Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Love Letter

Psalm 143:8 Let me hear of your unfailing love to me
in the morning
for I am trusting you.
Gods word is not a long list of rules and regulations we try to keep.  It is Gods love letter to us, His people.  When you are struggling as I am now seek His face moment by moment.  The grace and love and peace and comfort you received yesterday isn't good for today.  Grace is for the moment.  It is a living fountain that must be received over and over.  You don't receive grace for tomorrow today.  You  must look to friends and family of God to remind you of the truth. Read His words to you in His love letters, the bible. 
Spend time in His presence letting Him give you the reassurance of His love to you.  Worship Him that He is God.  Repent that you are not.  That He knows what is best.  He can be trusted as your heavenly Father.  See your gratitude and love pour out of you to others.  As he gives you grace and grace through you.  You will be amazed how your lonely heart melts into your Fathers arms for reassure, and care and compassion.  Nothing takes the place of sitting at His feet and listening to His heart for you.  Sensing His presence and resting there.

Monday, February 27, 2012

We Have the Power

“[I pray]  that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the glorious riches of His inheritance among the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power to us who believe, according to the working of His vast strength.”  (Ephesians 1:18-19)

 Roxy, our dog, broke through back screen door to get on the porch.  The next time I decided to leave the door open for her.  A small bird came in.  Then began to struggle to get out. The bird flew into the screen over and over.  One place to another.  All the bird had to do was to quit fighting and striving. Then it could see to fly through the open door to freedom.  I watched, thinking all the time how I used to be like that bird.  Just a short time ago.

For years I had lived not facing the truth that my life was not perfect.  As I came out of denial I could not face life. So I felt trapped in another way: deep dark depression.  Always a roller coaster of struggle and addiction. Not knowing the love of the Father for me.

Christ died to bring me into a trusting relationship, taking away the veil from the truth that had left me living in fear, condemnation, shame, and guilt. My sins forgiven. Past, present, and future. God is not angry with me.  Christ is my Comforter and Best Friend.

Christ came to give me His and the Father's Holy Spirit. Christ lives in me.  The same power that raised Christ from the dead is in me.  I don't have to live a defeated and powerless life. The Spirit has enlightened the eyes of my heart to see this wonderful truth. The power of God lives in me!  And in you who are children of God. If you are not a person trusting Christ but desire to know Him, you can write me, or contact someone you know who can walk you through this.  The Spirit is working in you.

Paul says there is a confidence of life and greatness of spirit that comes from understanding God's power.  I am overwhelmed by a loving, relentless God and His incomparably great power. This power also gives insight into the beauty, the excellence, and glory of holiness. This power illuminates not only your heart to truth, but to desire as God desires. Not that you don't still struggle with sin in your life, but it no longer dominates.  And you know you are forgiven. You confess your sin and pray for repentance. This gospel is part of who you are and the power in you. Depending on God in moment by moment leaning into Him.  Reliance on Him brings a life of power of God, by faith.

Lord I pray eyes will be opened to see what incredible power is operating in us. Thank You for giving us life and life abundant.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

He Understands

Have you every been happy and sad at the same time?  My dad went home to be with Jesus last night.  I am so joyful that he is rid of his sick, broken down body.  But at the same time so thankful he is with Jesus and all the saints that went before him.  What joy there must be in heaven.  Even so I know Jesus is weeping and grieving with me now.  He knows my loss and my joy because of the cross.  I can have compassion and fellowship with Him because He understands.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Lonely Road

There is usually a time in our life when we feel all alone.  Maybe our friends have betrayed us.  Family doesn't understand.  It is just us alone walking a fearful path.  Then we remember or are reminded we are not alone.  The Fathers love is with us.  Jesus is interceding for us.  The Spirit never leaves us.  God may not remove our circumstances but He promises to walk with us through them.
We will make it.  In the end it will be all for His glory.  We will think I have just got to hold on to Jesus.  We find it is Jesus holding on to us!  He finally is center of our lives.  He is more important than anything or anyone.  We praise Him...

Friday, February 24, 2012


 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.  Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.
When read or study or hear Gods word.  The Spirit brings it to our minds and heart and we remember it.  The Spirit is our teacher. 
Jesus gives us peace.  It is not the kind of no conflict or trouble.  It is an inner peace.  The Peace that comes from fellowship with Jesus.  He is Peace Himself.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Seek God First

The Lord says to seek him first and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.  To seek God first and His righteousness: means His right, perfect life is ours.  For us not to try to build a righteousness of our own.  That is self righteousness.  Pride.  We want Christ to cover us with His robe of perfect life.  When God the Father looks at us He seeks the perfection of Jesus.  Then a life of joy, obedience and peace follows.  It is Jesus in and through us!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Christ lives through us.

 I pray that the eyes of your heart [b]may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the [c]saints, 19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.  Eph. 1:18-19

The same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in us.  There is a war raging inside us but our new heart, our desires are more for Christ and the Father than for ourselves.  We have everything we need for life and godliness.  Paul wanted the eyes of our heart melted to this truth. 

Christ lives in and through us.  Paul says it is no longer I who live.  It is Christ who lives in me.  We give up our demands and have the beautiful desires of Christ.  We have a new heart.  We have the mind of Christ.  We die to self that Christ might live through us.  We are not better we are new creatures in Christ.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Vinedresser

American Standard Bible (NASB)

John 15

Jesus Is the Vine—Followers Are Branches
1I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He [a]prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already [b]clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. American Standard Bible (NASB)

Everyday is a day of worship.  Worship is a life style.   What has captured  your affections?  He wants to  be first in our heart.  The process is sometime painful but the fruit is oh so wonderful.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

2 Samuel 22:32 "For who is God besides the Lord?"  And who is a rock besides our God.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Painting of my dear friend, Denise Sagan

Denise is a christian and God has richly blessed her with a wonderful gift.  God also blesses non christians with gifts, beauty, talent for us to enjoy and learn.  It is called common grace.  He gives it to everyone for our delight and enjoyment in this world.  Expand, Grow, Enjoy, look for beauty and grace all around you in Gods creation.  He does it to make this world a better place for you and me.  It is not earned.  That is why it is called grace.  It is not just to christians.  It is common to the just and unjust.  He is ruling the earth for His church says Tim Keller.  It is for you.  Respect beauty and truth and wisdom and insight anywhere we find it because we know every good and perfect gift is from our Heavenly Father.  Our maker.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Excellence of Love

Excellence of Love

 1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. x

My first reaction today was thinking of someone I thought had disappointed me.  I called and ask my husband to dinner.  He said he would be going to a basketball game. Did I mind.  Initially it hurt my feelings.  My next though was I would really love some tulips.  We talked again and he said Today is valentines.  I am not going to the game.  I told him what I would really like was some flowers.  He insisted on dinner.  I told him I had already made plans. To go and have a great time.
The Father loved me first.  Why do I think of how others respond to me rather than how can I love this person.  Sitting and soaking in the Fathers presence.  Loving my family and friends.  I love you and praying for you today.  That the love of  God so fills your heart you spill over to whomever you see.

Perfect Love

We each are looking for "Perfect Love".  We want someone to love us unconditionally.  To fill the void in us.  Someone to never fail us.  Christ gave His life to say I love you.  My love will never fail you.  I will always be here for you.   I love you unconditionally.  Nothing can ever change my love for you.  I will never love you any less.  I am relentless for you.   

Monday, February 13, 2012


Please go to  I wrote a devotional about how I am dealing with the depression
Also what God is doing in my life.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

If Only

Many times we think, we might not dare say.  "If Only" God would answer my prayer I would believe.  If He healed me, gave me a loving mate, a good job, an obedience child.  Then, then Lord I would believe.

We are like Thomas we won't believe til we put our fingers in His nail scared hands.  Our hands in His side.

Thomas did believe when He saw.  But Jesus said blessed are those who believe and don't see.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Spoiled Brat

The story goes that this Indian girl fell in love and  her dad promised her to another warrior.  So she took her life.  I have not taken my life but have been off and on, in a state of depression for 16 years.  I think it is because I have not gotten my way about my life.  What a spoiled brat I have been.  Oh the things I have wanted have been good things but my life has just not gone the way I thought it should.

Mondays devotional will be more in detail I pray.  Thank you so very much for your prayers for me.  I feel like I have touched the hem of Jesus.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hanging by a Thread

Today began harder than the rest.  Feeling like I was hanging by a thread in this glass ball going around and around and couldn't get out. The right thing to do was to cancel my appointments today.  Soon arriving at my friends for my class.  Sitting in the drive way  I decided I just couldn't make it.  Hesitantly I went inside and began to cry as my friend hugged me.  There was some kind of release.  I did feel better.  You know how you feel after a good cry or a good laugh.  It is almost like a cleansing of your emotions.

As soon as I got home I fell asleep.  It was strange.  When I woke all I could think about was reconciliation.  People  who had not been together for years were coming together.  God was weaving all this together.  I didn't even notice.  He was gracious enough to let me be apart.  My spirits were so lifted.  Amazing peace.   Grace had carried me through yet one more day. 

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


This morning as I began my day.  I decided to do everything I could to help this depression that veiled my head, go away .  Staying really busy seemed to be what stuck with me.  I would go into town.  Get my hair cut and then off to shop.  That should brightened any girls day.

I had completed the things I wanted to do and was contemplating calling my doctor again.  If anything the depression seemed worse not better.  I had a meeting later.  As much as I wanted to go to the meeting.  I didn't know how I was going to make it.  Maybe my friend couldn't come.  Only to find out it was great with her.  Meeting her was so important to me I committed myself to go.

We were so glad to see each other.  We had plans for the meeting but it didn't go that way.  Instead we comforted and encouraged each other.  With the faithfulness and love of God.  We shared our hearts and found our bond with each other talking about God and His glory in our lives.  He was each of our hope.  We built each other up in the faith.  Promising to pray for the other I found  myself loosing track of the time.  Suddenly I met friend after friend coming in the restaurant where we were meeting.  With kindred Spirits so thrilled to see each one.  We all shared a brokenness and need for our Savior.

As I drove away I looked in the mirror.  I was changed.  I had met, talked and shared about the love of God.  My heart was encouraged. Such joy filled my heart.   I felt no more depression.  The veil that separated me was lifted.  I felt you could see the shine of His glory in my face and theirs.  It was amazing.  We had met with each other and God.  We felt the Spirit in our midst.  We were transformed. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


The depression is too frequent and  lasted too long.  It is getting harder and harder to get myself out of the depression.   I made a doctor appointment today.   Use to I needed family and friends to tell me when it was time to go to the doctor  Now I recognize these symptoms more on my own.  I still value others opinions.  Sometimes they can see the symptoms before I can.

I have full confidence in my doctor.  You need that.  He is great with medicine.  It is just a gift he has.  He has put me on a vitamin for the transmitters in the brain.  Also he said I have to make myself take walks each morning.  We will see how this works for the depression.  I go back in two weeks and we will decided what to do from there.  God uses doctors and medicine to make us well and for His glory.  I am waiting  and doing what I need to do, in faith, the cloud will lift.

I appreciate your prayers and I am praying for you.  Our spiritual lives are a part of every area of our lives.  Our relationship with God is not just for Sunday morning.  Morning devotional.  He wants to walk with us through everything.  His Spirit lives in us.  After He was raised from the dead He went to be with the Father and sent His Spirit into our hearts.  So Jesus and the Father are always with us.

Gods richest blessings to you all!!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Dry Bones

Since I wrote the last post it has been running through my mind.  That is what I do sometimes is obscess over things.  Can't get them out of my mind.

Tears began to stream down my face as I remembered yesterday.  Sundays are particularily hard.  I was dragging.  I kept saying if I can just get to the shower and to church I know I will feel better.  I called several friends to pray I would push through the wall before me and get to church.

Well I made it praying each step of the way.  And midway of hearing Jesus loves you.  You can trust Him.  Let Him breath life into you.  An encounter with the living God changes everything. The cloud did begin to lift.  It was a great day but today I am needing Jesus all over again.  Praying from one task to another.  I have been made needy.  I need God most of the time just to get through my days.  But how awesome He is.  He has risen and lives within me. Breathing, giving life to my dry bones.

Risk or Rust

It is easy to get in a comfort zone and not move out, for everyone. Especially if you have a mental disorder.  We must realize life begins when we move out in faith, beyond what we can do in our own strength.  It is risky.  The fear of failure and thinking you cannot accomplish anything different than where we are grows us stagnant. There is no joy in living.  To move out of your comfort zone is where life begins.  Remember the same power, the Spirit, that raised Christ from the dead lives in you.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Is God Angry?

Someone said to me today, "I think God is punishing me ."  God trains us but does not punish us.  No matter what we may think God is not angry with us.  There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.   Jesus paid for our sins.  God loves us forever and always. 

A New Day

Today is a new day.  Full of mercy and grace and love in my heart.  Your presence is ever so close.  I am resting in your promise.  Mercies are new every morning.  I am feeling comforted.  At peace.  Joy is all around me in the sound of silence.  Creation singing of your greatness.  Glory to your name for your faithfulness.  Praise for who you are.  Worship for your mighty hand in my life.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Beautiful Mind


                                               1 Cor. 2:16  But we have the mind of Christ.
There are days that are harder than others for us all.  I think the ones that upset me the most are when I have intrusive thoughts.  They are unwanted thoughts.  Some go from, you can't do anything right.  To something that is just awful.  It depends on how I am doing whether I can stop the thoughts or not.  If I am doing really well  I can recognize them.  Then tell myself the truth.
These thoughts, I have noticed, come when I am fearful.  I never knew I was fearful before I came  in touch with who I am.  Living out of denial.

Phil 4:8 tells us to think on whatever is true, honorable, right , pure, whatever is lovely, of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything is worthy of praise to dwell on these things.  I cannot do this apart from my relationship and dependence on God.  When I am close to His heart I actually can begin to think what He thinks.  Hurt when He hurts.  Long for what He longs for.