Monday, February 17, 2014

Breaking the rules...

Sometimes I write for you and sometimes I selfishly write for me. Hoping and praying it ministers to you, all along but it is a therapy for me at times. A prayer letter to God. Now is one of those times. I have already written today and don't need to post too much, some would say. I am breaking all the rules and going for it anyway.

Do you ever have a day when you feel like a failure. You begin to evaluate yourself...your wins and losses. Your successes and failures? I have fallen into that today. Comparing yourself to others? There is no life in that. I know better. You never quiet measure up or are enough. Comparison is the thief of joy. I don't need satan beating me up or any one else to confirm me. I am my own judge and the conviction is set...guilty as charged. I am a failure. I can't do anything right. I am not being used by God and have no strength just to get through my day. Do you ever hear these lies or is it just me sometimes?

Today is my second day of trying to catch up physically after what I did to myself this weekend. I hate it. But now in this state I am going to preach the gospel to myself. I am going to pray to God that He rescues and delivers me from this pit. Why are you down cast oh my soul.

My family is doing well. Some are struggling but that is life. I have no real issues in my life at this moment that I don't believe God is bigger. No things that are too troubling but I am down and out. It is not a particular thing that is bothering me. I am just low. Maybe slept too much, been inside, who knows what it is. It is what it is and I cannot analyze it. I am just down.

I was reading Spurgeon last evening. He was talking about no matter how weak and imperfect our love is to God, that our loving Him makes Him glad. How delightful is our love to Him. When we lay our head on His bosom we not only receive but we give Him great joy. When we gaze with love upon His all glorious face, you not only obtain comfort but impart delight to Him. Our praise, also give Him joy-not the song of the lips alone, but the melody of the heart's deep gratitude. Our gifts, too are very pleasant to Him, our time, talents and substance upon the altar, not for the value but our hearts. When we forgive our enemies and loved ones we make Christ glad. When we give to the poor, and He rejoices over saved souls. When we proclaim the gospel we are a sweet savor to Him;

So how can we be downcast when we make our Savior glad by our mere presence with Him. Somedays we just are and that is ok. He will meet us there. He will just sit with us and love us and take great joy in our presence and comfort our very souls with His love. It is ok not to be happy all the time. It is ok to be human. That is why we need Jesus, our Savior and King. So that is what I am going to just be for tonight. Just be...