Sunday, May 19, 2013

Am I really so "different"?

Am I really so "different" from you?

I have been in the Oval office in Washington, our nations capital.  I have personally met and conversed with two Presidents.  I have done tv, magazine, newspaper interviews.  My husband has won a "National Championship" in college football.  He is in Hall of fames all over our area, ring of honor, people here want his picture and autograph.  I have spoken to hundreds in churches and organizations in several states, at least two.  I have written articles, devotions, writing my very first book for my family and classmates.  I have traveled the world.  Met the famous in the sports world.

Am I really so "different" from you?

I have been diagnosed with a mental disorder.  Have been in the mental hospital for at least 3 times I can remember.  I have tried to commit suicide twice because of these illusions and delusions.  I have been so out of it I didn't know who was in the room with me.  I couldn't differ from an illusion and reality.  I have been full of fear and shame and condemnation.  I have been fearful, oppressed, inslaved, isolated and desperately depressed.  I have spend days of sleeping and days of seeking the face of God.

Am I really so "different" from you?

I have raised 4 children practically on my own.  I have been both mother and father.  I have grandchildren whom I love.  A family I am so proud of no matter what their struggles.  I am growing in Christ and knowing His and the Father, Spirits love for me.  I am learning to be free.  Learning there is no condemnation for me in Christ.  I am not guilty.  I am forgiven.

I want to follow Christ with my whole heart.  I want to be so surrendered to the life of Christ living and being in and through me.  I want to love others and Him as He loves me.  I want to repent and grow in faith and trust and dependence on the one who sent His One and only Son to die to come and get me.  To rescue me from myself but at the same time teach me to enjoy and accept myself as the Father accepts and loves me.  I am learning in my weakness His strength is made perfect.  I am learning to boast in the Cross of Christ and not in my own righteousness because I have none.  Everything done apart from faith and trust in Him is sin.  He is my Savior, my Lord and my King.  I dedicate my life to HIm to use me as He will in whom He will.  I love because He first loved me.  The more I accept His love for me the more I am set free to live this life of faith and hope and love.  He is my sustaining power.  He meets my every need.  He is my refuge and my strength.  He is my peace and joy.  He is my companion, my counselor.  He is my life.

Am I really so "different" than you?

I am lowly at heart and broken hearted.  I struggle with sin and pride and self-righteousness.  I have seen the Mighty God who holds my heart and future in His hands be so faithful even though I am not.  I have seen Him bring me out of fears and doubts to a life of confidence and belief.  He keeps me pressing me on toward the Prize, eternity and relationship with God the Father, Son and Spirit.  He continues to rescue me when I get trapped or run away from Him.  He woos me to His heart and arms once again.  He is the lover of my soul.  Nothing can separate me from Him and HIs love for me.  He is my master and King.  Something is going to control you.  What is it?  Is it addiction, condemnation, fear of man, or love of God.  He will bring you to the place where He is center and central to your very being.  He is the One and only true God.  Lets worship Him now.

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