At The Foot of the Cross, Again

Here I am at the foot of the cross again. I am weak and tired and my true heart is showing through, as I try to protect my husband on these pain meds. He is stubborn and strong willed and bored and anxious, and I am hovering. My control or lack of it is wearing me down. I can either keep trying to suck it up, pull up my boots straps or let go of the situation and my husband, do the best I canand trust God. If my husband were a little child I would pick him up and just hold him in my arms til he is better. But he is 6'3", over 200 pds and big in statue. He wants to get up and go. He drove his car on the farm this morning and who knows where else lol, I panicked.

God says we will know Him in our weakness. Brennan Manning and Paul boast in nothing but the cross and love of Christ. They knew they had nothing to offer but Christ offered them everything. When we are weak, our resources we depend on are gone. We are given over to the strength and wisdom of God and Him only. We see our dyer need of a Savior because we are utterly helpless in and of ourselves. Apart from me you can do nothing, He said. I was just praying about my heart. I am mean and hateful. I am like a snake that has his head cut off and is whipping to and fro like it is still alive. I must die to my desires, even though I think they are good ones, and let God work through His love. When we can't only He can. It will be the love of God that brings me to repentance. We can't do repentance but we can pray for it. We can receive it when it comes. We can receive Him and allow Him to live through us We are like butter melting into a hot roll lol. We sink into Him and His existence. We are one.