Does He Still Feel the Pain?

Does He still feel the Pain?

I read a post yesterday...It was talking about how we have dreams or memories of painful things that has happened to us.  We will wake up fearful and in a cold sweat.  Or we will have a flash back of what happened and for a moment.  We will feel the pain of it again, we will relive it all. Some of us cannot sleep because of these memories.  Gods memory doesn't come and go.  He remembers and feels the pain of it all, all the time, throughout eternity.  I cannot comprehend this.

I cannot comprehend the love, the passion, how it moved God to such radical abandonment for me.  There are no words to express what God, the Father, Son and Spirit experienced that day.  I can talk about the beatings, the thorns on His head, the nails in His wrist and feet, the fluid in His lungs, the spear in His side.  I can talk about the humiliation, the rejection, the denial of others, the separation, the weight of the cross.  Not just the physical weight He carried, but the cross of feeling every sin and suffering of all mankind, the defeat of death and the enemy, the price paid and the victory won.  For the joy set before Him, me and you.

Darkness covered the earth. It was done, complete, God was satisfied. The masterful, perfect, sacrificial plan for God to lay down His life and rescue His people was from start to finish.  It pleased the Father, His wrath at your and my sin had been paid for with the life and suffering of the perfect Lamb of God, the perfect Son of God, the only sacrifice that could give man a new heart and restore us to our Father.  He absorbed what we deserve, death.  Amazing love how can it be that He my God has died for me.

He said, It is finished.  All of Heaven must have burst with celebration.  It was over.  But does He still feel the pain?

I want to love God and people in a self abandoning way.  We are forgiven, they are forgiven.  How can we not forgive?  There is no sin greater than His grace, ours or others sin against us.  I want to know a taste of this Love for God and others, this bold love,  the love the Father has for the Son, given to us through the Spirit.  I want it to run through my veins, to sink deep unto deep into my soul.

The Heavens opened wide.  On the third day He arose!  The tomb was empty.  He was seated with the Father in the Heavens.  He sent His Spirit to live in us.  He has replaced our heart of stone with a heart of flesh.  So this love can have life through us.  He gives it.  We receive it.  We pour it out on others.  He is our hope.  He is our salvation, our Savior,  our King!

Does He still feel the pain?  He feels the love and so do we!

Does He still feel the pain is an amazing song on youtube.

Good Friday

Anima Christi

Prayer

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Separated from Thee let me never be
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
Forever and ever
Amen

Translation by Cardinal John Henry Newman
Soul of Christ, be my sanctification;
Body of Christ, be my salvation;
Blood of Christ, fill all my veins;
Water of Christ's side, wash out my stains;
Passion of Christ, my comfort be;
O good Jesus, listen to me;
In Thy wounds I fain would hide;
Ne'er to be parted from Thy side;
Guard me, should the foe assail me;
Call me when my life shall fail me;
Bid me come to Thee above,
With Thy saints to sing Thy love,
World without end.
Amen.

There are different versions of songs of this prayer on Youtube.  These songs and this prayer brought me to worship as the Son shines through the window pains of my heart.  Tears stream down my face as He cleanses me of all my sin.  Only He makes me worthy to come into His presence.  I am righteous with the holiness of Christ that was place within me.  Never to be taken away.  He reins, I am with Him on high.

The Way To Life

                                The Way Of The Cross

            

It was in the middle of the night.  The lights were out in our small hotel room.  I remember sitting in the floor of the tiny bathroom, door closed, light on, reading in my bible the book of Job with tears streaming down my cheeks.

We were in Charleston.  We had taken my dad to the hospital for treatment and evaluation.  He was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic.  The only treatment, until this time, was shock treatments.  The treatments, as hard as they were for us all, seemed to work for awhile, but was no long term help in our situation.  This hospital was telling of treatment for mental health with medications.  They were saying it was the chemicals in the brain that needed help. That the brain was sick like someone who was a diabetic.  These medications would help with what the brain needed to function.  It was hope for us in a hopeless situation.  I remember asking the doctor, "what are the chances me and my sister will get this"?  He said they are slim.  What you inherit is the tendency to deal with life the same way.  I did.

Even then, 40 years ago, I knew God was our answer.  That He would lead the way.  That He had a purpose in all this suffering.  I wanted to know what that purpose was.   I was trying to have wisdom and strength for my mom, I had none.  I knew somehow we both would make it. I did not know how.  I knew nothing about trusting my Father with my circumstances.  I had no idea that my peace and joy was in relationship with Him.  I just couldn’t get my life right, what I thought would make me happy.

Yesterday I began to think, what has God taught me in suffering?  What does He want to teach me?  The meditation I have enclosed are some of those things.  I think we will forever be taught of the things of God. Our relationship with Him will deepen throughout eternity.  It will never be exhausted. 

 But one day in Heaven, there will be no more suffering, pain,or tears. We will learn from the Saints of God, from the existences of Heaven.  We will learn from being face to face with God Almighty.  But for now, we can know a taste of this Kingdom life here, with Jesus, through dying to our bent.  We can have life through allowing Christ’s life press into ours.   

Jesus died instead of us.  Now He is raised for us.  To live is to die with Him.

John 12:24

²⁴ Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

God Guides Us

I woke this morning at 3am, then finally at 4am I went ahead and got up.  So I did not over sleep!  I got to the meeting of my friends even 10 minutes early.  Lots of time to just be with the Lord, review my outline and listen.  Listen to my heart, to see what was going on.  Was I going in my own strength?  Was I fearful?  Was I trusting God's presence and word to be with us all?

As I meet with my friends it became evident that it would be a good idea if the message was longer than 15 min.  More like 45.  It was evident to me that the preparation that I had done on hearing the voice of God was not going to work.  By God's grace I held the message lightly.  Through talking to my friend I felt God calling me to tell my story.  THese thoughts had started coming to me even before I left this morning as I reread our communication with each other about the talk.  I don't know why I had not seen it before.  I imagine fear kept me from seeing clearly.  We prayed before leaving for the study, also when we got there.  I knew you were lifting us up as well.

It was evident God was in our midst.  As Gods story in my life began to unfold, the women were so attentive and listening to every word.  They were so wonderful to be with.  I felt so comfortable with them.  There was no fear or anxiety.  Just friends talking about Jesus. At the end they ask questions which helped so much and shared our hearts.   We laughed together, teared up together and parted with hugs and promises to stay in contact with each other.

As Joy and I returned to meet up with Gregg, they devoted their whole morning to me.  We had breakfast together.  We share things God was doing in our lives, passions He was putting on our hearts, opportunities He was allowing us to share the gospel, and concerns we needed prayer for.  What a blessing it had been to be with my old friends and my new ones.  It truly is more blessed to give than receive. God in HIs love and mercy for us uses us for the Kingdom.  Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you Gregg and Joy for giving me the opportunity and yourselves.   God answered beyond my imagination...

Who We Truly Are

Do you want to know who you really are? To lose your life, give up on being king of your world, for His sake is to gain it, trust the true King. 

To love instead of judging. To accept instead of reject. To have peace and joy in the midst of suffering. To ask instead of know. To learn from others. To be lead the way to go. To have a compassion for those who have less than you. To have mercy for those who have hurt you. Forgiveness for those who have sinned against you. To have faith when you face the unexpected. To be humble instead of proud. To enjoy God. To experience the heart of worship.

To have love, through Christ, is to know who you truly are....You radiate His face as He passes before you and lives in and through you. I see it in others, my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want this...It is beyond me and my capabilities. But I have to believe in Him it is possible.

C. S. Lewis observed, "The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become — because he made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own."

My Life is Spinning

My circumstances reveal where my heart is. What I am trusting in. In Gods mercy He has allowed difficult circumstances in my life to keep my heart turned toward Him. He has allowed the things I have trusted in, hoped for, placed my joy and peace in to fail me. I am so thankful he has rescued me from the spinning wheel I life.

There use to be a man on a talent show on television years ago. He had long sticks, held upright, in his hands, mouth and head. He was balancing these sticks as they were spinning. On the end of the sticks, there were plates also spinning. He kept them going and balanced. This represented, to me, what I was trying to do in my life.

The plates represented things like my children, my marriage, ministry, reputation, duties to the community and to family, time spent with God. The plates would fall from time to time and I would bend down, pick the plate up, place it back on the stick, while balancing the others and set it spinning again. Then I got tired, holding my arms up, my head back and keeping my life spinning. One by one the plates began to fall, all of them, to the ground, breaking into hundreds of pieces. I fell also, flat of my back, but the grace of it all, I was looking up! Until then my eyes were focused on me balancing everything and all these plates represented.

Apart from this breakage, I would not have been able to see that I was at the center of my life. Also I was teaching my children and husband to have me there. I was trying to be the savior of the world. Like Eve in the garden, I wanted to be God.

Through these years of the struggle with mental illness God has taught me how to begin to trust in Him, not me and not my circumstances. I thought because I wanted good things, I wanted what God wanted. Gods ways are not our ways. He is extremely jealous of our affections and His glory. He is jealous for our complete hearts and to be the center of our lives. He does not rest nor slumber. He is relentless.

I still have down times but He does not leave me there. I think I have almost come to the point in my life of saying thank you Lord for it all. Thank you for giving me what you knew I needed and not the perfect life I was working so hard for. You are my life. You meet my every need. You are the Son that shines at the center of my universe, amongst the stars in my life. Before I experienced the rays from your light. Now I experience the Son.

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Full Circle

Full Circle

I want to precede this post saying I love my mother very much. We were so close before she died...

Do you remember when you were just a child and you thought your parents were the smartest people in the world? You thought they did not wrong.

Then as you got into your teen and twenties you began to see the flaws in them. They seemed old fashion. Maybe I know more than mom. Oh you wouldn't say that out loud probably but you sure thought it. I did.

My mom wouldn't correct me after I got older but she would all of a sudden hold her shoulders up straight. Of course I would follow. She would come behind me and reload the dishwasher just the way she always had done it. I thought, I will never do that to my children.

Now that my children are gone, I see the very things I said I would never do, like my mom, I see I did them. Those potatoes are done yet. Cut them smaller. You need more mayonnaise. Don't be so ill...you need to learn to forgive.
I see even the things I complained, to myself, about my mom I did.

As I got even older and I saw these things in me, I came full circle. My mom was the wisest woman I have ever known. She was compassionate and giving. She had a determination and a zeal for live and love for others. I wish I was more like her.

Just as I have become more like my mom the older and wiser I get. So we become like Jesus. Staying in His presence He lives His life through us. We are surprised by joy! We see things we know are not of ourselves, like loving people. We forgive when we couldn't before. We have words to pray for people and encourage them. Oh we forget this message of Grace but because He lives in us, His Spirit brings us back to the heart of the matter. We come full Circle.