I Haven't Loved Well

God has put something on my heart and when He does this I can't get rid of it til I share it. So for the peace of God I bare my soul.

I have not loved my husband well. We are like oil and water, we don't mix but make for a great salad. We are so different. I know, that is the idea. I am as far the left as he is to the right. But together we are one. He is strong where I am weak and I am strong where he is weak. We make for a great team.

I have always wanted the praise and approval of man, to please people. That is one of my greatest sins. He is a coach. He pleases himself and God and thinks you do not need his approval. He once told me if I do not say anything you are doing good. I don't go on that.

So what has happened. God is refining us both by us remaining together even through difficulties. If you have gotten a divorce for what ever reason then God uses that in your life. For us, we made a covenant and no matter how hard it has gotten we are committed. We are just that legalistic I guess. But what has happen, as God conforms us into one Spirit, two bodies, we are becoming like Christ. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't naturally love well. I struggle with self righteousness in the worse way. That means I think I am better than others. Well especially those that don't give me what I think I need. Or maybe it means I don't have sin as bad as yours, especially if you hurt me.

The truth is we are all alike. We all are in need of Jesus. Either you learn to let Him live His life through you or you live to your own desires of what you think will make you happy.  As for me I go back and forth like the blowing of the wind.  But God always wins me over in the end. Over the years I have seen my way doesn't work.  His way never lets me down.  So the older I get the more I press into Him and the desires of HIs heart.   Repentance does my heart good.  It draws me away for going my own way.  To HIs side where I abide.   Only Jesus truly gives us the desires of our hearts. It is His love it is HIm.

THe older and more mature Paul got he said I am chief of all sinners. Paul did not sin more but he saw his need for Jesus more. THe closer you get to the light, Jesus, the more you see your need, your failures. Scripture says he who is forgiven much loves much. When we see how much God forgives us and loves us, we can love and forgive others with the same mercy and grace He showers us with.

That is what Jesus is all about. GIving us love for Him and for others. THe summation of the law is to love God and to love others as ourselves. Apart from Christ living in us and us trusting in His life by faith, we cannot do this.

My husband is so unlike me. I am so unlike him. We have fought, argued, been silent but Jesus is teaching us both to love each other as Jesus loves us.