I see this morning I am not Jesus. I wrote about my week helping people last week. I have a horrible headache and been down for two days.
I also wrote about helping people and how we should help everyone. I saw I was like Jonah. There was a whole group of people I ask for help and they did not help me. I have always prided myself in forgiving people. You know Jesus forgave me so I should forgive others. That those that have been forgiven much love much. I said Lord I cannot forgive. You are going to have to forgive me on the basis of what Jesus did for me not because of my forgiveness for others. God has been humbling me for two days. When you ask him to humble you and show you who you are apart from Him He will.
He showed me I am just like these people to someone who needs me right now. I just can't do what they are asking. I am beginning to see my limitations. There is just so much I can do for others. I am not Jesus. These people for whatever reason saw their limitations and they could not help me do what I was asking. This someone who is asking of me right now, I just can help so far. There are somethings I am just not capable of doing. I will love them, pray for them and know God will provide what and who they need to carry them on. I want to be a part of their life for as long as God places me there but I can't rescue them and they don't expect me to I don't think. I think I did think others could rescue me. So yes I can forgive. There is really nothing to forgive. I am just like them. What they did for me was just what I needed. With tears in my eyes I am hearing the Lord tell me do you accept and trust the plan I have had for your life. Do you trust me? I don't know what to say to that right now. I think I need some more time on that one. It is ok though. I don't have to have it all figured out. Right now for me to trust Him is to simply say as my daughter use to say to me, it is what it is.
I am trying to learn to live this new life of faith Jesus has given me. I see part of that is not only accepting who I am in Christ and what He has done for me but accepting my fallenness, my frailty and limitations. I am human I am not God and was not meant to be. God is faithful to me and to His other children. He is the one who sets the prisoners free, not me. He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it. I can share the burdens of others but I can't carry the load. I can love them within the bounds of my limitations. I can give what I can give and what I am capable of giving. It does not mean someone else won't come along where I have left off and help someone. We are not meant to take someone all the way through their life. That is what God does. Some plant, some water but the results are the Lords. The greatest thing I can do for someone is to point them to Jesus. Yes to practically help them when I can. But realize there are things and times I just cannot. I have to be ok with that.
God has always provided just who I needed in my life at just the right time and there have been many. He has even used these that I didn't think help me help me. They have been a friend to me and have given to me what they could give. They have prayed for me, sometimes just that is the very best we can do for someone. It is what and how God planned to use them in me. I didn't see until now what an issue this was with my heart. I think that is why I wrote on helping people. Not out of love but out of not accepting what God has had for me and how He has gone about it. I hear God saying it is ok but do you know I love you? Do you really know I love you. I said, I don't know, after a long wait. I don't know anything right now. He said it is ok, I will wait. I said are you sure it is ok or are you crushed? He said I already was. After hours and many tears...Yes, Yes I do believe it. I believe you love me. I believe the plan you have for me shows this love beyond any other plan there could have ever been. Like my plan of happiness and pain free. You love me and I accept this life you have for me. Please help me to enjoy it and you to the fullest by your grace. I just can't see things apart from your Spirit. I need you.
I feel free right now. Free to step into peoples lives when God leads me in ways he has equipped me with time, energy, resources and my gifting. I am no longer going to try to be everyones savior nor expect them to be mine. I am free to be me and to allow others to be them.