A simple, contemplative life

I am where I am for the furtherance of the Gospel

and the purpose of Gods kingdom

Hard times are but a feather in the palm of His hand.

It is used to turn my cheek toward my Savior and Redeemer

It has been my opinion that during this difficult time, my life was wasted.  Sleeping a lot, painful body, confusion in reading and studying, not driving, bouts of depression and then abundant laughter. Gaining and loosing weight and all that goes with it have made up this last year.  Grasping for encouragement and hope that there was meaning in my dark days seemed empty apart from my contemplation and meditation on who He is and who I am.

The truth is this has been a wonderful time for me as far as my growth and knowledge of Christ.  It has been a new phase of what my life is to look like.  I have learned to keep care of my soul and heart.  To take care and find the place of the redeemers heart close to mine.

I have focused on Jesus but it has not been without a struggle because of the distractions of the noise of my struggling physical demanding my mind.   His care for me never failed.

 The breath prayer have mercy on me a sinner, Oh God, goes with me.  Praying for grace to make it and praise for the power of the Spirit with me always was without ceasing many times during the day.

"The hope of my heart"

But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.

My day begins with journaling my heart out to my Lord.  Reading Spurgeon.  Having a contemplative, meditation time spent focusing on the Lord and His goodness.  Waiting for Him to show me anything that is hindering my peace with Him and the world, others. The Spirit brings to mind a section of the bible or a verse.  I study it, pray over it and just exist and experience it as it becomes a part of me.

 Jesus is calling me to a simple, quiet life where my heart is at rest.  I have had my heart before Jesus and the Spirit and soaked in the love of the Father.  Love and peace and tranquility surrounds my time with God.  He has kept my heart in His hands and near His heart with a gentle passion of jealous, care and given me the assurance of a deeper transforming work in me.

Being more honest and transparent.  Releasing my preoccupations, cares and sins to my good Shepherd frees me to be filled with all He has for me.  I am careful to share my thoughts with a close knit group.  God gives us community and spiritual family, the body of Christ,  to help us stay within His will.  They need wisdom, compassion, faith and someone you can trust with your heart.

The works of the Lord, in a heart continually yielded to Him, is a heart of contentment and a growing even more aware of the stirrings within me.  There is no loneliness that He cannot fill.  No longing that He does not render complete.  No need He cannot meet.  No will He cannot yield to His.  He is the master of the quiet and simple life of a desired life to HIs ways.  He will comfort, shield and rescue the wondering heart to His.

You must have ownership of your heart in order to surrender it to Him.  The ways of the world is continually trying to occupy our mind, heart and will.  The first fruit love,  He brings forth is to be given to Him.  Our purpose turns from trying to gain the approval and impress man by filling our need for importance as a good christian by looking unconsciously for the praise of man.  It must die as a grain of wheat falls to the ground.  God is faithful to continue to prune all that steals our heart away from the first fruit being brought forth and given to Him.

 He is but a breath away and a constant affection of His.  Never to be disappointed in you or you Him. He sings and delights Himself in me and my presence with Him.  Just enjoying Him and who He is.  Recognizing His favor in me.   All hope and love is never short when leaning on the heart, will and care of your Lord.

Peace comes as you humble yourself and yield your heart to the story of the God of all.  As like John you lay your head upon His breast.  A kindness is desired and longed for. A craving for the righteousness of Jesus to be lived out fills me.   The well being of others is above my own.  You seek wholeness and healing.  You are aware of your hearts tendencies and praying with a breath for your heart and others.  Seeing that goodness is about God always no matter how life falls.  His jealousy to be known and enjoyed and praised won't let us go.  Having His favor is most important. His beauty consumes you, sustains you and satisfies you as you look to the cross.  Knowing He also looks to the cross. Once it has overtaken you and His beauty is before you then He is the greatest and most wonderful part of your life.  He is your life.  It is a simple life.  Smiling on tomorrow.  For you know He holds the future.  You do not question His power as He turns your heart and cares with the touch of His will.

You no longer trust your judgement but long for His heart and will by HIs Spirit to reign in your life.  You see goodness in the most difficult of days and things.  Your purpose is for His kingdom and this is all worked out by Him and in His time.  You have a confidence that He is master and nothing or no one can stop His plan to come to be and pass.  It brings an excitement and it takes your breath away as you see it unfold before you as you are laid out before Him in desiring to be used by Him.  You see His way is the desire that He brings to you.  Trusting unfolds.  Fulfillment is obtained.  A new creation is being created as the song of redemption is being sung in your  innermost being.

Life is lived in the fullest when it is spent in the presence of my Lord.

Love and humility and Gods will is His gift that only He can bring.

He designs the miracle of changing my heart to a fountain, an ocean of grace,  Him living through me.

This time has quieten my heart and soul and lay me down at the feet of my Lord in amazement in the shadow of His glory and love for me.  It has settled me beneath the Almighty in His whisper, whatever it maybe.

A new creation, redemption, and loving others.  A humble confidence and boldness that is assured of God, who He is and what His Spirit and word stands for and means.  People and their approval do not determine their future or who they are.  Gentleness amidst bravery.  Not afraid to stand for the truth with compassion nor against the majority if necessary.  It may mean standing alone or getting lost in a crowd.  Whose heart is full of praise and enjoyment in Him, newly found way of the Masters' piece.  He fully enjoys bringing it about.  To do the impossible is His joy!

Life during this time was a struggle to persevere and keep hope.  As my body hurt I couldn't help but wonder if there was an option to be had.  I poured my heart out to God over and over begging Him to rescue me.  To renew my heart and don't please leave me to myself and He always did keep His promise.

I was finding myself looking and thinking about me more and more.  I grieved over my selfishness that the suffering seemed to bring.  I felt worthless many times and could not see any end to the path that I was on.  I seemed to be looking into a broken mirror many times and seeing fractured me.  I knew I was not to feel these things and all it did was pile on the guilt and frustration that kept my eyes to my failure.

It is not that my struggles are not still present...  I see life and people still as broken pieces needing the healer.  But through the Master's eyes, love, faithfulness and goodness and the rest of life... through a beautiful stained glass, created by the designer Himself.  Put together with the torn hands and poured out blood for me that says it is His perseverance.  He is the hope.  It is His love and His surrender.  His faithfulness and goodness.  His plan and His Spirit and power will see me through.  So I have the confidence that He has a plan to prosper me and glorify Himself through me.   I cannot be lost anywhere along the way.  His rescue is upon my lips of praise.  What a Savior!