When I use to think of God's calling on my life, I use to think of some wonderful ministry. When the kids were young I felt I was called to be their godly mother. I never thought of God calling me to do something I didn't want to do. Oh I had been through suffering before. That isn't really what I am talking about.
Since what I wanted was a good thing God wanted it too. Do you know what I mean? Like me being mentally well, maybe a blessing from your parent, obedient children, a christian marriage, maybe even a job making enough to provide for your family. These are good things. But good things can be idols in our life. The can take over our every thought, our joy, our peace. They can be the driving force in our lives. We may even think, without saying it, God owes me this. I deserve this. Or I am just trying to do what I know God wants in my life. Or without this in my life I am a failure as a christian. I have failed God.
When we don't get these things it exposes our hearts. Who or what is first in my life. Is it God or is it what I think I have got to have to make me valuable? Have I convinced myself that only then, when I get what I am working and praying for, will He be glorified. Am I so looking for a miracle I miss the miracle Worker. So looking to the creation I miss the Creator.
As you let these things rest in Gods control and in His plan for you. It will undoubtedly be the hardest thing you will ever do. It maybe the most frightening thing to think of going through life without. It will feel like you are going to die. But He is with you and you are His. It will not consume you.
He is using not getting what I want to rescue my heart. He is more interested in being first in my life because He knows that is my ultimate good. The question is can I quit beating my head against the wall in a slow death? And go live a life in faith and worship unto God and God alone. Yes I can because God is faithful to me even when I am not. The whole 43 chapter of Isaiah speaks of God's faithfulness and love to His people.
Is. 43:1 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you
I have summoned you by name and you are mine.