Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Working with the Spirit

Having some time to think, I feel I need to devote some time this summer to what I think God is doing in my life.  I really hate complaining but for you to understand nearly every day of my life is hard unless I just stay in my comfort zone here at home by myself.  Isolation is not good.  Fears that are not face just multiply and grow.  I am making a conscience decision to cooperate with the Spirit and work hard and deliberate on some things that just hold me back.

I have started a volunteer job at behavior health.  They have ask me to work some like 5 days in a row all day.  This is really a stretch for me.  I usually go in for the afternoons for two days a week.

Also I have put off working on a devotional book.  I don't know that it will be used for anything but my family but I feel I must at least try.

I need routine in my life.  It seems so funny speaking of these things that seem so hard for me when I use to do it with such ease before I was diagnosed with the mental disorder.  In a real sense it is like I know myself better that I have ever known.  I am more real with who I really am.  I don't need other people to tell me to put on a smile and keep everything good and positive.  That is great but sometimes it is just not true.  Life is a struggle for the ones with mental disorders and so many others with handicaps whether physical or mental.  For us and others life is a challenge.  I do not want to give in to to it but see how God can use it in an amazing way.

For instance this weekend I made myself with the help of God, go to a family reunion.  Usually it is easier for me to deal with one on one rather than a group.  It was a long drive some with family and some by myself.  But I was going to do this one way or another.  I spent Sat night with my cousins and had some great time visiting with my cousin who has also been diagnosed with mental disorder.  It was as if we could see into each others heart, lives and fears.  It was awesome.  God has used my mental disorder to relate to a cousin I had never visited with before in a way that was so intimate that it reminded me of Jesus.  I thought this is how Jesus sees into my heart.

I don't know how much I am going to write this summer.  I love writing but the pressure of everyday I need a break from.  I want to spend some time reading, studying Gods word, meditating and just seeking His face.  This maybe harder for me than I realize.

Would you check back here from time to time as we come to heart and mind.  I am praying for you and your journey with Christ.  It is an unbelievable experience that no one can understand.  They have to experience it.  It is so much more than a positive attitude.  It is being touched by the Love of God and the grace that He gives.  Sometimes it is a struggle and sometimes it is sliding down a huge slide into the arms of your Father.  Being tossed in the air with the strong grip that keeps you safe.

Nite dear friend.  God knows your heart.  Don't be afraid to be real with Him.  There is nothing like the experience of being your real self and knowing you are loved and cherished beyond measure.