In between jobs and houses we lived on the lake for a few years. I loved to take the kids out late in the afternoon, when no one was on the lake, and ski. This particular early evening I was skiing and loving it. Having a really good time. The water was as smooth as glass.
Then I decided to drop a ski and see if I could ski with one ski. I dropped the ski. Hit the wake. And I went down. Deep down. It was dark and the water was cold. I felt as if someone was pulling me down. I kept going deeper and deeper. I couldn't breathe. Then I reached a certain point and I began to come up. The water got warmer. I began to see the light shine through the water. I burst forth out of the water and breathed in and out, over and over. Deep breathes.
Then I reached the shore. I threw myself onto the bank. I felt safe and secure and alive. I could give no more. All I could do was to rest. I was at peace.
This is a picture of this message of Grace to me and how it has impacted my life. I began the christian life with joy and peace. Then without any notice legalism moved in. Pleasing people. Trying to gain approval of God. Prove my value and worth. I looked to my husband to give this to me. He was looking to his work to give it to him. We were in a vicious circle.
It is healthy and good to voice our needs to our husbands. But the question is when he doesn't or can't meet our needs how do we respond? Are we paralyzed? Are we angry? Can you keep loving? Accept the love they give you as imperfect as it maybe. Is Jesus enough for you then and there. Do you know how much you are valued and loved? Or are you still looking for it in the places and people of this world.
If we are honest all our relationships are dysfunctional. But yet Jesus loves us through them. We are His body. His bride. We are all learning as I learned with my husband. To let go of ourselves and give ourselves to God and each other. We are not going to love perfectly. Don't let this keep you away from relationships. Let God cover you. Let the Spirit teach you. Let people love you. Relax. Don't be afraid you are going to sin or mess up. Sure you are. You are human.
The point is not to try to be perfect. The point is to trust the perfect one and His unfathomable love for you. It never stops. It never quits giving and loving and perusing, relentlessly. He wants your heart and He wants you to give it to others. Without thought or fear or worry about screwing up. God is at the heart of relationships. That is where He flourishes and where your needs are met and gifts are given. In your relationship with the Father and Son through the Spirit and others.
You worried you are not pleasing Him? Trust Him, bathe yourself in His free and unquenchable love. And pass it on. Trust He loves you and you are who He says you are. And move on to living...It can be sad and hard but there is joy and peace in relationships. The most wonderful gift given to man by God through His Son Jesus. We are in a non ending relationship with the Father, Son and Spirit. Jesus came to bring others in. Lets do the same.