Thursday, August 15, 2013

Clanging Symbol

I have been gone from home for a few days.  I went home last night and my husband was not expecting me.  He is a farmer and had worked really hard yesterday.  It was late when he came in but I wanted to talk about issues.  Nothing wrong just talk.  He was not in the mood.  I know this about him at night but it did not stop me.  He hurt my feelings.  My feelings are easily hurt.  I tried not to say something I would regret, sin against him in response to having my feelings hurt.  He went to bed and I began to read.

The Spirit began to work on my heart.  He showed me how I had done and said things I should not have done.  I did not have love.  I was a clanging symbol.  Even though I had tried not to sin against my husband I had.  There were things in my heart and it was going to come out.  I decided to wait til morning to talk to him about it.  I ask some people to pray for my heart.  I could tell I had a proud heart.  I really had to spend time with the Lord before I could forgive my husband or ask him to forgive me.  I think one way to do this is to remember how we have sinned against God.  He died on the cross for our sins and then He said Father forgive them.  He was full of mercy and love.  He laid down His life for us.  He died in our place.  In a sense I was going to have to die.  I was going to have to chose to let my pride go, by Gods grace humble myself and confess my sin to my husband. I had demanded my own way.  I thought I was right and he was wrong.  A dangerous place to be, self righteousness and pride.   This is something I haven't understood before.  How you cannot forgive someone until your heart is right.  Until God has humbled you and shown your own need for Jesus. Until you receive forgiveness from God if you sinned.  Those who are forgiven much love much.   More times than not when there is an argument or disagreement both parties are wrong.

I prayed God would give me the heart and words I needed and the Spirit would work in my situation. I had to totally rely on God I could not do this alone or make things ok.   I went to my husband this morning and told him he hurt my feelings but that I was wrong.  That the Spirit had convicted me of the things I had done. The sin was removed from between us.  We made things right.  We talked about what were my heart issues.  The cause of my sin.  How I could change.  What he could do to help me change.  This was a deeper thing than me just not getting his attention.  I have somethings I am going to have to put off and put on and so is he. God had made us willing and wanting His way more than ours.

It is neat how God can use your sin and repentance to actually not only restore relationships but make them better than they were before things had even happened.  Grace runs downhill.  God gives grace to the humble.  We are to resist the devil and our wanting and demanding of our own way.  We are to draw near to God and He will draw near to us. When people can come together in forgiveness and the redemption of Christ.  How He makes wrong things right.  It is a beautiful freeing thing.  Burdens and guilt is lifted.  There is peace and joy again.  New faith in Christ is given through repentance.  It is a way to become more like Jesus and work with what the Spirit is doing in you and others.  You have a new hope, a new and deeper love for others.  God is glorified.

There are steps in this devotional I mostly followed from an article by Rick Thomas. I tried to adapt his program to my situation.  Study this as I did his article and see if you can see what the steps are.  I thought I understood repentance and forgiveness but I had never seen all I need to see.

This is Ricks article.