Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My battle with fear...

It had happened.  An outcome that was really good that I had not anticipated.  I was overcome with joy and then flooded with fear.  Then for the next few days everything that came into my life I was confronting with fear.  It had over come me and I could not fight my way out.  I had let the thoughts of my mind run like a rabbit in a wild open trail like someone was hunting them down with a gun and it all came crashing down around me.

What was I to do?  How was I to climb out of this rabbit hole I had found and jumped, willingly, into.  I would ask for prayer.  Think about my mental health.  Divert my attention and my thoughts to something good and pure and lovely.  I would take every thought captive to the obedience and love of Christ and the Father.  I would contact a friend or two and ask how they deal with fear.  I would get busy doing something good, work, fun, exercise.

Later I was able to write this post to those who had prayed for me...

I want to thank you for your prayers.  Instead of taking an additional med I poured a cup of coffee and ate an oreo cookie and waited in anticipation of what God was going to do.  My mind did begin to clear and I got strength to do laundry, several loads, super, write a letter,  make phone calls, and see the counsel of friends on how do they deal with their fear.  It seems when I am caught in fear I always prepared myself for the worse.  Well if the worst happens God can and will still use it for good.  My former pastors wife said sometimes when we have had a lot of trauma in our lives we expect the worse.  I thought I am cynical.  Why not pray for the blessing in our life from God.  Why not pray for Him to prosper us.  That God has a plan for good.  Why not expect good gifts from my Heavenly Father?  I think we can get so afraid of disappointment we prepare ourselves for the worse.  We are afraid to hope for something good.  Why not anticipate good things from our God and know when hard things come, and they will, that His grace will be sufficient enough for us to carry us through.  That He will walk with us and give us faith to endure.  

The antidote for fear is trust but what does that look like, I ask myself...then I wrote.  It is not up to us to prepare for the worse but to trust God.  We even say don't set yourself up for disappointment.  We are afraid to hope for blessing.   God sees what we do not see.  He works in ways we do not understand.  God is about the bringing of Good things in the life of His children.  I am not talking about a prosperity gospel but one of truth that God is a loving Father and is about good gifts to His children.  Even, yes the hard but what I am saying instead of always planning for the worse why not anticipate the best from a God who loves us.  Expecting good things from His loving Hands.  Already His blessings are all around us if we would but open our eyes and hearts to see them.  It brings a heart of gratitude instead one of fear and terror.  What do you think?

Ted Tripp said. If God is in control of every aspect of your world and his grace covers all of your sin, why would you ever give way to fear?  We have a good God who is about doing His children good.    Trusting God may not be preparing at all for the worse or the best as we define it but to always anticipate good, jumping into our loving Fathers arms not knowing what will happened but that it will be for good for He who uses it all for good for us. To me that is faith.

This is a fallen world and hard things happen but God is always about something good. It is ok Father what comes that may but I trust you to be in control and that you are for me.   I do believe to remember who God is and His love for me is huge is fighting fear.  Not to plan but to rest.  To trust in His goodness, I said to myself.  This is the gospel.  That God so loved us He sent His Son to die for us to give us a hope and a future.  To rescue us from fear and sin and ourselves.

So today is another day and I am feeling well.  I think the fear thew me into some type of trauma and it has been hard to recover my peace and faith.  My mind could not handle the extra stress so a combination of God working all things together helped.

Thank you for your prayers and I would love to pray for you.  I do pray for you.  May Gods richest blessings be with you today.