Saturday, October 10, 2015

One Victory, One Joy at a Time

I don't know when it happened!

I just know that it did.  Somewhere along the way my heart had stopped panting for Gods 

heart and for life.  All of a sudden...I noticed all I could see were problems and my struggles, 

big and small.

My life was full of miracles and blessings but it was like a fine covering was over my eyes.  I couldn't see the everyday blessing and presence of God in them.  I couldn't see the best in others or myself.  All I could do was dread and despair.  I was consumed by fear.  My hope was in the things that had control over me and me trying to have control over them.  I was a control addict just waiting to get another fix of happy!

About 10 days ago a text came that 90% of our internet was all used up.  So my husband and I agreed not to go over our limit.  I would be on the computer a little in the morning or evening, but would go to a nearby business and use their WiFi.  I would stay around 20 minutes and then to home I would go.  This would be it for the day.

Taking this out of my life, I saw how my joy was gone.  I could feel the sadness and the void.

What is the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing at night? Media can be used for a lot of good but like most things can be twisted because our hearts long to find only what Jesus can give us.  I would be on the internet even when my family was around.  Did you know the person you are with feels they are not worthy of your full attention.  When their time with you is divided by a phone or an iPad.  Whether you are a professional, a parent or a teenager with media.  If you attention is interrupted from those you are with they just may feel rejected.  It can be anything that takes you away.  A friend cuts off all electronics on Fridays as she and her husband spend that time together.

I can tell when my joy is gone...when I say if only...I had this or did this, I would be content or full or happy.

If they would only do this their life would turn out ok.  I know just what they need to do.

I was more consumed with the over all responsibility of the world and everyone in it.  It all seemed to depend on me and I would draw up in a knot when things or people weren't going according to the way I thought they should.  A friend and my daughter confronted me about my intensity.  I offered advice to a young lady and I saw it all.  Why hadn't I taken my own advice.  When had I stopped enjoying people and enjoying God? Then the veil was lifted and I began to see my control.  I didn't know how to change at first and was grieved when I didn't change.  So I ask others and God to forgive me.

The next day was different.  I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in a long time and just enjoyed their company so very much.  We laughed, ate fresh, good food and caught up on the last years that had gone by so fast.  I watched a ballgame on television with my husband , even two shows of Jeopardy and it was so relaxing. I don't know if I have ever done that. I don't even like TV.  I got in my car and chased a sunrise with my camera. Prayed with women in the warm home of a good friend. I encouraged my children while holding back what they should do.   It was living life in the moment and giving the cares to my Father, who loves me so.

I had forgotten what it felt like to hold my worn bible, flip the designs in a magazine, even feel the pages of a good book.  Things would be different now and I liked it that way.

My dear friend...the gospel is Christ plus nothing.  If I have to do more, be more, learn or understand more, to convience others what they should do or change them for my  peace or their successful life, even as a christian, then I am saying Jesus isn't enough for my contentment nor for me.  When I have done this I am adding to the gospel.  As Paul told the Gelatins when they were taking up rules, to be a christian, "what happened to all your joy"?  Christ has come!

Becoming more like Christ is not trying harder to do better... but it is resting in, what Christ has already done and said that it is finished.  Living out of that truth.  It is gazing into His face and saying, I love you.  I want more of you in my life.  I surrender into the Fathers love.  It was a decision I made by grace and the faith I needed for today, was there to trust Him and glorify Him more.  Then and only then could I love another person as I had been loved.  One victory, one joy at a time, but a decision for eternity, to happen over and over again.