Saturday, October 24, 2015

An audience of One

Writing to an audience of One

It is with missing you but great joy that I am telling you...I am getting out of public ministry for now.

With wise counsel and time spent with the Lord for over a week now.   I have decided not to write publicly.

I love writing.

My writing began with a prayer letter email I wrote to a small group of friends some 15 years ago.  It was confidential and the list grew.  Over time and with the encouragement of friends I began Whispers of God.

I am not a good writer.  I write on about the level of a 7th grade student.

 I learned to express myself in honesty.  I learned to present my problems in life and as Jesus, the Gospel, as my answer.

My motives were mixed.

My first motive was to write of Gods faithfulness to the faithless, ME!

My second motive was to encourage the mentally ill.

My third motive was to glorify God.

My fourth motive was because I enjoyed writing.

My fifth motive was to be fully known and to be loved by you and by God.

This is not a punishment.

It has been hard for me to let go of the writing because I have seen it as a punishment.  Each time I get sick I have been told...I have to stop writing.  I have to get off the computer, phone, can't drive, can't watch tv or read or even go to Church.  It is a brain stimulant for me.  My mind needed to heal.

This time it is different.  I am not forced to stop writing.  I am choosing to follow Jesus in Him leading me what I am to be about right now, today.

I love being with my family.  There were times I wrote so honestly about myself.  It was painful to my family.  Somethings are for families and intimacy with others.  It is wise to know what to share and what to keep within the realms of confidentiality.  They love me and wanted to protect me against myself.

To write is hard for me mentally.  It puts a drain on my mind.  There were many times I wrote, I would struggle with a break down of mental strength.  I would experience great warfare in my mind.  I have to ask myself how healthy is it for me mentally.  Taking care of ourselves is something I have never known how to do.  I am learning.

I look to this time with expectancy of great joy and surprises.

I now know that I am to be with others that struggle with mental disorders, one on one.  Yes my friends and family but my calling is discipling and being discipled.  I do best and enjoy the most one on one.  This is a gift I see now, not a limitation.

I will be writing to an audience of One, God.  I will be journaling and doing more reading on Gods love for me.  I have been a person who has struggled with thinking I have to perform for God and others to gain approval.  This is new to my awareness about me.

I am thankful to God that is taking me to new places with Him and others.  I am anticipating surprises and peace over this new phase in my life and ministry.

I do want to serve God and others and glorify Him.  I want to be proactive in being intentional in my life and others lives.  It will take energy, repentance and faith.  Which I am totally dependent on Him for it all.

This is a fruit of my suffering these last 20 years.

I have been learning these last 20 years how self sufficient I have been.  I also have been learning a new way of depending on God.  Of entering community.  Of asking for help from my friends.

Walking in faith can be scary and uncertain.  It can be new and exciting.  It can be fearful and hopeful.  I have been learning how to face my fears and not be controlled by them.

Each morning I wake, I spend on my porch at the Farm.  I greet my God and ask for a fresh filling of His Spirit.  I ask Him to take control of my thoughts.  I surrender my heart, mind and my will to Him for the day that is to come.  I expect Him to show up in new ways and in new people daily and He does.

So Bye for Now

So it is with great sadness and tears and great joy I say bye for now.   I will miss you and my co writer Martha on Whispers and the DD Blog.  I will pray for you.  The gospel is out there.  There are many much better writers than I.  Seek them out.

Seek and you shall find.

The word I leave you with is to seek the Lord with your whole mind, heart and strength.  Seek, knock 

ask and He will be found.  He is the most rewarding, the most wonderful, glorious, most mysterious 

of all. 

Pray for peace, life, joy, thankfulness and sufficiency in Him alone.   Pray to see the magic in life all 

around you.

He is a jealous God we serve.  He will ask you over and over to surrender and give to Him the 

very thing that is dearest to your heart.  He wants all of you.  Only then can you understand His love 

for you and you give it to others.

Remember His ways are not our ways.  Never stop asking, believing and trusting His will, will be 

done in you.

Be well my friend and tell everyone you know about Jesus and Gods faithfulness in sending His Son 

and His Spirit.  He is an amazing God.  Adore and praise Him all of your days and I will also!  But no

matter what my friend, know HE is GOOD!  He is about good things for and with you always.