New Attitude

Vacations are great I guess.  I don't take many.  Just sitting on the screened in porch.  Hearing the fireworks, listening to the critters here and feeling the breeze and smell of the ocean.  Sounds wonderful doesn't it.  It is nice and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I miss the quiet of my home.  The silence I am use to.  Haven't seen a sunrise yet.  Think I will try to get out in the morning.  I miss having my own space to meditate and ponder.  Hearing the music I so love.  Reading and studying.  Am not writing anything except here.   On the flip side loving being with family.  Really going to miss them when they leave.

Went to lunch and a little shopping with an old friend today.  Really loved seeing her and catching up.  Been to the beach and for ice cream with the grand boys.  So wish they were closer.  They grow up so fast.  Where does the time go?

I pray I am not so self centered the rest of the time here.  I need to be giving more instead of thinking of my inconveniences.  So enjoy my family but felt so tired on coming here.  I have a migraine tonight.  Been trying to cut out the sodas and not so much caffeine.  Maybe why Don't really know.

Gonna pray for a new attitude tonight.  Would like to take a walk on the beach in the morning.  Haven't taken advantage of being here.  More family comes tomorrow.  Just want to enjoy our time left here and with them all.  I am just rambling.  Hope you have a good night and find the peace that our Savior provides.  The comfort from His heart to yours.

He knows me

It has been a good day.  Rest body and soul.  Didn't know I was so tired.  Got a glimpse at the ocean.  It is amazing how big God is.  How great His creation is. It is so vast.  I am but a speck of dust in comparison but yet He loves and knows all about me.  I have no fear of being open and honest with Him about my heart.  He is fully aware before a though comes into being in my mind.  When there was silence and void He was.  So incomprehensible that He always was and always will be.  That He knew me before time.

Awake from a Dream

Have you ever felt like you just woke up from a dream and you weren't asleep?  I feel like the last year of my life was a dream.  Things happened to me that were bigger than life.  It was like a dream world.  Now I have awakened and I want to know who I am.  What life is all about.  My life.  I need some time.  Time to ponder the things of God.  His purposes.  He allows weird things sometimes to bring about His purposes.  We know His ways are not our ways.  He is all knowing.  He is ever present.  He is in control.  I cannot fathom His awesome power.

I love diving into the mind of God.  Who can know it.  But He does want us to know Him and we will spend all of eternity getting to know Him.  He fascinates me beyond words.  His presence wells up inside me and overcomes me with love.

God lets our hearts loose and exposes its loves and desires.  Then He ask us to give it all up and follow Him.  THe pain of loosing it puts you in the deepest kind of fellowship and relationship with God that you would know no other way.  It is an experience above all human reasoning and imagination.  He is so worth it all.  To Him I give.  Myself I die.  To Him I live.

Receive Me

It 4a.m.  Have tossed and turned and been awake most of the night.  Probably too much coffee.  But lots on my mind.  I think God wants to do something surprisingly different in me.  I can feel it.  It almost feels like I reach for it and it slips right through my fingers.  Or it is just beyond my reach.

Do you ever think something is owed you?  Something you deserve and demand almost.  I can't be happy unless I have...  I know plenty of people who have this and they appear to have wonderful lives. I would never say these things to God but when the Spirit searches my heart that is how I see Him reveal it to me.

When I don't receive what I think I deserve in life and instead get pain.  I turn inward, isolate, run to something else I think will lick my wounds.  Withhold myself and protect from other possible vulnerable situations that might dig deeper into my prolonged pain.

Sometimes I think Gods is saying don't try to figure it out just love me.  Accept my love.  Receive me.

Amazing Grace

AMAZING GRACE!!!!!

Max Lucado

Today's MP3 Mount Everest is sudden blinding snow.  Temperatures are hovering below zero.  In two hours, Dan Mazur would be at the summit realizing a lifelong dream.  He sees a flash of color; a person perched on a razor-edged rock. “What’s your name?” he shouts. “Lincoln Hall,” was the reply. Earlier he’d heard the announcement, “Lincoln Hall is dead on the mountain.” Dan was face to face with a miracle.  He was also face to face with a choice!  Descending a mountain has profound risks.  How long would Lincoln live anyway?  He had to choose.  Abandon his dream or abandon Lincoln Hall. We make defining decisions every day.  Not on Everest, but with spouses, children, at work, in school, in churches.  Jesus tells us to “honor others above ourselves.”   Give more than requested.  Do more than demanded. The sweetest satisfaction lies not in climbing your own Everest, but in helping others climb theirs! “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. Romans 12:10″

The Lion

These past few weeks have been hard.  I have felt like God was silent and I didn't know why.  The things that kept coming to my mind were that He loved me and He would never leave me.  But then I would see the condition of my heart.  It was no good.  My true motives for wanting something.  Something that I thought I had to have to be ok.  I saw jealously, pride, covet and so much more because of these root things that I wanted.  When I didn't get them I saw the things I ran to.  Like my addictions.  The things I hide in and find comfort in.  The things I thought would save me.

In the quiet of my time with the Lord the Spirit revealed so much to me I was broken.  THings I had never thought of before.  Things I never thought were a problem for me.  I was running to my comfort instead of God and it was very clear by His silence.  I felt confused but somehow still hung on to Christ love for me and that no sin of mine was bigger that the cross.

But what was God doing...

Right outside my porch under the eve of the house there is a little bird nest I have been watching.  I saw the mother cover the eggs with her wings.  Then I saw three little birds hatch.  During this time other birds would come to the nest and the mother bird would fight them off.  She would feed them, protect them, care for them, fight for them.  They could not defend or fly or do anything for themselves.

I see God doing this for me.  But I don't see Him as a small little bird I see Him as a Lion.  King of the beast.  Greatest of all.  And He has come to fight for me.  To rescue me from these things.  I am defenseless.  I can do nothing of my own.  I look to the King, the Lion.  And I am saved.