Thursday, July 13, 2017

His Way Not Mine

To love God and to love others is our given commandment.  If you were to ask me how to go about this I would know them...God and people is a beginning.

So my journey in this life has been to know God and to know people.  It consumes me.  It has been the single thing that has challenged me.  I even see this in my own children.  Shaped by life experiences and relationships is the outpouring of knowing God and loving Him and man.

About a year ago after a time of surrendering and approaching Easter in Lent I was reading.  Thinking about knowing God more intimately.  I also was thinking about Gods people and charity came to mind.  The book I was reading said that charity was at the very heart of God.  

I thought I know so little about charity Lord but yet this is at center of your heart.  I began to pray regularly that the Father would teach me through the Spirit what charity is.  I assumed that He would direct me to an area that I could serve others.

What happened instead is that I became the one needing charity.  I have shared my physical and mental struggles this last year. The times in the hospital, in ER with people beyond my imagination needing care. The stay in the hall way overnight hearing the moans and cries.  

 I found myself with an expired drivers license and in the mental hospital being taken off one med and onto another.

As my family took care of me, I also reached out to friends like I never have.  They carried me to my appointments and other places I needed to go such as grocery and shopping at times.  It served me getting out and visiting and being encouraged by others.  

I had never ask for help such as this. I would say I have suffered much not because I was too weak but far too strong in my own strength, pride that is.  Jesus ask for help. Father take this cup from me if it be thy will.  I was so amazed at the healing in me that went on during this time. It takes a humility to ask for help.  I saw a kindness and gentleness come from within me I had not known.  I felt so loved and cared for.

Experiencing Jesus through charity never occurred to me I would be on the receiving end of it.  But of course...

Jesus did not come as a rich King but a poor Shepard and carpenter in a lowly manager.  He became like those who needed charity to know them.  To know our pain and suffering.  He took on our sin to know us.

Jesus wants to know us and fully accept us but in the righteousness that only He can give us.

Me attempting to love others and my Savior shows me how much I need Him.  I see my self-centeredness all the time.  My selfishness. It is like I think I can control the world and make it work.  I fight being the center of my universe and repent often.  I have no wisdom of my own.  Gods ways are not my ways so who am I to decide how this life should go maybe by not being content and thankful but anxious.

It is amazing to me the love that pours out of this heart of mine when I confess my lack of love.  That I need Jesus to love others through me and to love me.  My heart melts and I see things in others that shines the glory of God and I am amazed.  People are unique and they are creative and beautiful as I see Jesus in them.  Their compassion is the gift of Jesus through His Spirit.  I am in awe.

Jesus sweetness fills me once more and I see Him as never before.  I see His people and as they become like my Lord it makes me so happy.

Jesus wanted to know us so He became like us.  I wanted to know His heart in a deeper way so I had to become like the ones His heart breaks for.

It would have been easier to serve charity than to become them.  But the Father wanted my heart when I do.  I wanted to know His.

The Father gave His whole heart in His Son so He could have ours in Him.  Love can't be stopped in the presence of Him.  Where the Spirit of Jesus is there is love.  In me.