I Was Spent

My husband had over night guest at our home. My refrigerator was bare of breakfast foods so I was up and at the grocery at 5:30. I came back and cooked, what I thought was a great breakfast for hungry men.

Had some neat time with the Lord.

Then saw a text from a precious friend who had a death in her family. We decided to do coffee mid morning. After that I had lunch with a couple of other friends I have also known for decades and love. One had also gone through a great loss. A couple of hours later I met with a young man about a swing for my back screened in porch. I want to try to get before the grandchildren come to visit from Texas. I then went to my friends house to look at the swing her husband had built.

It had been a wonderful day but I was beat. My husband came in after having two days of being up constantly after only weeks after his knee replacement surgery, with business meetings. He is doing great but has been overdoing so much. He said talk to me before you do anything on the porch. I got real defensive. I thought why should I talk to you about it. I have wanted a swing for years and now I have found someone who can do it for me. In other words I have a right to want what I want. I said I can't talk about this right now. I am angry and I am tired. He said me too. I said I know you are. I don't know how you are still going.

I had given all I had physically and mentally and spiritually. I had none of the best left for my husband and son. My patience was thin. I got angry for no reason inside. I was spent. I thought of all theses things I wanted to say. I just prayed. Lord please don't let me open my mouth. I will regret it. I am tired. Give me the gift of the Spirit, self control. I had given my best all throughout my day and when I needed it most, for family, it was gone. I was mad at myself. I have been so excited about telling all my friends what God has done in my life. Giving me grace and life through Jesus living in and through me, of the love the Father and Spirit have for me. I have been going day after day.

I didn't even feel like cooking so I picked up supper. After eating I just sat on my porch. I began to pray. Lord I need you. Please fill me. Work in my heart. Fill me, love me give me peace and joy knowing you are in control even of that porch swing I think is so important. It wasn't the swing it was everything. I was not allowing the love of Christ to flow through me. Somewhere along the day I had shifted from reliance and dependence on the Spirit to my own strength and it showed.

How many times do we give our best to our work, keeping our houses, friends, volunteering, ministry, so many things, then when it is time to give to our family we are all given out? We must keep our priorities in order. We do not need to fill our days so full we can not love the people we are with. I had done that. I called the friend I was to be with tomorrow and I cancelled. She understood. I had to be with God. I have to go for walks, listen to music, worship and be here for my husband.

Lord, please forgive me. Help me to depend on you when I plan my day. You say you will direct our path. Thank you for meeting me in my time of need. I do need you Father. I can do nothing apart from you.