Thursday, October 11, 2012

Conversation with Jesus


The Spirit has just shown me sometimes in my compassion for others I say I will do something for them and then I don't.
Maybe something happens. I can't do it right then. I forget. Or maybe it is hard for me to do. It will take a sacrifice on my part to get it done. I am sure there are times I don't think it is that important to them. I just let it go. Am I woman of my word? Do I keep my 
promises?
I am here with my grandson and my daughter. My grandson ask me to come. He said he missed me and my cooking. I planned to come one day. Then as the time was approaching I thought I saw it might not be the best time to come. I was looking for convenience for me. I kept asking him when he wanted me to come, over a course of a couple of days. He said when ever you want to mem. He had a baseball game last night. I though I won't get to see him much. He won't get to eat til late. I was going to have a busy day...would I have that much energy?
I told him I was coming and what did he want to eat. He said he didn't know so I said I will handle it. He was relieved and appreciative. I believed I was determined not to put it off again. I started my day off early. Praying the whole time.  I still wondered what was the right thing to do. Would the Lord give me the energy I needed to go to my daughters. They just moved could I find the way? I went to the store to shop. Found the house with no problem. Prepped the meal and had it ready to cook so it would be hot when he got home from his game.
He came in starved. I made a dish he had never had before and he thought it was great. He ate and ate. He sat with me throughout the night. Talking, laughing and just being together. What a joy it was. I thought why did it take me a couple of days to get here. Why did I wrestle to make the decision to come? Why is it hard for me to do what I say, make a decision and stick with it? I am afraid I will make the wrong decision. I know. Walking by faith is not comfortable.
God is not like this. He says what He will do and He does it. This morning I was sitting out in the starry,  moonlit morning thinking with God about this. Lord I don't doubt that in a few hours the sun will rise. The daylight will come. You will live your life through me today. You will keep your covenant promises to me and those I love. You are always faithful no matter what I do.
Lord, help me to be more like you. Help me keep my promises. Keep my word. I pray I love others the way they tell me they want to be loved. Not what is convenient or seemingly important to me. Take away my fear of doing the wrong thing. Making a mistake. Lord I want to love with your love. Be faithful with your faith. May I live a life of victory and not defeat. It is not a matter of making the right decision. It is a matter of letting Jesus love and live His life through me. I am going to mess up. But I just need to keep my eyes on Jesus. Keep stepping out in faith and don't look back with regret.