and you on them. Visit that person that is not doing well, mentally or physically or spiritually. Enjoy exploring a new gift you have always wanted to do. Maybe go back to school for fun or career. It is never too late to learn. Read or write that book. Write that letter or email. Make that call. Reach out to that person on your heart. Learn to rest body, soul and Spirit.
Tomorrow is the Sabbath. In your time with the Lord think about what you have always wanted to do but haven't. We only have this one life to make a difference in the life of someone else. Don't worry about what you haven't done. Just let it motivate you to do now. Get excited about it. Tell someone your plans that will encourage you on. Spend time with God. Make sure it is what God has planned for your life and then go for it. Don't sweat over it. Just take the first giant step toward life.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Where is Gods Heart?

It is no secret the election was today. Most of all this has gone over my head. I have known who I was voting for. Just by living you can gain that much information. About 2:30 I walked in, voted and left. 

My husband has built a fire in the fireplace. I have made chili. The television with the voting is playing. I am sitting on my leather sofa. With my laptop computer. A blanket around 
my feet. What more could I want.

My heart is not home or with the election. I have said my prayers and done my part. The rest is up to the Almighty God who holds our future in His hands. I rest in that.

So where is my heart? It is cold outside. What must it feel like to have no home? Maybe on the streets going through withdrawals? Maybe lost my job, or my husband or my family? Picking up tin cans for my next meal? Maybe feeling like the only way out is to steal or prostitute. Maybe I've been raped or had an abortion. Feeling desperate for God, and relationships and survival. Maybe sick and hurting and can't stand the pain much longer. Maybe so much conflict I just want to hide. Maybe so mentally disturbed I can't know reality from a delusion. The anxiety is so great I cannot leave my room. I don't want to go on. LIfe is too hard. What about those questioning if God loves them. Is what they have heard about His love for them is true. Or what about those that haven't heard of His grace and love and justice and faithfulness at all.

So I ask myself. Where is Gods heart tonight? I will tell you where it is. It is with those with the most power, our government. And it is with the broken hearted. The lowly. The hurting. He is the King of kings and He knows when a sparrow falls from a tree. He is mighty and great and compassionate. He is active in the lives of His people. Nothing is too big or too small or His care. He lowers the mountains and raises the seas. He makes our ways straight. He names the stars and rises and set the sun. He is personal and intimate and loving and He is our Father. He is faithful to His own. He is true. He is Holy and good.

 If you don't know this God who died for you, come to Him now. Get a glimpse of His unconditional love and grace for you. He wants your heart with all His heart. Confess you sins and trust Him with your life. He wants to live in and through you. Know that because of the death of His Son on the cross for you your sins are forgiven. If you know this know it again and again and again. Deeper and richer and fuller that you have ever known Him and His love before. He is mighty and majestic and He is as close as a whisper. If you listen you can hear His heartbeat. Feel the warmth of His breath. Share in the passion He has for you and you for Him. 

I love you God. Father, Son and Spirit.
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