Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Whisper my name

Well Thanksgiving is approaching and we are to be thankful right?  Have you ever had a sad day?  Your not really sure why.  You try to find reasons.  Maybe there has been too many holidays in the past that were harder thank you hoped.  Maybe you are tired and weary and you are caring a load you were not meant to carry.  What happened to the freedom Christ has given you.  Maybe you have focused on what you think you should have done in life for Jesus and others.  Great things and they just didn't happen.  Maybe there are some relationships that are not where you think they should be.  No it is not raining.  It is not a cloudy day.  You are just sad.  You had all these plans of writing your friends and family cards telling them how thankful you are for them and it hasn't happened.  You have sat around and meditated much too much on theology.  Ask God to be sufficient for you wondering when the rescue will come.

You think through and you have more blessings than you can count.  God has used hard times for blessings.  He has worked miracles in your families life.  You have more than you ever deserve.  What about the starving ones.  The homeless man you saw on the street just a few days ago.  How it pierced your heart.  You feel like you could be in a room of 100 and be lonely.  It has not happened over night.  You have been withdrawing for awhile.  Isolating for some reason.  You have this nagging feeling of worthlessness and you look to someone to fix it and you know they can't.  It will never be enough.

Then I think of the Israelites being in the desert for 40 years.  I think I have been in a desert for that long.  Where is my celebration that Jesus has come.  The Israelites were not it the desert because they didn't obey but because they wouldn't let God love them.  Come under His wing.

I built a fire, got my cup of coffee and gazed into the flaming beauty.  What is it all about God?   Can I really not mess it all up?  I am thankful, you know that, but sometimes it feels good just to be sad.  I don't think I would appreciate the happiness and joyfulness and thankfulness without the dark days from time to time.  No I don't want to stay there.  I want you to be near and let me feel the nail scared hands.  Feel the crown of thorns.  Put my hand in your side and just rest against your breast.  You are all I really want Jesus, Father and Spirit.  My life is full and complete with you.  I breathe, deep and slow.  All I really have is Jesus in this moment.  I choose to spend it with you.  You fill this place with your presence and I whisper your name and you whisper mine and I am good.  At peace and rest.  The day is almost over and the mercies will meet me in the sunrise.  It will be another day and I will have the choice to be sad again or thankful and glad.  I make that choice right now Jesus.  I choose you because you first chose me.  Thank you for letting me be me.  Not strong.  Not have it all together.  Not have all the answers.  But show you my vulnerable self that longs to lean on you and you love me anyway.  What if you whisper my name and tell me to take the scales off my eyes and wake up.  It was just a dream with my eyes seemly open but truly closed.  The christian may struggle but he knows his life is in Christ and Christ in him.  He is our peace and our joy.  When we are not in that place we are focused on something besides Jesus.

Are you feeling insignificant?  Wonder why you are here on earth.  What is life all about?  God makes it clear in His word.  God says we are His most valued, most treasured creation.  We are important to Him and He has a plan.  We are here to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.