The Interview ~ Continued

Usually when I write it is like God gives me pearls on a string and I see it from start to finish.  Now I am writing and I can't see the end … well maybe.

We had some friends over.  Danny was steaming oysters.  It was cold.  The three ladies snuggled in blankets even in the house.  Two of Danny's friends, my son and his friend, and my grandson added six more.

After one of the ladies left, it was just a distant friend and I sitting inside.  Breaking the ice, I said, “You may not know that I relapsed?”  She was great—so understanding.  She said, “I have heard being a coach's wife is hard.”  I had never admitted that to myself.  “Clemson was so good to us and I knew the blessings of not having to move my family around a lot like most others,” I told her.

I began to remember our move to Arkansas.  I thought about when we moved out of the University House and stored all our things in the barn at the farm.  We then moved to our fairly small lake house.  We bought a sectional teal-colored sofa that filled the one great room with a beautiful rock fireplace.  We still had some of our first furniture pieces also which were very special to me. 

But when Danny got the coaching job in Arkansas, he bought a house and most of the previous owner's furniture before I got there.  He sold our lake home and all the furniture.  So I walked out of our home with all my treasured memories into a house I had never seen.  It may seem silly thinking like that, because we did have a job—I know, I know.  Still I left family in Alabama, moved twelve hours away from everything I knew—my dear church and friends—to what was to be a harder situation that would only get even harder.  I did love my new church and friends there.  I met some great people.  I think I have let that keep me from feeling the loss I had all those years ago until now.

I talked to Danny and my youngest daughter who is getting her Christian Counselor degree about all this.  They both said to move on.  This was a hard time for us, but there were also good times.  I am now deciding that I am one who can learn from my past, but that I cannot dwell there.  God was with us and kept us, and I press on, releasing what lies behind me forevermore.  It is not wrong to visit the past but we cannot live there.

When I return to writing online, I will write a conclusion to the “The Interview,” but I am letting the past go.  Working through those old memories was what caused me to spiral after having such a great year or remission.  I am refusing to live in the past any more.  I'm mailing this to Martha to type and post because I don't want to re-read.  It will be several days past when you read it—so no worries, I am doing good.

I don't have to grieve all the events I have stuffed away all these years.  I can acknowledge that it was hard when it comes to mind, but now in faith, move on.  I'm so thankful for this season especially.

I am still learning to stay well and trust.  My daughter, Elizabeth is going to make a great counselor.  Danny is pretty wise too.  Thanks to all of you for your prayers and love.  It has carried me through. 

I will trust in You, Lord, and not be shaken.  “When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”  Psalms 94:19

Like That River's Swollen Waters ...

Today on Facebook, I've seen a friend's prayer request for homeless living by a swollen river. The blood-bruised back of a Christian captured by Islamists in Iran. The face of a nephew I have never met who looks so much like my birth brother I met only twice. Another friend than...king God that school is closed so she can attend to Thanksgiving preparations.

Emotions tangle, and I think, "Lord God, where is Your heart?" Then I think to myself that it is where it always is--with each of His children, in each unique situation. He does not slumber nor sleep. Neither is He like the shifting shadow. He is the same--true-to-our-hearts--right where we are God of all comforts. He feels both our joys and our sadnesses.

It is not so much that one of us is in a loving family gathering while another is in suffering. God is not partial. He is not unjust. His heart is always looking at the heart. He looks for our faith turned towards His face, trusting Him. Daring to believe that He is more satisfying than earth's abundance. More real and healing than earth's sufferings. He outrageously amens even our mustard seed faith. He is unmistakably, infallibly present and proactive in the lives of all those He loves who love Him. If we could but see through His eyes, thanksgivings would flow like that river's swollen waters 

~ martha langley

Living with My Eyes Open

"No, Christian brothers, I do not have that life yet. But I do one thing. I forget everything that is behind me and look forward to that which is ahead of me. My eyes are on the crown. I want to win the race and get the crown of God’s call from heaven through Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3:13-14

One of God's gifts to us is the present.  I am learning to live each day as if it were my last.  We cannot change the past nor do we have any guarantees about our future.  We can learn from the past and plan for the future.  My friend, David, said, "We have no power in the past or future, only the present."

My friend, Rose Marie Miller, said something like, "Satan will try to get you to live in the failures and regrets of the past and the fear of tomorrow.  Jesus wants us to live in the present."

The present is not only God's gift to us, but my gift to others.  I pray, "Lord, reveal Yourself to me today.  May I live today like You want to be with me in making a difference.  What I do today does matter.  Give me Your love and may it overflow to others mightily and powerfully.  I promise to not sleep my day away, or stare into space as I have before mulling over the past.  I will press on."

My friend, Kathy, says to live in the moment.  Right now--this moment is all I have.  I choose to live it fully and masterfully whether I rest, work, or play.  Jesus, You are with me in the moment.  (Now if I can finally get this!) 

Secure in God's Good Hands ...

"The gracious hand of his God was on him...."  (Ezra 7:9)

Have you ever heard someone say, "God's hand is off my life"?  The sense that for some reason, God is distant.  His blessings or answers to prayer seem birthed stillborn. 
 
We tend to feel more secure when the ecstatic God-moments come. They often leave us with a vivid sense that God's hand is at work.  Like my young grandson who asked God for a sign that Jesus was really in his little-boy heart.  He said when he looked to the sky he saw a cloud in the shape of his first initial, "N." Then like Gideon, he asked for confirmation of his confirmation. Looking up again, he saw a cloud in the shape of a check mark.

Our pastor told us about a young woman who was finding it impossible to forgive the person who had molested her.  But as she lashed out her accusing question to God, "Where were You?" she was given a mental image of Jesus standing beside her with His hand on her.  His tears were streaming and there were sweat droplets like blood.  Then to her surprise, she realized Jesus' other hand was on the person she couldn't forgive.

In my early battle with RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) before medicines were found to help and the pain was severe, I had set aside a time one evening to pray for others.  But without thinking, my wrists throbbing from inflammation made me ask instead for God to stop the pain.  Suddenly in my mind, I saw Jesus' hands outstretched, nailed to the cross. Feeling humbled that His pain was so much greater, I then prayed, "Father, forgive me for asking You to do something for me that You couldn't do for Your own Son."  My pain ceased immediately.

When God answers quickly to give insight or understanding, or He immediately heals emotionally or physically, we have no doubt of His nearness or earnestness to work in our lives. But in the times when loss looms like an unwelcome heart guest refusing to leave. When pain or sickness find no ease. When answers to our questions are left to Eternity's unfolding, we may feel God's hand has left us.  But it has not.  He is actually holding us more tightly. 
 
It's in those "Where is God?" times, His compassion anchors and His heart throbs with empathy for us.  In perfect love that is not willing to leave us stunted or leave us behind, His Spirit is doing a sanctifying work.  Severing Self and sin.  Implanting a sweeter, deeper, more gripping trust.  Strengthening us past what our eyes see, or our minds reason.  Faith-ing us past whatever would betray the truth that we have a Good Father.  It is in those times that a radical contentment arises to acknowledge that all that we are and have are most secure when held in God's Good Hands. ~ martha langley

No Need to Shrink Back ...

"Live a holy life. No one will see the Lord without having holiness."  Hebrews 12:14

Honestly, the words "holy," or "holiness" in regard to who I am to be in my spiritual life have never felt warm and fuzzy to me.  It's more like the fearsome feeling that Isaiah described when he saw the Lord high and lifted up, unclean and unworthy.

So when I saw the verse above in my reading the other day, I wanted to take time to really think it through.  I concluded: Holy or holiness means the absence of evil.  That's what heaven is all about.

I think because I know my faults and my flaws and that I often say "Yes" to Self, and "No" to God's Spirit, that this makes me shrink back from thinking of myself as holy. 

Those are my feelings.  What is true?  The truth is that because of Jesus' agony on the cross to pay my sin debt, I was freed from sin and death, made new--alive to God.  This means that Jesus' life in me has made me:  "Holy to the Lord."

Just remember that Jesus=holy.  And if you are a believer, Jesus is living in you.  This does not make me want to shrink back.  It makes me worship and adore.

"...God gave you His Holy Spirit. Now you belong to God. You do not belong to yourselves. God bought you with a great price."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20  ~  ml

Gift Giver

One of Deborah's writings from the past:


The Gift Giver

Many people are born with natural talent while others try to develop talents.  When my children were little I looked for what they enjoyed and were good at doing so I could point them in that direction.  It has been interesting to see God reveal the true loves and gifts He has given them.  He was preparing them for the way they should go.

I used to say, "I have no gifts."  I am not a great artist or painter or writer.  I don't sing or dance (although I sure tried).  Raising four children with my husband often away, I didn't take time to develop outside hobbies.  I thought when the children left home I would have a huge empty space of time.  That is not the case.  God uses our past and present circumstances along with the people in our lives.  Even our weaknesses and our struggles can become part of our gifts.

The more time I spend in unbroken communion in God's love, the more things I find myself enjoying.  God is the Creator.  He is creative.  When we ease into the things He begins to reveal in us, we start to enjoy the gifts we have been given.  We not only experience Him, but learn something about Him in the process.  It is Him expressing Himself through us.

One of my friends gives away her flowers and bakes for people.  Another one is a prayer warrior, never hesitating to give a smile and encourage.  Another friend shares photography on a blog. I have a friend who writes for a local paper and does prison ministry.  One friend, a single in her 50's, delights in three young sons she has adopted.  Really struggling in her health, another speaks of doing well because God has a plan for her.  I see my friends passing on their God-given talent, love, and wisdom.

Sometimes we may feel like we are in a barren land, perhaps stripped of all we have done in the past.  We feel useless.  Without purpose.  This is the furthest thing from the truth.  God is really wanting to do a mighty work.  Use this time to be alone with God.  His first concern is our relationship with Him.  When I have been in that situation (several times), afterward, I came away with a deeper, fuller relationship with God than I had known before.

Be patient.  Enjoy God.  Worship.  Rest.  Wait.  You'll be amazed.  These are gifts in themselves.  God is the Gift Giver.  He is the Gift!

God, You have given us such an abundant life.  May we seek You in the things and people we enjoy.  Lord, if we are not enjoying life in You right now, will You meet us there also?   Teach us all to enjoy You more.

Dream-Tested

From Whispers of God Facebook Post Today:

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow." (James 4:14)

When news comes unexpectedly
A dream long-planned, dissolved
Sadness' spiny fingers close
Around my heart--tears fall

Emotions rising over
Faith trying to make its stand
Questions scream--whys demand
"Where was heaven's hand?"

I speak the words I know are true
"God is good, He's in control"
But as they escape my lips
Loss still tears across my soul

I cry out, "Father! Why?
How could You hurt me so?
Do You not understand
How deeply this pain goes?"

But before His answer whispers
Calvary's cross comes into mind
And suddenly I realize
My cries have been unkind

For that one act of love was proof
Of my value in God's eyes
His "nos" are still His words of love
Meant to make me wise

Let me not give myself to things
Count them for me to use
But lay all things at Jesus' feet
Keep or cast away--You choose

Let me champion Your Sovereignty
Each time there comes a test
Then I will know I'm resting in
Whatever You've decided best
~martha langley