Saturday, January 3, 2015

Go with me there.

When I was a young girl we had many animals.  One I remember being most amused by was my hamster.  It amazed me how it never tired of going around and around on the red and yellow wheel and shredding tissue paper and burring itself, coming out and doing the same things again over and over again.

Today has been a slow day.  Now much I felt pressing to do.  Started reading about solitude and silence and was just quiet for awhile.  Read about the endless Love of God for us and was amazed that He had saved me and that there was a burning fire of His heart that I could enter in and be so satisfied by His love.

Then my mind bounced around a little.  I read a few blogs.  Thinking about creativity, comparing myself to others, discontent and praying that I be more creative and glorify God and use it to enjoy Him more and more.  Sounds good huh?  I started thinking about new things I could start in the coming year.  Wish for this and wish for that.  Thought about what I could buy, read, write.  What my week would hold and who I might call.  I thought more about God and how His Spirit lived within me and this love He has for me.  I thought about new ideas for an ebook, that I would join the gym on Monday, about church tomorrow and then what...things that needed cleaning out and I might get a new rug to replace the torn one in the den that was way overdue.  I would come back to God, think, meditate on His goodness, pray for my family, think of things I might gift them that was ours during the coaching years and my moms things she left to us.

Then I read a blog that Tullian had written on New Years resolutions.  He talked about how change is not a bad thing but that our hearts reason for wanting change can be.

I was climbing a ladder, spinning the wheel and burring myself in the stuff that I thought...what will bring joy, excitement, be fun.  Was I searching for true love and acceptance and some life I didn't think I had,  that only God can give me and fulfill me?  Did my silence show a void in my heart that I was trying to fill with the world, a need that only Jesus can meet.  Why do I search for life apart from God?  Things today seem so quick and fast.  I want now...give me what I need to fulfill me and make my life count.  I want to do something for God.  Something big that matters.  Then I will be fully satisfied.  Or if I volunteer to the needy and the brokenhearted they might can love me like I so crave.

Tullian said there is a difference in doing something out of needing love and doing something out of being loved.  Lord, it has been a good day.  Thank you for the message those so faithfully spread the gospel, Jesus.  Thank you for guiding my heart today to the depths of yours where I can taste and see that the Lord is good.  Thank you that you called me unto yourself today and filled my cup with deep waters of love and faithfulness.  It is a good day.  It is going to be a great year because I am His.  Even the hard stuff you make an unbelievable promise for my good and you are going to bring me to a point of my life giving you the most glory it can.  I can't wait to see but now I rest in the fact that you said, "it is finished and you see me in the righteousness of Jesus and I have nothing to prove to anyone, not even you Lord."  There is more grace to me tonight than my heart can contain and I am blessed.  Won't you go with me there?  Into the very heart of God?  It is Jesus that brings life and life abundant.