Wounded Healer

By His Wounds You Are Healed

‘For this people’s heart has become calloused;

        they hardly hear with their ears,

        and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

        hear with their ears,

        understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.’” (Matthew 13:15)

Christ did not come for the well but for the sick.

I have been struggling with many issues for months now that may not be apparent to the outside world.  Several of my friends are struggling with physical illness that you would not know just by looking at them.

Our physical world speaks to us in pictures of the spiritual world.  We all come in this world sick.  Sick with shame, guilt and condemnation that the Lord wants to heal us.  We come in self focused.

The gospel heals us.  Gods love for us brings healing and was demonstrated for us in the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus.

We are a broken world with broken relationships.  I am aware of the brokenness of my own heart these last weeks.  Also aware of the heart of others.  Unless we are healed the heart can harbor hardness if we are living for ourselves.

When we see the grace that swallows up our brokenness we flourish and proclaim HIs goodness to us even in struggles.

One of the hardest things to do is to focus on God and others when you have suffering yourself.  Suffering turns the eyes inward.  You can help others have life as they are guided to keep their eyes on Jesus and the needs of others.  That is where there is life as you give the life of Christ, LOVE.

So as we are aware of our physical sickness may we also be aware of the condition of the heart that the Lord wants us to work with Him in the hearts of others.  Give life this Christmas.  A heart for others and Christ.  Remember the self centered heart is broken.  The healed life maybe honest about their pain but their focus is away from themselves as it brings healing.  To the life, love and stripes of Jesus.

Their was this young boy and his sister at our home last night.  His sister had downs.  He was so interested in her and looking out for her.  I ask him if he looked out for her.  My daughter said he does all the time.  I said do you know how special you are.  He said I am not special.  I said oh yes you are.  We gave hugs, cookies and talked some more.  Just that little bit of love blessed me and him.

When Christ was on the cross He said Father forgive them.  He said I endure for the joy, (us) before Him.  I will do the will of my Father.  Christ made it through by focusing on the greater good.  His eyes were on us and the Father and heaven.

Christ has come and we are healed by His sacrifice, stripes.  He has shown us the way to life.  Through sacrifice there is the joy of the Lord.   I pray for the Saints who are in the daily struggle to be broken for Him and that He sustains them with joy and peace.

Just as it was evident when Moses had been with God so it is with us, even in our suffering.  Our bodies are wasting away but one who knows the love of God and who dwells in HIs presence, they glow.  They bring life and blessing just because they have the glory of God around and in them.  It is the life and wonder of God in Christ.  It is the peace and joy that knows they are loved and blessed by their gracious Father no matter their circumstances.  They are kept under His wings.  The river of Grace has come over them with the gentle breath of Jesus.  There is no where they had rather be than in the mercy and plan of God.  Not because it is easy but because He is good and He heals where no man can go.  In the heart of the child of God.

Almost daily I pray for others but I pray for a gentle spirit.  One that trust in Gods sovereign plan for my day and those He brings into my life.  That He will guide me and give me the words of life for them.  That they know the love of Jesus through me.  I do not have this in and of myself.  Only by the gift and work of Christ through a broken, needy woman who can do nothing apart from Christ moment by moments work.  I know left to myself I am insecure and have feelings of guilt and shame.  Only by the blood and birth of Jesus and the reminder of the Spirit am I being mended beyond joy I never imagined.

As I sit and enjoy these pictures from last year...I pray for the time with my family this year.  That I do get what needs to be done but remember also what is important.  It is a look of unconditional love given to me by Jesus...and me to those around me as I remember all guilt and shame is gone.  How precious others are and lose myself.  Remember the Savior that has set me free to live and love from a heart touched by God.

You are forgiven

You are Healed

God is whispering for us to be Thankful always

Thankfulness is contagious.

Taste and see that the Lord He is good!

I have been thinking of ways to love even when I do not feel like it.  Feelings are not reliable.  It is hard to be thankful and be depressed.  This is the perfect time of year to spread thankfulness and gratitude.  It is a heart changer.  It begins by turning and humbling of the will to be thankful no matter what.

I have had some neat times with my family and friends.  Jordan, my grandson and I went fishing.  Well mostly him fish and me talk lol.  

We had a good time and he had to return to school.  When he woke the next morning he discovered all his fishing material had been stolen.  He was shocked but admitted it was not good to leave them in the back of his truck.

I gave him time to be sad and talk through it.  Then the next day I shared with him to be thankful.  He had lost his equipment but Jesus has given him so very much.  It just softened his heart and he agreed.

There are times I get down when my heart is not where I want it to be.  We do not have to give in to our feelings but surrender to the will and purposes of God.  We have a new heart and have the mind of Jesus.  He lives His life and love through us to others.  Believing He gives this to us as we turn to Him is one of the most beautiful things.  It is HIs glory when this transformation happens and we live it through us.

We cannot change our heart but we can cooperate with the Spirit.  We humble ourselves before the Lord and ask for repentance.  A changed heart.  His grace to change and His love to pour out through us to a broken world.  We can ask for brokenness for those we know and love.  For God to be gentle please in showing them and us our need for the Savior.  Rest before Him until His mercy and grace works a wonder of love and thanksgiving in us.

It is about an intimate relationship with God and others. It is about sustaining grace with joy instead of deliverance from troubles.  It is entering the dance of diving glory of heaven and spreading it here on earth through the Spirit by Jesus and us.  It is giving the love of God to an unlovely world made perfect.  Our Savior is rescuing us from a self centered life that relinquishes our control.

God is so serious about this thankfulness He writes about in HIs word, He decided to give us a banquet party. Thanksgiving.  Start today being thankful and spreading it in the world to those around you.  In all things give thanks.  God uses it all for good and beauty and wonder in His time and His purpose, where those around you praise Him.

The gift of Jesus brings a grateful heart always.  Accepting His plan for your life as a gift from a loving Father brings contentment, thankfulness and rest.  His grace is sustaining happiness beyond anything this world has to offer.  This is a gift of faith we ask for, that comes at times, trusting His love beyond struggles.  Thankfulness in suffering and struggles is the eclipse of His glory.  It is finally grasping the love of God beyond any circumstance.  His care and love for you beyond His very own life.

Fight the good Fight

Fight the Good Fight

“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”^[a]—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—

Last week I had a bad headache and slept night and day and night.  My son came and got me out of bed and on to a bobcat chopping wood to try to steer away the depression that had set in and made me motionless.

It was amazing what the outdoors and the labor did for my mental attitude.  Did for my heart, my health.


He talked to me about how hard it is to do the thing you know will make you better.  That it is not easy to make yourself get up and do things that you have no energy or seemingly will to do it.  That is where Christ comes in.  Doing what you cannot do.

My daughter said she does the hard thing because she likes the outcome.


I have gone through years of pulling my boot straps up and making myself suck it up and just do the right thing.  I think I did it for all the wrong reasons.  I did it for me.  For me to succeed and look good and be right.  It was the heart that led me to bitterness and anger and hard heart when I did not get the result I wanted.


Now I may suffer to do the right thing but it is for the glory of God.  What He can do with and in me.

A heart He can transform in me that does things to enjoy God and others.  To not labor in vain but bring light to a dark world.  To show the goodness of God and hope when there seems to be no hope at all.  To do the hard next thing...That brings about joy and union with Jesus.

LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE FOR THE SOUL!!  SUNSHINE!  MY SON AND HUSBANDS DIRECTIONS WERE TO GET OUT AND WORK EVERYDAY.  TAKING LOTS OF VITAMIN D.

It is odd to me how we have to fight to have a normal life.  Hard work, giving to others, eating good food, sunshine, enjoying each other in good relationships that help you grow, laugh and care.  Focus on each other and God more than ourselves and the media.  Enjoying nature and fresh air.  Using life to build memories that will never fade away.  Learning to meditate and rest and ponder what life is and who people are and how to invest in them all.

A CURE FOR DEPRESSION?  MAYBE.  A GOOD LIFE IS WORTH A TRY!

God has a work He has planned to do in you and He will bring it to competition no matter what.  It will be brought forth by His love and His Spirit, by Jesus.  He will bring the fruit as you trust and surrender it will be beautiful even in the suffering.

I don't care what it takes, but if you get down, grab hold of someone, think... finish the race.  We do not give up, give in, quit, but do what it takes to keep on keeping on.  There is a prize and His name is Jesus and He holds on to you and He will never ever let you go.  Move into the very core of His being, into His heart where you enter into HIs suffering by yours.

Park daily in Gods word and the Spirit will write it on your heart.  Scripture will be there when you need it.  Pray continually and ask for help and rescue and glory to bring forth goodness He purposes.   Pouring my thoughts out on paper to Jesus daily and giving them to Him brings such peace.

IT IS THROUGH SUFFERING THAT WE LEARN  PERSEVERANCE AND JOIN IN THE VERY HEART OF JESUS.  HE SANTIFIES EVEN OUR SUFFERING TO BE FOR GOOD AND HIS GLORY.

Forgive as you are forgiven

Loving much because I am forgiven much.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

A Sinful Woman Forgiven

36 Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat. 37 And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, 38 and stood at His feet behind Himweeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

40 And Jesus answered and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.”

So he said, “Teacher, say it.”

41 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”

And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.” 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped themwith the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”

48 Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 And those who sat at the table with Him began to say to themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

50 Then He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

My most favorite time is my families birthday.  Happy birthday my son.  Instead of celebrating he spent this year working in the hay field and having a roping at the Farm.  He is a joy of my life.  I don't know what his dad would do without him.

Spending time with family and loving it.

We can't be together without talking about Jesus, relationships and life.  I talk to my grandson about marriage, dating, living life and enjoying God and things to beware of.

I remember many years ago I use to have such a smart, underneath my breath, mouth.  Mockery.  Anytime someone would say something, I would have a quick tongue.  I would say cutting remarks. Huff or puff.  Roll my eyes.   I would try to hurt them more and deeper than they hurt me.

Oh I worshiped God and loved my family but my heart was selfish and self centered.  I wanted to look good.  I wanted to be right.  I wanted to win.   An automatic negative response.

We all come into this world centered on ourselves.  Satan has a hold on us.  It is the process of suffering and teaching and lots of love that we begin to think of others more than ourselves.  

Once taken captive of the love of Jesus just as I am.  Coming to a point where wanting Jesus way and the Fathers way more than my selfish way. It is Christ in me.   I know I do not know what is best without asking my Father.  He works in my heart to make me willing.  He does in me what I cannot do.

I see that humidity is the way to defeat evil.  Gods weakest point beats evil, hate, lying, stealing, unclean sex, unforgiveness, habits and addictions that keep us captive. The hardest of hearts that run from Him are brought near into loving submission and surrender.   No matter what the struggle the victory has been won.   The story has been written and it cannot be messed up.  Christ won our hearts and we are His warrior.  The confidence of living in the already finished and the love of the Father is the assurance we need to keep the faith in the most difficult situations.

During these years of mental disorder I have been able to relate to every person in the bible.  Their sin I could see in my heart.  It has been a real struggle to move out of focusing on my sin and realizing the love of God for me.  Now when I see my sin, I praise God for Jesus and praise Him for the cross.  I fold up in the loving arms of my Father and rest, forgiven.

When Christ died on the cross He defeated evil and paid the price for our sin.  We are declared righteous with the inputed righteousness of Christ.  So when the Father looks at us He does not see our sin but the beauty of Jesus.  Holy, righteous.  Living out of this righteousness and claiming it.  Existing in the presence, acceptance, and love of God.

So we begin to see beauty in all of creation and those you know and love.  You see that building others up and encouraging them is the way to change.  Love triumphs wrong.  So you are determined to love others to the arms of Jesus.  For them to see the beauty in themselves and the wonder of Jesus and the gospel in them.  It is through death that there is life.  Our words bring death or life.  Our works are predestined for kingdom building before time.

So be brave and do good.  Humble yourself before your God and others so the glory of God may shine through.

A simple, contemplative life

I am where I am for the furtherance of the Gospel

and the purpose of Gods kingdom

Hard times are but a feather in the palm of His hand.

It is used to turn my cheek toward my Savior and Redeemer

It has been my opinion that during this difficult time, my life was wasted.  Sleeping a lot, painful body, confusion in reading and studying, not driving, bouts of depression and then abundant laughter. Gaining and loosing weight and all that goes with it have made up this last year.  Grasping for encouragement and hope that there was meaning in my dark days seemed empty apart from my contemplation and meditation on who He is and who I am.

The truth is this has been a wonderful time for me as far as my growth and knowledge of Christ.  It has been a new phase of what my life is to look like.  I have learned to keep care of my soul and heart.  To take care and find the place of the redeemers heart close to mine.

I have focused on Jesus but it has not been without a struggle because of the distractions of the noise of my struggling physical demanding my mind.   His care for me never failed.

 The breath prayer have mercy on me a sinner, Oh God, goes with me.  Praying for grace to make it and praise for the power of the Spirit with me always was without ceasing many times during the day.

"The hope of my heart"

But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.

My day begins with journaling my heart out to my Lord.  Reading Spurgeon.  Having a contemplative, meditation time spent focusing on the Lord and His goodness.  Waiting for Him to show me anything that is hindering my peace with Him and the world, others. The Spirit brings to mind a section of the bible or a verse.  I study it, pray over it and just exist and experience it as it becomes a part of me.

 Jesus is calling me to a simple, quiet life where my heart is at rest.  I have had my heart before Jesus and the Spirit and soaked in the love of the Father.  Love and peace and tranquility surrounds my time with God.  He has kept my heart in His hands and near His heart with a gentle passion of jealous, care and given me the assurance of a deeper transforming work in me.

Being more honest and transparent.  Releasing my preoccupations, cares and sins to my good Shepherd frees me to be filled with all He has for me.  I am careful to share my thoughts with a close knit group.  God gives us community and spiritual family, the body of Christ,  to help us stay within His will.  They need wisdom, compassion, faith and someone you can trust with your heart.

The works of the Lord, in a heart continually yielded to Him, is a heart of contentment and a growing even more aware of the stirrings within me.  There is no loneliness that He cannot fill.  No longing that He does not render complete.  No need He cannot meet.  No will He cannot yield to His.  He is the master of the quiet and simple life of a desired life to HIs ways.  He will comfort, shield and rescue the wondering heart to His.

You must have ownership of your heart in order to surrender it to Him.  The ways of the world is continually trying to occupy our mind, heart and will.  The first fruit love,  He brings forth is to be given to Him.  Our purpose turns from trying to gain the approval and impress man by filling our need for importance as a good christian by looking unconsciously for the praise of man.  It must die as a grain of wheat falls to the ground.  God is faithful to continue to prune all that steals our heart away from the first fruit being brought forth and given to Him.

 He is but a breath away and a constant affection of His.  Never to be disappointed in you or you Him. He sings and delights Himself in me and my presence with Him.  Just enjoying Him and who He is.  Recognizing His favor in me.   All hope and love is never short when leaning on the heart, will and care of your Lord.

Peace comes as you humble yourself and yield your heart to the story of the God of all.  As like John you lay your head upon His breast.  A kindness is desired and longed for. A craving for the righteousness of Jesus to be lived out fills me.   The well being of others is above my own.  You seek wholeness and healing.  You are aware of your hearts tendencies and praying with a breath for your heart and others.  Seeing that goodness is about God always no matter how life falls.  His jealousy to be known and enjoyed and praised won't let us go.  Having His favor is most important. His beauty consumes you, sustains you and satisfies you as you look to the cross.  Knowing He also looks to the cross. Once it has overtaken you and His beauty is before you then He is the greatest and most wonderful part of your life.  He is your life.  It is a simple life.  Smiling on tomorrow.  For you know He holds the future.  You do not question His power as He turns your heart and cares with the touch of His will.

You no longer trust your judgement but long for His heart and will by HIs Spirit to reign in your life.  You see goodness in the most difficult of days and things.  Your purpose is for His kingdom and this is all worked out by Him and in His time.  You have a confidence that He is master and nothing or no one can stop His plan to come to be and pass.  It brings an excitement and it takes your breath away as you see it unfold before you as you are laid out before Him in desiring to be used by Him.  You see His way is the desire that He brings to you.  Trusting unfolds.  Fulfillment is obtained.  A new creation is being created as the song of redemption is being sung in your  innermost being.

Life is lived in the fullest when it is spent in the presence of my Lord.

Love and humility and Gods will is His gift that only He can bring.

He designs the miracle of changing my heart to a fountain, an ocean of grace,  Him living through me.

This time has quieten my heart and soul and lay me down at the feet of my Lord in amazement in the shadow of His glory and love for me.  It has settled me beneath the Almighty in His whisper, whatever it maybe.

A new creation, redemption, and loving others.  A humble confidence and boldness that is assured of God, who He is and what His Spirit and word stands for and means.  People and their approval do not determine their future or who they are.  Gentleness amidst bravery.  Not afraid to stand for the truth with compassion nor against the majority if necessary.  It may mean standing alone or getting lost in a crowd.  Whose heart is full of praise and enjoyment in Him, newly found way of the Masters' piece.  He fully enjoys bringing it about.  To do the impossible is His joy!

Life during this time was a struggle to persevere and keep hope.  As my body hurt I couldn't help but wonder if there was an option to be had.  I poured my heart out to God over and over begging Him to rescue me.  To renew my heart and don't please leave me to myself and He always did keep His promise.

I was finding myself looking and thinking about me more and more.  I grieved over my selfishness that the suffering seemed to bring.  I felt worthless many times and could not see any end to the path that I was on.  I seemed to be looking into a broken mirror many times and seeing fractured me.  I knew I was not to feel these things and all it did was pile on the guilt and frustration that kept my eyes to my failure.

It is not that my struggles are not still present...  I see life and people still as broken pieces needing the healer.  But through the Master's eyes, love, faithfulness and goodness and the rest of life... through a beautiful stained glass, created by the designer Himself.  Put together with the torn hands and poured out blood for me that says it is His perseverance.  He is the hope.  It is His love and His surrender.  His faithfulness and goodness.  His plan and His Spirit and power will see me through.  So I have the confidence that He has a plan to prosper me and glorify Himself through me.   I cannot be lost anywhere along the way.  His rescue is upon my lips of praise.  What a Savior!