Saturday, June 20, 2015

My parents were not perfect

We were young.  Too young to know what it meant to be a parent and have a baby.  I thought to meet my children's physical needs meant I was a good parent.  It is all I wanted in life was to be a good mom and wife.  Danny wanted four children and it sounded good to me.  I had no idea what that in tailed.  Meeting my kids emotional needs never occurred to either of us.  I kept the home and he did the work.  That was the way we were raised and it seemed to work.  Or did it.  Did I know my own emotional needs or was I training a family all about the law.  You do the right thing and you are a good person.  Be sweet and look pretty and handsome, act right and things will be ok.  It took all I had to just keep the tribe together and where they needed to be.  Talk about life and God and dreams and heart issues was foreign to me.  Just do what you are suppose to do and life will go well for you and me.  Yes I love you...but what does that mean?

I remember the day I discovered my parents were not perfect, they did not know everything and they did not do everything I thought they should.  This was a rude awaking.  I always loved my parents dearly and they loved me.  But there came a time I became my own person.  Their raising affect me and my beliefs and many were good.  But I had come to the place of having my own beliefs and thoughts as a young mother.

The truth of the matter is, so did my children also come to this realization.  I think they thought I was perfect, saw my dysfunction and flaws, and then came to appreciate me for who I am and my love for them no matter how flawed it was.  They became thankful for me and my husband as parents even though we failed in many ways.

It is funny how when your parents are gone, you don't think on the wrong things they did usually, but your love and appreciation for them grows.  Oh you may have to work through certain things they did and how the influenced you but as a whole they are a blessing from God, no matter how they messed up.  They did not mess you up though.  Keep yourself from blaming your father and mother for your life.  See your own life now as you must take responsibility for it.  Life can be hard.  I know it to be true.  I am sorry for those who had parents that disappointed them but we all are sinners.  We grow into knowledge not out of it.  I know better now how to be a parent than I did when I had children.  That is why it is important to have an older couple guide you.  I have always thought God did it backwards.  We should have had kids when we got old.  But no energy right!

There is only one perfect parent.  If we do it right, we are a representation of the Father to our kids.  If we don't, He steps in and is the perfect parent we were not.  I came to the realization that all parenting is seen as grace when you come to the end.  None of us do, a great job.  The truth is great parents have messed up kids and messed up parents have good kids.  There is no rhyme or reason but it is all of God.

The best thing we can do as parents, no matter how old our kids are is to tell them we messed up and God is their only perfect parent.  For them to see His faithfulness in their lives to bring them to Him.  That it does not depend on the parent but on God.  It is for God to parent our kids.  I heard it said once that our kids are His but only on loan to us.

Have you told your kids you love them lately no matter what they do as far as being a success in finances, beauty, sports, jobs,  or whatever they have poured their life in?  It is all fleeting.  Only the life we have in Christ of glorifying Him and loving others is important.  Just out right enjoying God in the small things of this life.  He is our joy and peace.  He is parenting us all and it was His desire for a family that drove Him to send His Son to rescue us from ourselves and from evil.  We do not have to be self centered and self focused.  We can love God and love others more than ourselves and know it is only the Spirit working in our hearts that do this.

So reach out and hug some dad tomorrow.  Yours if you can or someone else's, or someone that has fathered the fatherless.  It takes a village to raise a child.  We all need each other no matter what our parent circumstances are.  We are a family.  The body of Christ.

I have to believe there is a special blessing on those with no present father, widows, those with an angry father and those awesome moms who chose to be both.  God will not leave our children alone but parent them and love them in ways none of us can.