These past few weeks have been hard. I have felt like God was silent and I didn't know why. The things that kept coming to my mind were that He loved me and He would never leave me. But then I would see the condition of my heart. It was no good. My true motives for wanting something. Something that I thought I had to have to be ok. I saw jealously, pride, covet and so much more because of these root things that I wanted. When I didn't get them I saw the things I ran to. Like my addictions. The things I hide in and find comfort in. The things I thought would save me.
In the quiet of my time with the Lord the Spirit revealed so much to me I was broken. THings I had never thought of before. Things I never thought were a problem for me. I was running to my comfort instead of God and it was very clear by His silence. I felt confused but somehow still hung on to Christ love for me and that no sin of mine was bigger that the cross.
But what was God doing...
Right outside my porch under the eve of the house there is a little bird nest I have been watching. I saw the mother cover the eggs with her wings. Then I saw three little birds hatch. During this time other birds would come to the nest and the mother bird would fight them off. She would feed them, protect them, care for them, fight for them. They could not defend or fly or do anything for themselves.
I see God doing this for me. But I don't see Him as a small little bird I see Him as a Lion. King of the beast. Greatest of all. And He has come to fight for me. To rescue me from these things. I am defenseless. I can do nothing of my own. I look to the King, the Lion. And I am saved.