Thursday, January 19, 2012

All for Good

“And He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”   (Romans 8:27-29)
It was about 6 a.m.  I had not slept for 3 days.  I had not eaten for longer than that.  The voices in my head and the visions I was seeing were preoccupying and consuming me:  There was a committee.  Like a jury.  My case was being tried.  I had done something horribly wrong which was not even clear to me at the time, nor is it now.   The verdict came in.  I was found guilty.  It was to be punishment of either my family, or me.  I would be given an opportunity to take my own life in order to save my family.  This vision seemed so real.
Everyone in the house was asleep when, without hesitation, I walked to my car.  Began to drive.  I slowly went around a curve. Then it was as if someone was in the car with me putting their foot on mine, pressing the accelerator to the floor.  I did not resist, but curved to the right to a wooded area as fast as I could.
I was stopped by one tree.  Oh no. I am still alive.  I didn’t know the tree was the only thing between me and a house.  I could have killed someone.  I couldn’t get out of the car.  It was totaled. The seat belt, also, was holding me in.  I unclasped it and rolled down the window to crawl out.  What am I going to do?
I walked into the street and stood in front of cars.  They swerved around me, drivers cussing and yelling at me.  Then I felt the gentle touch of someone’s hands on my shoulders. I looked and a man said: “It is ok.  Come over here.”
 The next thing I remember was the ambulance coming.  I looked for the man and couldn’t find him.  I was taken to a hospital and then admitted to a psychiatric hospital.  All I could think of was:  What is going to happen to my family now?
 This happened several years ago.  I tell this story now for you to see God’s faithfulness.  That is why I write.  Some people don’t survive.  God is still faithful.  For some reason He rescued me.  I have no idea why, but I know I will proclaim His faithfulness to the faithless until my dying days.  I love the Lord Jesus and the Father, and the Spirit.  My greatest desire is to love and serve God with my whole heart.
 After the wreck I began to look for God’s faithfulness in my life, my family, and the lives of others.  One of His character traits is that He is always faithful.  I have seen it, and He has proven it to me over and over.  I can’t earn it.  He freely gives it.  It is who He is:  faithful.
 I want to tell this story. I want my children and their children’s children to know of God’s faithfulness to our generation.  I pray that God continues to be glorified.  He has given me a passion for the mentally ill, the brokenhearted, and those suffering from these kinds of experiences.  People have been saved and have been ministered to.
 Whatever you have been through, God promises to use it for good if you love Him.  Our mistakes and, yes, even our sin.  Everything.  Look for it.  Expect it.  Believe it.