God has a better plan for me...than me.

God who has ordained our trails, has already made a way of escape.

How could voices in my head be the will of God I protested.  How could it be Gods perfect plan for my life.

I knew that God heard my words, but the voices I heard were not His.  So can God relate and use our circumstances to speak to our hearts?  Yes and in any way He chooses.  He is God!  

I had no idea that I was actually fighting the very sovereignty of God in my life. I knew God was good.

 I couldn't see what God was doing.  I actually said, He had stopped using the mental illness.  It was up to me to change it.   I thought...these voices have got to stop to be in Gods will.  But they persisted.  I had come to the end of me knowing I was completely powerless to stop the voices.  At one point they were so condeming...I was silenced.  All I could do was to lay at the feet of Jesus.

I began to surrender as I prayed...God I don't know what to do about the voices.  But would you use them for me to know you better?

I began to see how God had continued to use my illness and the struggles in my life, in good, and redeeming ways.  I began to rejoice and thank God once again for my suffering.  My lesson here is God is working even when you can't see it.

So I move my life and myself back into the very life and love of Jesus.  Letting go of the life I wanted but taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  I have to have discernment and wisdom from Gods word and the help of the Spirit.  The help of a good friend.

Is what I am hearing a lie or is this something good.  For me to know Him better.  It is clear to me I cannot stop the voices.   I should not let my thoughts go wild.  The Spirit has given me self control so many times.  I am learning how I can do things to help but yet the voices still remain.  Often  times Jesus quiets the voices.  At times I just speak His powerful name and they stop.   I ask Jesus to slow down my racing thoughts and He does.  I have come to reject the voices when they condemn me.  I know they are not from Jesus, but the world the flesh and the devil.  

Jesus has held on to me through the worse for me.  But by His grace today I grab hold of my Savior and risk it all.  

There is no life without risk. 

No love without pain.

No joy with out death.

No glory without sacrifice.

No happiness in self.

No peace without trust.

No power without weakness.

No breaking of chains in control.

No fighting evil without truth and love.

No change without the kindness of God.

It is all of grace.  We cannot even hate sin apart from the kindness of God.  The Holy Spirit restrains the whole world from sin.  Our best works are but filthy rags. It is God that does the good work in us.  He promises to complete it.  Jesus left us in this world but not of it.  We will struggle with sin until we see Him face to face.  We are in a battle.  Our job is to believe who God is and who He says we are and to respond to what He is doing.  In faith.  In Love.   We just cannot do anything apart from Him.

We have a helper...the precious Holy Spirit.  It is in these truths that I celebrate just how beautiful is, the love and gift of God, in making us His child.  Christ gives us His righteousness that is inputed in us by faith.  The gift of the very life of Jesus is mine in the gospel.  His death.  His resurrection power.  The victory has been won and the chains have broken on the cross.  Our struggle is mostly because we do not believe the truth of what really happened on the cross.  We don't love God and others as ourselves.  We sin in thought, word and the things we do and leave undone.  But God never changes.  He is always good and always working all things for our good.  We are created in His image.  We mar that image.  He who began a good work in us will complete it.  He promises.  So we rest as the very Saints of God.

God has a better plan for me, than me.

My Father delights to give us mercy.  We have just enough grace to make it for today.   I live in the moment.  Loved by God.  He knows me completely.  I am right where He wants me.  I cannot mess up His plan.  I am just not that powerful.

 So...as I live in today and not in the fear of tomorrow.  Letting my fear drive me to the very heart of Jesus.  My heart sings with thanksgiving and praise to a God who sees.  Who is with me and never leaves me.  Who does not condemn me but delights in me just as I am.   I see the glorious beauty of my God and my Savior...Jesus.  I now know whether I can see it or not He has used my illness in the past and He will use it in the future.

 My joy and my job is to live in the gift of today.  To abide in Jesus.  To be in His presence.  To move my life and myself into Him and know His perfect life is mine. To confess my sins and my need for Him.  To know I am forgiven... I am a loved child no matter what my circumstances.   Everyday we have is a gift!  Knowing God has a plan and nothing I do can mess that plan up...gives me great freedom to just be.  To live my days not in fear but in the Love of Jesus, my God and my Savior.

IT IS FOR HIS GLORY THAT WE LIVE AND FOR JOY!

A saintly women once wrote..Risk or Rust and I read some 20 years ago.  It still rings true to me today.

I have done a lot of thinking about Peter walking to Jesus on the water.  Yes and then sinking.

When we are fearful.  Out of control.  We sink back in to an area that is familiar.  I admire Peter.  He got out of the boat?  What is your boat?  How big is your life?

Jesus rebuked Peter because he had little faith.  He did not believe Jesus could handle His circumstances.  He thought it was up to him.  I shared with my brother-in-law about the boat in the water with all the beautiful glass balls.  Just like the disciples that day when Peter got out of the boat. I told him that is like me.  He grinned and said oh you of little faith and I was.

Sometimes the most difficult thing we can do is just get out of the boat.  What are your gifts and talents.  How far does you knowledge go?  Where do you feel comfortable and safe and what do you feel like you can succeed?


Over these years of medicine and mental struggles my boat became very small at times.  Each time I have a relapse I tend to pull back to my circle of life where I feel safe.  Where I can control.   I surround myself with friends and family that I know love and accept me.  My world got very small during these years, I am sad to say.  It was a struggle to venture out into the world and life that God had for me to enjoy and live life beyond my safety.

How many times do we hear how people who are depressed will isolate themselves.  We are afraid of rejection, of failure, because our sinful nature is to reject each other.  So it is real.  Rejection, failure and pain will come.


The question I have for you is life worth it?  Is loving God and others worth getting out of the boat?


I don't think we get out of our comfortable surroundings to love... but it is love that gets us out.


We tend to control others or they control us.  It is a life learning lesson to see what real love is.  Truth and love cannot be separated.  We need to stop our manipulation and trying to please people instead of loving them.  Love can be telling someone what they don't want to hear.  It maybe facing rejection and even pain but God says it is worth it.  He says it is worth the joy.  It was so worth it He endured the cross for the joy of loving us and sharing His love with us.  So dare we not do the same thing.

That is what happened as I ventured to the Biltmore House with my daughter and my sister-in-law, her husband and my daughters friend.  I wasn't sure how being on meds that cause me to be sluggish, I could master the day that was before me.  It was a 14 hour day of being on our feet.  We actually got my sister in law a scooter.  She is such an inspiration to me.  She has health issues and told me, I am determined this is not going to get the best of me.

The day brought so much laughter as Pat got her scooter stuck.  My daughter laughed so hard she couldn't stand up.  We ventured into dark paths not wanting to miss anything we had a chance to see, laughing and stunned all along the way.  Hearing the music and seeing the displays as I sat just enjoying all that was around me for moments too valuable for me to be able to express.

The people I met along the route as we explored the lovely grounds brought such happiness to me and even strength.

We ate great food, saw beautiful sites and memories enough to last a lifetime as we saw the blown
glass creation's display.

I know a little of Jesus joy.  Just sharing these things with you brings me even more joy.  It makes the day complete.

We hear a lot about people being stuck.  We get stuck.   We want to know that we can handle life and it's circumstances.  We are paralyzed for many reasons.  We are afraid we will do the wrong thing.  Fear paralyzes us.  Sometimes we just need to take the next or the first step.  One thing will lead to the other.  Our eyes will get off of us and on to living.

We hear about being brave.  Taking risk.  Faith is risky and so is life and love.  No risk, no life.  No pain, no love.  But it is worth even sinking in the water because Jesus will be there to grab hold and never let us go.

It is interesting to me, Jesus took Peter back into the boat.  He took the disciples to a shore of beauty and on to performing even more miracles.  Peters failure did not stop the grace and love of Jesus from healing. From not doing the will of His Father.   Sometimes we need safe places and safe people that can love and care for us right where we are.  But to stay in the area of familiarity all of our life is to miss the magnificent and glorious wonder of the power of God of living in His world we live in.

These are things I am loving learning to have a child like faith in my wonderful Father who is the author of my days.  Jesus lovingly takes care of me as He carries out the plans God has for me.


 Think big, think small, dream and venture out into the unknown of life.  Live life that is beyond your control.  Try something new.  See where Jesus leads you.  I have a friend who says, what are we going to do today Jesus?   Creativity and loving, working... eating and drinking even can be done to is the glory of God. A kind word of encouragement.  A thankful heart. A small gift or serving Jesus through serving others.  What ever you do.  Let Christ do it through you.  Exchange your fear of failing.  Your perfectionism.  Learn, try, adventure out beyond what you can do.  Whether it be conquer some bad habit.  Facing a fear.  Loving the unloveable.  Silence your mind and heart and be in the very presence of Jesus.  Take a walk with your heavenly Father.  Let Jesus live life through you.

 I once heard that the glory of God is... beyond what we can do, in ourselves.  Maybe there is some truth to that.  Jesus Christ sets the captive free and gives us life.  He is the way, the truth and the life.


It is worth the risk!

It is for His glory we live!

He is giving us the crown of life.

He says yes my child, my own,  it is worth it.