During this time of my last setback...I have not been driving. Many things are taken away and some-
times I feel trapped.
I can't just drive to the local store. Other simple things like go to church.
This time has taught me many things. I have learned to ask my friends to help me in ways I never
thought I would struggle with. It was important I am around people and get out of the house. There
were times I struggled with just having enough strength to do the things I wanted to do. Friends and
family were there time and time again. It was a humbling time for me to ask for help. Help to go to
appointments.
This is not the life I wanted. I was a very capable, structured, independent, strong woman. I came
from a long line of strong women. The generation before me lived through the depression. It was up
to these women to keep the family going and together. They worked in cotton fields. They fought
the state to keep their children when times were so hard. My grandmother was such a saint. This is a
wonderful gift but I did not understand the community and family dynamics that I had come from. I
expected to be able to handle anything and everything, no matter how difficult the situation on my
own. Distance was such a hinderance. I went home driving 9 hours with friends and a car load of
children. I miss many reunions of my family and my high school class. Moving away from family
and their support for years led me into a life of trying to be super woman. Four children, a wonderful
staff, players, media, and fans and everything I thought that went along with my responsibilities as a
wife, mother and a christian. Perfection was a big problem for me. Knowing I am going to fail has
been so liberating. I eventually realized I could not keep all the plates spinning.
Jesus had a life for me of relationships. Of two way relationships, give and receive. I love being
close to my sister and my cousins and my friends and my immediate family. My mom always wanted
this for me. Times changed, responsibilities lessened, my children grew up, my husband's profession
changed and I have been able to find a closeness that she desired for me again, since youth, with my
cousins, friends and the women I so love. My daughters are my very best of friends! I am so blessed
with each one of them. So different. So unique and lovely...
It has not been easy to learn to be dependent on friends, family and God. I was way to proud to ask.
But learning to receive is what Peter had to learn. He did not want Jesus to wash His feet. Jesus
came to serve not to be served.
It is important to serve others as Jesus did. But it is just as important to learn to humbly let others
serve you. I am not talking about taking advantage of others but for them to serve you. I think of
Joni Ereckson and those that serve her daily in a wheel chair. How humbling that must have been
for her at one time.
I have noticed there are things I can do when I don't have the strength, because of medication. One
is I learned to pray for others. I learned to pray for my family and friends. I learned to be an
encourager.
There are some things I learned about my heart and my need for Jesus. There are times in our lives
when we are made weak. It is at those times when Jesus becomes most important. Or it has been
for me. I ask for His strength daily to get through my day.
I have noticed in times of not being able to just jump in the car...I would crave a certain food. I
would think I needed to buy something...
a pillow for my porch
some lettuce for salad
I need to take a walk
Get some work done
Help somebody
Give God glory
make things happen
I just needed to accomplish and finish a task. I realized...I was looking for significance. For safety.
What I really need at these times is not to go out and spend money. But to run to Jesus. It is an ache
that only He can fill. During these times, I simply say...
I NEED YOU JESUS...
I need your peace...
Your Joy...
Your love and contentment..
Asking for what we need and Jesus meeting these needs is such a joy for Him. There is nothing in
this world that can make our lives complete like an honest, dependent, confessing, loving relationship
with Jesus and others.
When Jesus is filling our hearts there is a lavishing loving that overflows with in us to others. It is
not from a need for significance or completeness that we love others and serve them but it is from an
abundance of joy.
We woman need to understand it is not our strength but Jesus.
