God has a better plan for me...than me.

God who has ordained our trails, has already made a way of escape.

How could voices in my head be the will of God I protested.  How could it be Gods perfect plan for my life.

I knew that God heard my words, but the voices I heard were not His.  So can God relate and use our circumstances to speak to our hearts?  Yes and in any way He chooses.  He is God!  

I had no idea that I was actually fighting the very sovereignty of God in my life. I knew God was good.

 I couldn't see what God was doing.  I actually said, He had stopped using the mental illness.  It was up to me to change it.   I thought...these voices have got to stop to be in Gods will.  But they persisted.  I had come to the end of me knowing I was completely powerless to stop the voices.  At one point they were so condeming...I was silenced.  All I could do was to lay at the feet of Jesus.

I began to surrender as I prayed...God I don't know what to do about the voices.  But would you use them for me to know you better?

I began to see how God had continued to use my illness and the struggles in my life, in good, and redeeming ways.  I began to rejoice and thank God once again for my suffering.  My lesson here is God is working even when you can't see it.

So I move my life and myself back into the very life and love of Jesus.  Letting go of the life I wanted but taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  I have to have discernment and wisdom from Gods word and the help of the Spirit.  The help of a good friend.

Is what I am hearing a lie or is this something good.  For me to know Him better.  It is clear to me I cannot stop the voices.   I should not let my thoughts go wild.  The Spirit has given me self control so many times.  I am learning how I can do things to help but yet the voices still remain.  Often  times Jesus quiets the voices.  At times I just speak His powerful name and they stop.   I ask Jesus to slow down my racing thoughts and He does.  I have come to reject the voices when they condemn me.  I know they are not from Jesus, but the world the flesh and the devil.  

Jesus has held on to me through the worse for me.  But by His grace today I grab hold of my Savior and risk it all.  

There is no life without risk. 

No love without pain.

No joy with out death.

No glory without sacrifice.

No happiness in self.

No peace without trust.

No power without weakness.

No breaking of chains in control.

No fighting evil without truth and love.

No change without the kindness of God.

It is all of grace.  We cannot even hate sin apart from the kindness of God.  The Holy Spirit restrains the whole world from sin.  Our best works are but filthy rags. It is God that does the good work in us.  He promises to complete it.  Jesus left us in this world but not of it.  We will struggle with sin until we see Him face to face.  We are in a battle.  Our job is to believe who God is and who He says we are and to respond to what He is doing.  In faith.  In Love.   We just cannot do anything apart from Him.

We have a helper...the precious Holy Spirit.  It is in these truths that I celebrate just how beautiful is, the love and gift of God, in making us His child.  Christ gives us His righteousness that is inputed in us by faith.  The gift of the very life of Jesus is mine in the gospel.  His death.  His resurrection power.  The victory has been won and the chains have broken on the cross.  Our struggle is mostly because we do not believe the truth of what really happened on the cross.  We don't love God and others as ourselves.  We sin in thought, word and the things we do and leave undone.  But God never changes.  He is always good and always working all things for our good.  We are created in His image.  We mar that image.  He who began a good work in us will complete it.  He promises.  So we rest as the very Saints of God.

God has a better plan for me, than me.

My Father delights to give us mercy.  We have just enough grace to make it for today.   I live in the moment.  Loved by God.  He knows me completely.  I am right where He wants me.  I cannot mess up His plan.  I am just not that powerful.

 So...as I live in today and not in the fear of tomorrow.  Letting my fear drive me to the very heart of Jesus.  My heart sings with thanksgiving and praise to a God who sees.  Who is with me and never leaves me.  Who does not condemn me but delights in me just as I am.   I see the glorious beauty of my God and my Savior...Jesus.  I now know whether I can see it or not He has used my illness in the past and He will use it in the future.

 My joy and my job is to live in the gift of today.  To abide in Jesus.  To be in His presence.  To move my life and myself into Him and know His perfect life is mine. To confess my sins and my need for Him.  To know I am forgiven... I am a loved child no matter what my circumstances.   Everyday we have is a gift!  Knowing God has a plan and nothing I do can mess that plan up...gives me great freedom to just be.  To live my days not in fear but in the Love of Jesus, my God and my Savior.