Sunday, May 24, 2015
We come from a family of long line, full of winners. Why should that day be any different. Oh I wouldn't have said it, but looking back, I see it full well. As usual, of a overly sensitive person, I got my feelings hurt. Then when a quick apology didn't come. When things weren't seen my way. I had to prove my point. I had to be the winner. I forgot all I had known and my pride got in the way.
When you are in the heat of a moment, where does your heart go? Does it go to prove your point. To be right? To bring up past wrongs and defend, excuse, blame shift and ignore the other persons points. Do I listen or only think of what I am going to say next? Is there a time when winning is losing and losing is winning.
My husband and I had a conflict. Life is made of those between people. Even those who love each other. Do we fight fair or hit below the belt? Words will never hurt me, is just not true. We women can so disrespect our husbands and husbands can so not love their wives, that we can cut to the bone. This is unfortunate, we have to learn through failing but repentance and asking for forgiveness is a way of growing through convict and becoming actually better and closer than ever. Not that we want to forget how to love our mates, but when we do, there is a way of redemption. But the healing may take time.
It is a sure work of the Spirit when I don't defend myself. Well it is a work of the Spirit, to show me my sin, when I don't. I had rather not dishonor my husband and not have my own way. I had rather trust God to work in his heart and mine. To work through our conflicts, without taking out the knife of our words.
The night was hard. The next morning, all I could do, was say what a bad night last night was. I regretted it so bad, but somehow I needed to do more than just ask for forgiveness. My husband looks for change. This time was no different. Change me oh Lord and have mercy. Give me the grace to do and be what I cannot be.
The mail came. It was an invitation for my husband to possibly host a cruise. I said who you going with. He said I was going to ask you. What a surprise of grace from my husband and the good Lord. I had not earned it, but it was a gift, freely given. Of course he loved me and this, was only one way he chose to show me. How could I doubt it? Our life together was evidence of it. Our commitment to one another and the things we had been together, good and hard. I don't know what will happen with the cruise, but I do know, to be the one my husband wants to go with, is worth the lesson I learned that day.
Later that day, he was on the phone. I rounded the corner and he said, "I have to go, my beautiful wife just walked up". My how our words can heal and encourage, even change. Or how they can tare down our loved ones and hurt.
It appeared to many that Jesus dying on the cross, was defeat. He appeared to have lost. But many who believed this saw, that the way of Jesus is through humility. Through loving others enough to lay your life down for them. Through loosing your life, for Jesus sake, is to find it. It is valuing others more than yourselves. It is out serving one another. It is loving, even when it means dying, even when it hurts. It is listening instead of always having a right answer. It is taking first the plank out of your eye so you can see the speak in a others eye. It is knowing you are the biggest sinner in the room because, your sin put Jesus on the cross. It is only from this place of humility can you remember how to love someone else, by the love the Father has for you.
How do we doubt the Fathers love for us? Sending His one and only son, the cross, is the evidence of it. Anytime you doubt, I doubt, look to Jesus.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
This has been a weird week, the one before Mothers Day. Just the other day, I laid in my bed in the middle of the day, thinking of my mom. Of my good times with her, like tasting wine in the grocery story and going to cook steaks for Tam and Dad that night. We laughed all the way through. The card games she would play with my kids and let them win. Well sometimes lol. She loved playing games and making them want to beat her. Of the laughs in the kitchen and at the pool and the shopping trips when I couldn't afford clothes, she would buy them all. And the tears at us leaving time after time as she and dad stood on the porch as they watched us drive away.
My mom taught me how to be a lady and how to take care of my family and husband. Her home, hospitality and gracious heart was always there. She never shared the things she did for others. It didn't matter to her. She was concerned for the others and what they needed and how she could meet that need. She taught me how honesty and character were important in this life and to God.
She use to say...we Wilson women and one bunch of strong women. We can handle anything. Later in life her strength was her God and not her own. Mom and I didn't talk much growing up. I played, she worked. I stuffed my feelings and tried to gain the approval I always had. She ask me once, "why am I not your best friend like...is to their daughter"? I said I need you to be my mom not my friend. I caused my mom a lot of pain in her life, like with me being sick. It killed her to know the struggles my family and I had.
But as I grew older and had my own kids, my mom did become my best friend. I thought of the regrets that day, last week, as I laid in my bed, thinking of her and how much I missed her. I cried like a baby, missing her, for the first time sense her death. But not anymore. She loved me beyond words and I always knew that. I can't wait to see her again and tell her again, what a wonderful mom she was. Oh, things were not perfect. They aren't meant to be. Mothers Day is not really about how perfect we are as a parent, but how God is the perfect parent for us. He is redeeming His children. He is teaching us, as His little child, how to love Him and trust Him and depend on Him. He teaches us to love our brothers and sisters, our enemies even and Him. How to forgive and trust and hope again. How to live. How to have life in His life in us. How to laugh and play and work and cry with others and alone. The family is just a picture of Gods family. He makes all things right in His time. We are an imperfect picture of God, the perfect parent to our family. We will fail and fall and be so tired at night, when we put them to bed, we think our back will break, as we lean over for a good nite kiss.
My advice to moms is...if you are married...love your husband. One of the best gifts you can give your children. I know, I do not know him but both parents come into this family as sinners.
Talk when they are young, listen as they grow up. Physical needs are important but the caring of your childs heart is what we all should be looking towards.
Teach them how to fail and succeed, but mostly how to enjoy God and others. The most important thing they can do in life is to love God and for it to play out in the way they live. I am not talking about perfection but trusting. Let them know these failures and sins just points them to Jesus and His love for them. Their need for Him, their Savior. Encourage them of Gods working and His Word in their lives, to love His Word and how He never leaves them. How you may let them down but He never will. The importance of learning to be still and quiet with Him. Seems impossible for the young today.
This is all I have. Have a wonderful Mothers Day. If yours is no longer with you, if she was a awful mom, if you don't even know who she is, if you had a great one...think and tell if possible just how much you love her and you will have a long life and be blessed. Don't live in regret, but in the care and love of your Heavenly Parent who has had a plan all along for good. Lets live in it. Enjoy your children and let them know how much you love them and only God loves them more. One of the greatest joys I have had in life has been my children. I love them with all my heart. It was part of Gods plan for me. Each of ours are different. Find the blessing in it if you can. It is there. You can be a mom, whether you have children of your own or not. I know many. God doesn't need us to parent our children. He gives us the simple pleasure of doing it.