Friday, October 24, 2014

From Fear to Freedom

My son and my grandson have driven to North Dakota to go hunting.  It was about 25 hours.  We all were concerned for them but my husband and tried to talk them out of it.  My grandson said he heard you will not know if it is worth it unless you do it.  Hmmm.

How much in life have I not done because of fear of rejection or failure.  Someone said I may fall down but I may fly.

I was talking to a friend the other day.  Have you ever thought I know too much and know nothing at all.  I shared with my friend some things and knew I was risking rejection.  It was showing my self righteousness and judgmental attitude.  Usually I say only what I know is acceptable.  Forcing an appearance of happiness can be a sign of depression.  After I finished sharing with my friend I said, thank you for letting me be me.  We all want to be fully known and fully loved.  Tullian said true love is given not earned.  That is grace.  Do we full know the love of God for us and give this to others?

Some signs I know Gods love for me is I am not afraid to be honest and open about myself, my thoughts, and my heart.  This is where I am changed by being open.  To keep things inside is to cover myself and mask my real heart.  Satan loves this and the fear that keeps us in denial and untruth about our hearts.  This is where we learn to love.  With each other accepting each other as God accepts and loves and is pleased with us.

Another sign you know you are loved is you are a risk taker.  Just a few years ago I would sit for hours on my computer or just staring into space.  I was unattached to life and the people in it.  Slowly but surely as the gospel came into touch with my life and my hurts and unbelief, I began to live and love and enjoy life.  I use to be afraid to leave my house.  I could not stay gone but for an hour at a time and would regularly back out on commitments.  God has been stretch me more and more to focus on others and not myself.  C S Lewis said humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.  I have slowly began to not be so conscious and self examine myself and second guess myself but live free and carefree as a child.  My eyes are more on serving others and loving them and not so much what if I am rejected.  What if they find out who the real me is and they don't like me.  I have confessed this to some good friends and I can tell it is slowly changing from my selfishness, self absorbed to bringing God glory through living this life He has given me and loving others and enjoying and serving them.  This has been a slow process but it has been breaking the pattern of a life time of people pleasing instead of knowing He is pleased with me.  I have a long way to go but the chains I had are becoming more loose as I embrace my fallenness and frailty and accepting and loving others in theirs.  Yes it has been a life time but for the joy and peace of it all it has been worth it all.  The Father knows us more than we know ourselves and says you are mine and I delight in you my child.  I laugh more and smile more and worry less and trust Him more with the things that I cannot do anything about.  I even have learned how to dance in the rain as I did once when I was very sick.  But now I am well and look for the joy of the Lord in my everyday life and giving Him the glory for setting me free.  I realize I am going to mess up but it is through walking by the Spirit in love that the fears of failure subside and the dance begins.