Thursday, August 4, 2016

Having nothing

Is it important to have nothing to know how really rich you are?

I have been sick for about 6 mos.  I have been in the hospital, mental.  I have lost my memory short term.  I have been confused.  I have slept for days and weeks and not been able to eat and drink.  I had to get fluids.

We, friends and family and I sat for hours waiting for a room.  We saw the broken, bloody, the sick, the hungry, the insane for hours on in wondering when I might get a space to be.

I was given 124mg/ medication and watched intently.  I stayed for a week.  My new friends were the ones with problems beyond my help.  All I could do was be there.  I had nothing.

My friends and family had to do what I could not do.  My daughter had to change my sheets in the middle of the night because I could not keep from going to the bathroom all over my self.  My husband and children and friends sat with me for hours and watched me sleep for hours.  I could't even make a pot of coffee.  I was so confused.

My heart was before me.  My intent.  I was given nothing but grace and love and care over and over again.

My meds are better now.  I am able to see that I never had anything of my own.  My friends and my family shower me with love and grace and I am so very rich with the Fathers love and my family.  All I want to do is talk to my friends and family and thank God for them and love them for loving me.  All I have is grace upon grace and love upon love and your prayers and care for me.

It falls on my grateful heart as I am in control of nothing I have.  Nor do I feel there is anything I have to give.  I do not even know about writing this piece with a confused mind.  I feel completely empty handed begging for grace.  Pleading with God to never let me feel I am worthy or valuable of anything but given more and more grace and love and gifts and kindness and mercy and love by my family and friends and my God.

May His Mercy continue to follow me all  my days.