Saturday, November 30, 2013

The Interview ~ Continued

Usually when I write it is like God gives me pearls on a string and I see it from start to finish.  Now I am writing and I can't see the end … well maybe.

We had some friends over.  Danny was steaming oysters.  It was cold.  The three ladies snuggled in blankets even in the house.  Two of Danny's friends, my son and his friend, and my grandson added six more.

After one of the ladies left, it was just a distant friend and I sitting inside.  Breaking the ice, I said, “You may not know that I relapsed?”  She was great—so understanding.  She said, “I have heard being a coach's wife is hard.”  I had never admitted that to myself.  “Clemson was so good to us and I knew the blessings of not having to move my family around a lot like most others,” I told her.

I began to remember our move to Arkansas.  I thought about when we moved out of the University House and stored all our things in the barn at the farm.  We then moved to our fairly small lake house.  We bought a sectional teal-colored sofa that filled the one great room with a beautiful rock fireplace.  We still had some of our first furniture pieces also which were very special to me. 

But when Danny got the coaching job in Arkansas, he bought a house and most of the previous owner's furniture before I got there.  He sold our lake home and all the furniture.  So I walked out of our home with all my treasured memories into a house I had never seen.  It may seem silly thinking like that, because we did have a job—I know, I know.  Still I left family in Alabama, moved twelve hours away from everything I knew—my dear church and friends—to what was to be a harder situation that would only get even harder.  I did love my new church and friends there.  I met some great people.  I think I have let that keep me from feeling the loss I had all those years ago until now.

I talked to Danny and my youngest daughter who is getting her Christian Counselor degree about all this.  They both said to move on.  This was a hard time for us, but there were also good times.  I am now deciding that I am one who can learn from my past, but that I cannot dwell there.  God was with us and kept us, and I press on, releasing what lies behind me forevermore.  It is not wrong to visit the past but we cannot live there.

When I return to writing online, I will write a conclusion to the “The Interview,” but I am letting the past go.  Working through those old memories was what caused me to spiral after having such a great year or remission.  I am refusing to live in the past any more.  I'm mailing this to Martha to type and post because I don't want to re-read.  It will be several days past when you read it—so no worries, I am doing good.

I don't have to grieve all the events I have stuffed away all these years.  I can acknowledge that it was hard when it comes to mind, but now in faith, move on.  I'm so thankful for this season especially.

I am still learning to stay well and trust.  My daughter, Elizabeth is going to make a great counselor.  Danny is pretty wise too.  Thanks to all of you for your prayers and love.  It has carried me through. 

I will trust in You, Lord, and not be shaken.  “When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”  Psalms 94:19