When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned,
and flame will not scorch you.
and through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned,
and flame will not scorch you.
I feel half way ready to write this but for days now it just won't let me go.
I have had something in my life, a thorn in my flesh, beginning at the time I became an adult. Can you relate? A difficult person to deal with. An addiction. Thoughts...Anything you wanted to have victory in your life and you just couldn't handle it or make it go away.
Paul had such a thorn in his flesh. God had given him a vision of heaven. Then he had a thorn in the flesh. No one really knows what that was but it was something to humble Paul. God blessed him, then gave him something in him so he wouldn't feel proud. God told him on the third pea my grace is sufficient for you Paul.
THere is something in my life I have dealt with almost as long as I can remember. It has been a constant struggle. I have read books, done seminars, taking courses, repented, spent time with the Lord and a lot of it was trying to figure out how to either get this out of my life or how I was to handle it. It humbled me. Drove me to Christ. Made me who I am today.
For the large part of my life I was in denial that I had a problem. I came out of denial and went straight into depression. Then as I faced my circumstance was real I ran to addiction to numb the pain. To not feel how bad it hurt. You don't feel the pain, you don't feel the love. I just simply did not think about it any more. Then I withdrew into a part of my being and buried myself there. Deep within my heart. Feeling no pain, feeling no joy, not living but isolated and paralzed. I was in a world all of my own. Now I feel my pain. I wrestle with what to do and how to be led by God. How to love, how to respond. How to go to Him for comfort and assurance of who I am. Who He truly is.
I am coming alive again but better than before because I am depending on and love him and not myself. Things are beautiful and glorious. No matter how difficult my circumstances may become. He is my life. He gives me my identity. He gives me worth and love and purpose. He sustains me. He meets my every need. I saw His goodness, faithfulness, and mercy to me. That He is love and He came to give that to me. That I can be with Him all throughout my day and even night because He never leaves me. No matter what I can be with Him continually.
My daughter and her family have struggled for at least four years. So therefore we have struggled with them. I have not seen them for almost a year after their spending lots of time with us through those years. She called last night for the first time since Christmas. We talked and talked then I had to let her go. I felt her slipping into the arms of Jesus straight through my fingers.
I said I love you. I think of you every day. I so miss you. I wish we had only one more night together. She and I would get the children to bed. We would go on my porch together. We had candles burning, the crickets singing and the light of the moon shinning. We would talk, about things...We would listen to love songs. Speak to each other famous and not so famous quotes from the old. We would smoke cigarettes and drink coke acolas and some times just be. We wouldn't say a word. We would just be and listen. He was with us. It was one of the most precious times of my life with her. I love her and miss her dearly. God willing there will be others times of such love with her. Right now He is with me and her even though we are apart.
I have had something in my life, a thorn in my flesh, beginning at the time I became an adult. Can you relate? A difficult person to deal with. An addiction. Thoughts...Anything you wanted to have victory in your life and you just couldn't handle it or make it go away.
Paul had such a thorn in his flesh. God had given him a vision of heaven. Then he had a thorn in the flesh. No one really knows what that was but it was something to humble Paul. God blessed him, then gave him something in him so he wouldn't feel proud. God told him on the third pea my grace is sufficient for you Paul.
THere is something in my life I have dealt with almost as long as I can remember. It has been a constant struggle. I have read books, done seminars, taking courses, repented, spent time with the Lord and a lot of it was trying to figure out how to either get this out of my life or how I was to handle it. It humbled me. Drove me to Christ. Made me who I am today.
For the large part of my life I was in denial that I had a problem. I came out of denial and went straight into depression. Then as I faced my circumstance was real I ran to addiction to numb the pain. To not feel how bad it hurt. You don't feel the pain, you don't feel the love. I just simply did not think about it any more. Then I withdrew into a part of my being and buried myself there. Deep within my heart. Feeling no pain, feeling no joy, not living but isolated and paralzed. I was in a world all of my own. Now I feel my pain. I wrestle with what to do and how to be led by God. How to love, how to respond. How to go to Him for comfort and assurance of who I am. Who He truly is.
I am coming alive again but better than before because I am depending on and love him and not myself. Things are beautiful and glorious. No matter how difficult my circumstances may become. He is my life. He gives me my identity. He gives me worth and love and purpose. He sustains me. He meets my every need. I saw His goodness, faithfulness, and mercy to me. That He is love and He came to give that to me. That I can be with Him all throughout my day and even night because He never leaves me. No matter what I can be with Him continually.
My daughter and her family have struggled for at least four years. So therefore we have struggled with them. I have not seen them for almost a year after their spending lots of time with us through those years. She called last night for the first time since Christmas. We talked and talked then I had to let her go. I felt her slipping into the arms of Jesus straight through my fingers.
I said I love you. I think of you every day. I so miss you. I wish we had only one more night together. She and I would get the children to bed. We would go on my porch together. We had candles burning, the crickets singing and the light of the moon shinning. We would talk, about things...We would listen to love songs. Speak to each other famous and not so famous quotes from the old. We would smoke cigarettes and drink coke acolas and some times just be. We wouldn't say a word. We would just be and listen. He was with us. It was one of the most precious times of my life with her. I love her and miss her dearly. God willing there will be others times of such love with her. Right now He is with me and her even though we are apart.
No comments:
Post a Comment