The night before last, I went to my first "AA" meeting in a long time. I needed support. I needed to be reminded why I was not drinking my wine. I sat there for about half of the meeting, and I left. I heard about the chaos of life, the irresponsibility, the calamity and confusion of life and relationships, the lack of peace and happiness, that drinking can bring and I remembered. I remembered what my life was like when I couldn't wait until 5:00 came. How I would rearrange my life around my time alone with my sips of wine. How my best friend had been a liar, that it could bring me life. It actually robbed me of life. I was withdrawn and to myself, escaping, being comforted and isolating in a world I thought I could manage. I could because there was no other life but me and my wine for that period of time. My wine did not bring life. It robbed me of all of life and all Life, Himself had to offer me.
After listening for 30 min I decided I wanted no part of that life again and I was done. So thank you for praying for me.
In Philippians 3 Paul recounts his old life. He remembers who he was and that he never wanted to go there again but to find a righteousness that is in Christ and not of his own. I was there. The perfect wife and mother but it was in vain. Paul went away for a time just to be with the Lord. Then he was given eyes to see what his new identity was. I had to go away for a time. My time was with the Lord, learning and searching. I was also in isolation and depression but my eyes were opened to my new identity. I am a new creature in Christ. The old has passed away and there is new. I want to live in this newness, this new identity of life in Christ. This life of righteousness, forgiveness and love and acceptance.
I went to my doctor yesterday. He said I was actually better than before I got sick. That I was alert, sharp and quick. He attributed it to many things but he said the biggest thing is I am not drinking any wine. That alcohol kills the brain cells. He said you have just begun to experience life. I shared with him how my strength and my mind was getting healthier and stronger. That each day I could accomplish more and do more that I ever could since I had gotten sick years ago.
I am on a new med. My old medicine is just not working. I am only on one, an anti-psycotic med. Over this next month I will be getting off the old one and on to the new one. I have been doing this for a few weeks now but I could become over medicated. My doctor said to call he will help me. He said I could get lethargic, tired and confused. I dread this process but I have to go through it to get into a better place. My doctor said for the next 6 months the coming off the wine may increase my desire for it as I get better. I may need to come to you again for prayer or go back to a meeting but for now, I am good, really, really good.
I feel like I have been dead and now I am alive. I am excited about life and people and my family. I am learning new and exciting things and am enjoying God in new ways. It is gonna be fun and I want to take you along with me so thanks for reading.
I know many of you are really suffering. I want to tell you I have a heart for the brokenhearted as never before. For the addict and the homeless. I am not sure what I am going to do about this desire to help those but I am already beginning to make some contributions I hope helps someone along the way. I am going to a meeting today in hopes of bring a conference to our town for the churches to become more aware of those with mental disorders and how to help the. God has given me an unbelievable compassion. Please know I care. God cares. You are not alone and trust in Him. Open up to someone you can trust. A pastor or a friend. Get counsel. Don't stay where you are. Move out of the life of being frozen into the new life in Christ. I so want this for you but to tell you also...God had a purpose for my time I spent sick. He used it all, so don't look back except to learn from it. He uses even our sin for our good. There are hard consequences to sin sometimes but not ever what we deserve. Learn to wait on God and see what He has for you. Wait, go...I can't tell you but the Spirit can and will. Share with a friend and know I am praying. Let Him be your comfort and your new identity. Rejoice...this is the day the Lord has made. Be glad in it.
Good bye for now my friends and may Gods richest blessing be with you...
Missed my meeting today. Slept through it. I don't know if I can do this. Rick Thomas posted Moody, many are willing to do great things of the Lord, but few are willing to do little. Lord I may have to do little.