God, What are You Doing?

I want to say something and I don't quiet know how to say it.  I am a city girl at heart and yet I find myself out here on this farm with cows and their crap, mud, horses, critters.  People eating deer and frog legs and dove.  Sometimes I love it so much I can't believe God has given me this opportunity with my husband, son and grandson.  To enjoy them and Gods nature.  The breath taking sunrises and sunsets I love to photograph.  The green pastures and the ponds.  Ponds I have swam in with the cows. Horses I have ridden.  Incredible peace I have found here. Then sometimes I want to say God!  What on earth are you doing?  I can't deal with this mess and dirt.  The gross clothes and crappy shoes and boots.   Just give me a subdivision, Lord.
God will pick you up and plant you where He wants you to be.  You may say that is easy for you to say you have a good life.  My life has not been easy.  Because of my husband and God I have never wanted for anything materially.  But life has been hard.  From struggling with mental illness, to things within and with my family.  We know what suffering is.
I am almost at the point of thanking God for everything we all have been through.  It is harder with my kids than with me.  But if I believe God will use everything in their life like He has mine how can I doubt the really hard stuff is from Him and for good.
God has built our house.  It is one of His glory.  Relationships have been mended.  Our dysfunctions have been redeemed.  Love has been given.  Wounds have been healed.  God has stretched us each to find our own way to a Savior that never lets us go.  He has brought life and joy and peace to a person that knew no peace.  He has blessed us with all the things in heavenly places.  And He will you too.  Just know He hangs on to you.  Keep your eyes and your faith fixed on Him.  But He is the one that will be faithful even when you blow it.  He is merciful and kind and good.
I don't want to imply we have arrived.  We still have our struggles.  I have got some kind of anxiety going on now when I leave the house.  Not sure where it is coming from.  I just say my prayers, jump in my car and He brings me out of it.  We have a child struggling.  But she is amazing.  Her faith and fullness she is experiencing in Christ.  All my children are overcomes and are thankful for Gods blessings and goodness in their lives.  I am so thankful for each one.  Maybe your child or family is far away from you.  That doesn't mean it will always be that way.  But if so...God is enough.  I promise you He is working in ways you cannot fathom.  The circumstances have nothing to do with your relationship with God except that you learn to depend and be satisfied in Him.  You cannot make yourself do this.  But He is about bringing us each there.  To His loving embrace.