Last time I wrote, I mentioned making some changes. I have noticed several things with that remark...There is more to change than I ever imagined and two it is harder to change than I expected and three sometimes you hurt the ones who have forgiven you the most and four, Jesus grace never runs out and five, sometimes you may wonder if there is enough forgiveness for even you.
What I have discovered is what a sinner I am. God tells us His law is to love God with your whole heart, mind and strength and your people in your life, love them as you do yourself. I see just how far I am from keeping the law of God...from loving God perfectly and others...Sometimes you have to fail in order to see just how bad you fail. It takes that for it to touch your self righteousness. To see how much you love yourself more than others or God.
I am going to hope to share in the next little while, some ways the Spirit is illuminating the ways I fail in loving God and people. Tonight is the first at recognizing again and again that sometimes it is best to say nothing. Silence is golden. Be still and know that He is God. I can be blind because of the demands of my flesh to be right, important, significant, selfish, more than I love those in my life. I think of the wounds of Jesus and then the wounds my words can cause. I can defend and rationalize until the damage is done. It can seem so right at the time to be right. The problem is who is all right? Certainly not me but I think at times I am and that seems more important than people. I should be slow to speak instead of wanting to be first and right. My reputation and knowledge seems to be more important than loving and obeying God.
As I confess these sins, I pray, heal my friends wounds. I try to blame this on my illness but I am afraid it is my lack of love. No excuses. As I do all I can to make it right all I can do is to trust my damage made with Jesus. By His stripes we are healed. By our words we are scared or used to build others up and for the purposes of God. May I please learn the difference Lord before I speak or write and not after. It seems I am still doing the same thing. Yes change is hard. Please change me Lord and wash me whiter than snow as I grieve and am so broken over the pain I can and have caused others. Let me learn to lay my life down for people and point us all to the One who laid His life down for His own. Or just be silent and wait on Jesus who draws us all to Himself. Please restore multiple times what I have harmed. Forgive me 70X7 and more Jesus please. I really cannot count them all but I don't want to forget what I have done.
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