Tuesday, August 8, 2017



Hey everybody.  I am doing so much better, after this long, difficult... just really hard year...I wanted to catch you up on life at Ford Farms as far as today, my health,  spiritually and physically.

A year ago I was in the hospital and taken off the med I had taken for over 20  years.  I was put on a high dose of another one.  It has been so very hard. I felt I lost hope and heart even at times.   I have been discouraged and felt I had no life.  The sleeping and the pain, the swelling,  at times were more than I could handle.  So I just was as one day faded into another.  Sleeping my life away with no strength to fight the sedation of the med.  The process was hoped to get better as the med was promised to be tapered as the time went on.  I saw no improvement or progress.  Blood had to be taken once a week.

My family Dr. did not acknowledge the med was causing the side effects. He did not know.   So we ran test after test to try and find out the cause.  I knew in my heart but proving it was out of my power.  He felt the lack of activity kept things from flowing in a healthy way.  I am sure that does not help as today I have spend hours in the car.  Swelling as the same as it was before it got better.  Dense thinking and tired.

Last week my other Dr added a small dose of another med. A new one on the market.   The cost is 1,000.  So far I have had help with getting it.  The side effects of the previous med are gone! Almost totally.  I am so in awe and amazed.  I have life again.  I am thankful beyond words.  I do not think I will be taking life as a gift, for granted.

I wanted to help you think with me.  If you are not already thinking of some of these things.

I am sure the things going through my head and heart you know.  I would love to hear your thoughts.  I don't think we can be encouraged too often.

We are saved by grace, by faith...Justified.
We are also sanctified by grace...by faith.

We are becoming more like our Savior...
We are learning and becoming empowered to love as Jesus does.
It is His grace.

We are born into a battle.  A Spiritual Battle!

God brings down the strong and strengthens the weak.  Redemption is no respecter of persons.

Jesus is rescuing us from evil, even when we have no idea a battle is going on all around us, within our own selves.

Your husband you are in conflict with...
Your teenager you are trying so hard to keep under your control...
Your boss that drives you crazy...
It is not flesh and blood that is your battle...It is evil...

A Spiritual Battle.   It is with Satan and those fallen angles and spirits that are with him.  He is angry because Jesus has defeated him.  In our living out our faith we need to remember that

If you are Jesus',  you are living out of a life of victory!

One of the prayers I pray often is do not leave me to myself oh Lord.  I know that I can be deceived.  My wisdom is none at all apart from my Lord.

I also pray so often...Lord Jesus rescue me.
You may wonder...ok...how does this happen.

FIRST OF ALL it is Gods grace that draws me to pray the prayer of deliverance.

SECOND He gives me the faith to believe that He will lift me up.

Rise me up out of the weightiness of the situation I maybe experiencing at the time.  It maybe just tired because of a certain med.  It can be a heaviness and sadness that I maybe experiencing and don't know why.  I know He can draw me out of it.  I usually pray and wait...believing for the rescue.  It amazes me how I have a strength that is not of my own and a love and hope.  Even gratitude.  It is the Spirits work.

There are times I have to go about my day asking for the faith to believe He will deliver and raise me up.  It is not always my time.

For instance, anger, unforgiveness.  Or maybe oppression of fear or confusion.  It maybe slight.  Just enough to keep me from doing things I usually do.
It maybe when I was fearful for no reason.  Or feeling guilty for no reason.  It could be stuck in regret that is keeping me from going further in faith.

It could be a sin I am struggling with.  I struggled so much with smoking.  I tried telling myself it was not a sin for me but I knew the way the world saw it.  So I felt it hurt my family seeing me smoke.  We did not know when I began at 18 that it was bad for you.  But none the less it consumed so much of my time, thoughts. It robbed me of peace.   I begged God to free me.  I believed He would.  It would play on my conscious.  I hated it and did everything possible to stop and I just could not.  So what do you do?  Believe me it gave me compassion for others who struggle.  Trusting God through that, oh man!  I really thought I was pretty good but for that if I was honest lol.  He couldn't let me stop.  I claimed the blood of Jesus for me over and over.  I had a hard time with it at times more so than others.

Honestly...I held a rotten lung, black.  I did acupuncture twice.  I took chantix.  A medicine.  I wore patches more times than I can remember.  I chewed the gum.  I tapered.  I am sure there is more.

A year ago I was put in the hospital to get my meds changed.  They told me I could not smoke.  So I stopped.  Just like that it was over.  I have a pack in my drawer now because I was mad they made me.  I wanted it to be my choice.  I did feel my will being broken a couple of times.  I got mad but after I threw a couple of fits I was done.  I couldn't believe God did that.   I didn't think of it again.   I just changed my thoughts.  I did use the patch a little at first in the hospital.  I thought this is like starting over.  So I just stopped and didn't look back.

I have no doubt that it was not the graciousness of my Father that did that for me.  My mentor a long time ago said when God sets you free you will stop.  Don't worry about it now.  I thought God didn't free me because I was so self-righteous.  He would keep me from pride.  Like Paul's thorn in the flesh.  I got to where I didn't hide it.  I just gave up.  But GOD!

So whatever my struggle in life...it is Jesus that sets me free, rescues me.  Then it is as if He lifts me to the heavens beside Him.  I have peace and joy even in the most difficult circumstances.




There are some things that the struggle has been for years.  We all have them...Really though it does not mean I won't struggle.  But my heart is of love beyond my doing.  I have a strength,  humility I suppose, because I long for Gods will not mine.  Others best before me...It is not possible for a prideful, depressed, anxious woman like me to bring about.  It makes me in awe that the Spirit will and can do that in me. Someone told me the other day.  Don't do that they are going to think you are crazy.  I read in John 15 that they though Jesus was crazy.  He lifts us the lowly.  It is just not fun breaking someone as strong willed as me.

The Holy Spirit works in my heart to bring to my mind, illuminate certain things in my life that is offensive to Him.  What has my heart and my worship besides Jesus.

Then we go to work...

Just recently I realized I was not a grateful person as I once was...with the help of my family and a friend.  This has been a hard year and it had taken its tole on me.   I thought God had given me the gift of encouragement.  Why did I find it so hard now to be thankful and to encourage those I love the most.

I began small.  Thanking God for specific things.  I also ask Him to help me see the good in others that He saw.   I would see with HIs eyes.  I prayed for Him to change my heart to be more loving and kind.  I ask the Spirit for the gifts.  Time searching my heart, revealed a part of me,  that has come to the surface during the hard year.  When you are left weak you see as you really are.

I realized though, life can be hard and there can be a sweetness shared with Jesus  that nothing can take away.

 I use to think I was sweet.  I just didn't really love people for themselves... selfishly.  I wanted their approval to say I was ok. I carried a weight that was not mine to carry.  I was not to blame for everything and everyone.  I was not that important or powerful.  I have done wrong things, as we all have.  I adored my children and my husband.  When life hit a hard place for each one of us...I saw that my faith was more in me fixing everyones problems and life.  Not so much trust in God.  I believe God has use my illness for me to learn to trust Him.  To love from the depths of my heart.  Let people into my heart without fear of failure.

So yeah Jesus...You are on your mighty stallion, with your armor, raised high your weapon, fighting in victory, like nothing this world has ever seen.

We lift our hearts and our worship to you Oh Lord!  Set us free!  Rescuing us from evil, for your glory throughout all eternity!

Humble yourself before the mighty hand of God and He will lift you up,  in due time!

What I am sharing with you is work.  It is joy.  It is repentance and faith.  It is a life,  I never thought

possible this side of heaven.  At times it is sheer coping, praying, asking for prayer and in more pain

than I know what to do with.  Other times I cannot believe how wonderful I feel.

In is personal relationship with my Savior, who knows me, but yet loves me.

It is consolation prayer.

It is meditation and solitude and trying to just get through the day with clear thoughts.

It is surrendering my heart over and over and over.

It is living in the purposes of God.  His will becomes mine.

The glory of our God!  

God stretches me as I live in the moment, the present, be present.

Each day seems to be its own as I am unable to predict.

It is a beauty seen though the eyes of Jesus...

It is a rightness of Jesus that our Father sees each time He looks upon us,

which delights Him beyond our comprehension.