Everything is different with HIm

God makes the blind to see and the deaf to hear.
Luke 7:22

And He answered and said to them, “Go and report to John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and thedeaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have the gospel preached to them.

I went to the dentist today.  I needed a root canal and my bridge had come off.  Two days ago I went and I had lost my way.  By the time I called the dentist office the circumstances were... they couldn't take me.  It is an hour and a half there and an hour and a half back.  So I had to go back today.  I was sure I would not get lost this time.  Danny got me directions and I left an hour early.  I grabbed my bag of things, book, water, but forgot my phone and money so I went back in to get these things.

I got to the dentist office an hour early sure enough.  There was a Good Will so I went there for awhile and talked to a friend afterward.  I started in and looked I couldn't find my purse.  I had left my purse at home.  It was ok.   I had some money for lunch.  I went inside and began reading my book and waiting to be called.  As my name was called and I started back, I opened the door and said OMG my bridge is in my purse and my purse is at home.  I could have died.

As I sat in the chair and they were telling the dentist, he said you forgot the most important thing.  I explained I never mess up like I mess up here.  The assistant said I think you get nervous.  I said you are right.  I have spent my life in the dentist chair. I felt like a failure.  How could I make three trips for one tooth on a 3 hour trip.   They left the room while I got numb.  I sat there while my lip got bigger than my nose reading my book.  All of a sudden I was  laughing out loud all by myself.  This isn't like me.  I am too much of a Southern Lady.  We don't cackle!  I love this book.  The name of it is Love Does by Bob Goff.  I knew it had to be good because Donald Miller did the forward.

I was in the next chapter, chapter 4.  It was talking about how God gently leads us into defeat.  How God finds us in our failures and our successes.  He teaches us a whole new way of thinking.  I quote him saying "I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter".

My dentist came back in. I knew I was going to say something but I didn't know what to say.  Then it came to me,  I said I was just reading how Jesus died for screw ups.  He laughed.  I thought if that is the only reason I came 3 trips maybe that is enough.  My whole attitude had changed.  He said I just hate you have to come back.  I said it could be a lot worse.  On the way home I was thanking God and singing in my heart.  I was so grateful things had gone well with my tooth.  That I was able to come back.  That I could just be with Jesus all the way home and maybe make the next visit a fun trip with a friend or shopping or just enjoying being alone and the drive on such a beautiful day.

God changes everything.  The way we see things.  He is amazing.  He is a heart changer.

Do you ever have a day when everything seems to go wrong?

Do you ever have a blah day? I am having one now. It actually started last night with dinner. We had dinner guest. I tried a new recipe, even though I had a bad headache for a while yesterday. Then when the guest got here and my husband came in tired from cutting hay, I took out the meat from the oven. I just had a feeling and kept saying before I even checked the meat, this meal is going to be a bummer. Well the meat was raw. My husband got a shower. We sliced the pork loin and put it on the grill. It was fine but not what I had hoped.

I have two friends who are really struggling right now and I am so sad. I feel their pain.

Some things happened today with my thinking that kinda scared me. I thought this happened when I got sick once. Just confused. But I have been doing too much reading and thinking lately. I know what I need to do and have corrected my thinking.

I made a statement to my friends husband last night. "I don't feel like I can do anything right sometimes". He said me too. Now is that a poor me, defeated attitude and I passed the idea on to my friend. Then I felt worse about that.

Today I went to the dentist an hour and a half away. I got lost and called. Their electricity was going to be cut off in 30 min. I was going to have a root canal. No way I could get there and have time to fix it. Don't know if it was an accident or what the reasoning was for the power outage but I drove back home and have to go again Thurs.  Blahhh.

It has been a domino effect one thing going wrong after another. What do I do to get out of this funk. I remember my Savior calls me beloved. That He rejoyces over me. But I feel the pain and the disappointment of the day and go to Him for love, acceptance and understanding. He cares about everything we go through. That is where I am now. Just sitting with Him and being. It is going to be ok but I just got to be here awhile.  I got to unwind and reflect.  Think about the things that are true about Him and me.  Satan would love for me to feel defeated.  He is such a manipulator and a liar.  But God is always true and good.  Wonder what God is trying to teach me right now?  Wonder what I am suppose to learn and see?  I am going to sit here awhile and listen and just wait.

That Mountain Is You

moving out of my comfort zone into the "unknown rhythms of Grace". We are told to keep in step with the Spirit. It is a dance. A following of the leading of your Partner, the Spirit, a leaning into. It is all of grace that you have moved into this unknown territory of faith and love. Grace is not there until you need it. You may have been fearful to move into this place where you totally out of control. Where you yield the control to God. For HIm to live through you. You never know which way He will lead you. You just have to be willing to press into Him, depend on Him and trust HIm. And if you aren't ask Him to make you willing. He will do it. Have people to pray for you. Prayer moves mountains. That mountain is you!

Matthew 17:20

And He *said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move;and nothing will be impossible to you.

When what I fear the most happens...

When I fear the most happens.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Sometimes I say to myself, "what is the worst that can happen". Then when I accept that, I can accept whatever God sends my way. This is not exactly surrender. It is saying to myself, I have to expect the worst so I won't be disappointed. I must brace myself and be prepared for the worst. This is not trusting in God's loving provision for me.

What is the worst thing that can happen to us. It is for us to suffer. We suffer because we do not get what we want.  We do not want to suffer. We will avoid it at all cost. When we do have pain our body, mind and heart cry relief. Rescue me someone or something. We run to other people, to addictions to not feel the pain and escape, to activities like work, exercise, hobbies, so we will feel better about our selves. We even get angry. That is a way of expressing pain and trying to be in control again. It may come out in explosions of anger at others, frustration, disappointment, or discouragement, hopelessness, isolation or even sleep and depression.

Ask yourself, "what would it be like to enter into and embrace the pain?" Trust that God is in control and you can go to Him for comfort. You may not understand why something is happening this side of heaven but because of His word you can know it is for good and for His glory. He will not compromise His eternal purpose for temporary relief for you. As a matter of fact this reveals what you are trusting in, Him, others or circumstances or things. That is why it is so painful. It is like you are having to die for freedom.

Please remember all those who have served our country for our freedom. For those who have lost their lives and for those who are left behind. There is no greater love than to lay down your life one for another. Our service people are a true picture to us of the battle we are in for freedom.

 Christ fought the battle and won the war of eternity by dying and rising again for us to be with Him in relationship and freedom forever.  Don't compromise your freedom. Go ahead and die to the things that replace Christ as your life. The things that offer an illusion of peace, comfort and joy.  You can trust Him with the things, people and circumstances of life.  It may not happen like you have planned but ultimately it will be beauty from ashes for all eternity. 

 

The Potter and The Clay

We were off to the mountains, my friends and I.  Off to find the perfect wedding gift for our friends daughter who we were giving a shower for.  I was so excited.  A day in the mountains.  I love pottery.  Promised to even buy a piece or two for myself.

When we arrived, on this gorgeous Spring day, there was a shed before us.  It was a place for the defected pottery.  Those that were unacceptable.  That is right where I headed.  I was amazed.  Yes they were uneven.  Some of the glaze was not evenly distributed.  They were different heights and not evenly round or were too big or too small.  What I saw was they were unique.  Yes they were the cast outs.  The ones who didn't measure up to perfection of most.  But I loved them.  That was were I wanted to spend my money.  I wanted to invest in them.  I wanted them to be mine.

I loved their individual qualities.  The design and personality of the potter was there.  He was not trying to just make something out of a mold.  He was designing.  I was thrilled.  I brought these home to be mine.  To put on display.  To use and enjoy and delight in.  They were each one beautiful to me.  I loved the fact that they were different.  The defects they owned were what made them special to me.  I was so excited with my finds.  Could anyone else see their value?  They seemed uninterested.  My friends has so much already.  But I had very little.  These were a treasure to me.  Of great value.  They may have not been valuable or beautiful to anyone else but me but they were going to be mine and I was delighted to give them a home with me.

This is the love of the Father.  He is the potter.  We are the clay.  We are each uniquely designed and valued because we are a part of the Fathers hand of creativity.  We should find great joy in our uniqueness and individuality.  We are created in the image of God only He is perfect.  We are designed.  He always was and is.  We have a beginning but no end.  It is with great joy He calls us His own.

Isaiah 64:8

But now, O Lord, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

Can I Try Again?

  As I sit here with the rain pouring down, the sound of it hitting the dry earth, the lightening that  is flashing in the sky I think of how selfish and self centered I have been in my suffering.  It is like I want another chance.  A chance to more glorify God.  I know as weird as it sounds I see what a privilege it is to suffer for Christ.  To trust Him in the midst of it.  To bring Glory to the church and His purposes.  I know it sounds crazy but it is like I am saying lets give it another go God.  I can do this.  I can trust you.  I can make it happen.

Then I stop in my tracks.  It is not about me and my suffering.  It is about Him and HIs.  It is not about my faithfulness but His.  It is not about my sacrifice but HIs, not my love, my desire, my purposes but His.  I am but a vessel, a broken vessel that His glory shines through.  It is in my inability to serve well, to believe in the midst of hardship, to see him and believe in the midst of suffering and hardship that He shines.  

I am at peace.  My suffering was specifically designed for me for the most glory to be revealed through me to Him.  I did not ask for it or plan it but His sovereignty designed it and willed it for His greater purposes than I cannot fathom.  I do not know the future but I know who holds my future and it is in His hands.  My deepest desire is to glorify Him no matter what else that may.  He is all consuming.

Today, after such a great morning, was a struggle.  I know.  I couldn't get started.  I was overwhelmed.  I sat down planned a list, called a friend and I began, one step at a time.  It has been a glorious day of total dependence on God.  Even though I am so well and doing so good I do not want to get to the point to where I can do this life on my own.  I want to continually lean into Him.  He is my light in the darkness, my hope in the midst of my struggle, my strength when I am weak.  He is God., My God.

I'm Ready

I have a restlessness about me right now.  God wants more of my heart and I do His.  I am grieving.  I see my sin. Am I just well enough I see how passive my life is.  I feel a sense of urgency. Like I have wasted so much time.  I feel God calling me to a deeper surrender, to Him, to others, to work, to rest, to pray, to meditate.  Maybe calling me away, to solitude, meditation and fasting.  An urgency to do something.  To make something happen.  I am very sensitive right now.  I feel a holy war raging.  Me needing a broken heart.  One of deeper surrender.  A humble heart.  I see my depravity and it lurks before me waiting to consume me.  It seems to be a battle within. Which is greater within me, this flesh that demands attention or the Spirit, the all consuming love of God.  I am grieving over, I don't know what, this world, sin, evil, death, the loss and pain of so many.  The cross, how it must have been for Mary to look up and see the blood running down His face from the crown of thorns on His head.  The surrender of His body to the pain and suffering of the world.  He emerged HImself into every heart that breaks, every suffering, every sin, every sickness, every desperate soul, every doubt and fear and horror known to man and spirit.  I can imagine the pain of the rejection and separation of He and the Father.  The worst of all things He suffered.  The beatings, humiliation and shame and mocking were only in the shadows.   My heart breaks.

I have a deep desire for righteousness and there is none within me. But His is mine.  I have a holy fear, an awe of Him, I am shocked, surprised and amazed.  I long for more of beauty, creativity, to enjoy God.  To see, feel, taste, smell, experience more His goodness, His heart.  I long for a quiet rest for this restless heart this morning.  A quiet place of peace within the scurrying of my soul.  A place of contentment within His very being.  I desire to know His desire.  To feel what He feels.  To love what He loves.  To hate what He hates.  To be satisfied beyond anything I have known  in Him.  To go to the highest and the deepest part of His soul.  To be, to love, to do beyond what I can do.  To know more of His power and strength and wisdom.  To share in Him.  To fellowship.  To become one with Him where He floods my very existence that His life is so lived through me that I not only lose myself but I find myself in Him.  I want to touch the hem of His garment, wash His feet with my tears, anoint Him with expensive perfume, see His smile, to love who He loves, the broken, the children, the sick, the poor, the lowly at heart, the sinner.  Set captives free, touch the wounds of the broken hearted, the sick minds, the broken spirits.  To point them to the one where they will be healed and lack nothing.  To tell of His faithfulness, goodness, and love.  To give hope to the hopeless, comfort to the hurting, grieve with the grieving, help carry the burdens of those with heavy hearts.  To be Jesus to others, His hands, His feet, His heart and mind.  To tell of His riches and glory that He shares.  Of the great mystery of Jesus in us and of His glorious inheritance we share in.  To be with Him and experience His living and breathing and being in and through me.  I want to know Him in the purity of heart.  To stand in His righteousness, forgiveness and holiness.  To honor, love and respect those who don't respect and love themselves.  To point Him as life to the oppressed, dignity to the shamed, forgiveness to the guilty and hope to the hopeless.  To pray for the lost, those who do not see and cannot hear.  To be burdened for their very lost souls.  To entertain angels and house the homeless.  To be a mother to the motherless and a friend to the lonely.  I want to be buried and raised with Him.  To identify with Him.  To have no plan of my own, no dependence of my own, no self sufficiency, but to be yielded and surrendered to the One who was yielded and surrendered.  To serve as He served to who He served.

This all is to great for me but He is mighty and able to do in and through us what we cannot do.  I want to go with Him to places in His heart I have never been.  To enjoy Him in new and exciting ways.  To glory in Him.  To love Him with more of my heart, mind and soul.  I am at peace and rest now.  In His holy presence.  Consumed with Him and ready to live this day.