Sunday, August 19, 2012

Keep my heart

Our daughter and her children were with us the month of July.  One of the things we got to do as a family was go to the beach together.  One day I was down at the beach with them.  There were three grandchildren.  They would dive into the waves with no fear and excitement.  Then I would have to look down the beach to find them.  The waves would take them far from where they began.

We never know where this life of faith is going to take us.  I never would have thought I would be where I am today.  That the ones I love would be where they are.  The things we have experienced, the joy, the pain and the faithfulness of God.

I was growing weary with the things of life and ask a friend of mine if we could go out of town for a few days.  This is very unlike me.  She said yes and suggested her moms mountain house in the Smoky Mountains.

We left the first of the week.  The view was absolutely breath taking.  I ask the Lord to renew me and my strength.  I tried to leave the worries behind me and just go and get away.  We did rest, read, talk, eat, meditate, enjoy and delight in the Lord and His creation.  The first day there I must have slept for 12 hrs.  We would spend the nights just talking about our hearts, our desires our failures and our longings. There were some things that had weighed on me so heavily I wanted to leave them behind.  But confessing and discussing them with my friend brought insight and resolve to go back home and follow Gods lead.

I had direction from the Lord.  I knew what clearly He wanted me to do.  There was only one problem. My heart.  I did not feel what God wanted me to do.  It was though my heart slipped right threw my fingers.  So I went to the Lord over and over.  Lord I am willing to be willing.  Please change my heart.  I can try to do this on sheer determination but I don't know if it will hold me.  I need a change of heart.

You cannot go far enough for long enough to out run your heart.  When I returned the things of this world awaited me.  I knew what God wanted me not to do and to do but I could not.  I tried saying them with my mouth but my heart just was not there.  There are times we cannot protect ourselves when God steps in and takes over and rescues us.  It was amazing.  God did what I could not do.
Then the heart change came.  Oh I still struggle with the intimidation and the seduction of the world but God is there at every turn doing what I cannot do.

Slowly but surely my heart has come around.  But what I have seen is God is faithful even when I am not.  He is about making sure His purposes and plans go forward.  I cried out to Him and He restored me and strengthened me.  He helps the ache of the pain of the circumstances because I know He is in control of all things.   He is my comfort.  He is my peace.  I pray oh Lord keep my heart from the things of this world.  May I rest in you and your love for me, your people.  You are my God.  I have ran out of my resources.  I have stopped the running.  I am home.