I am weak, my energy is all gone...

I have been going, going, going. Some where along the way I lost my constant communion with the Lord. I was tired yesterday but woke at 4 am this morning exhausted. I cancelled most of my plans and just tried to be. I listened to music, took a hot bath and waited. I went for a walk with a friend, did a little running around and then back home. Found some great gifts at half price. It had been an ok day but I was dragging myself through it.

When I got home I felt myself wanting to be by myself, which can be ok, but I was doing it for comfort. I was sad and focusing on my sin. I had been depleted and was returning to my old comforts as a way of coping, a way of feeling secure and comforted.

By Gods grace I went over and picked up the phone to call a friend to point me to Jesus. I knew she would. I had tried all day but I could not inter in. It was like I was pressed against a wall. Like I had four walls around me of protection, and illusion of safety and comfort.

My friend did point me to Christ. She said you maybe disappointed but Christ is not. She offered to pray. I couldn't even do that. THen I began to pray, she prayed, I cried and my heart was still. I am waiting for God to rescue me. I am helpless as we are to go to the moon on our knees. It must be God or I am stuck here. I ask myself, as Jesus as the paralyzed man by the pool. Do you want to be healed? I too was paralyzed. He was going to have to rescue me, heal me and drag me home. My energy is gone.