Such precious times

I already miss my daughter.  After the kids would go to bed and a hectic, busy, loud, demanding, fun day.  She and I would sit on the back porch, the fans blowing, the crickets singing and  the darkness would come upon us.  We would just sit there together.  Sometimes talking, sometimes not.  Smoking cigarette, drinking coke and listening to her sing her favorite songs with youtube all night long.  We would sit there with each other til the sun began to rise.  I learned so much from her.  She is such a wise woman.  Suffering has taught her so much.  As I sit here tears streaming down m;y face I can't help but think she will never know my love for her til she does an alnighter with her daughter when she is a woman.  Such precious times.

Long distant relationships

The house is empty of the crying and laughter that has filled the house for a month.  All there is left are the remains of my grandchildren being here.  A little building out of legos.  A half glass of chocolate milk in the refrigerator.  A few soda cans.  My sons dog the kids enjoyed playing with so much while they were here.  Chuck, the dog stopped many of tears and arguments.  Funny what the love of an animal can do.

My daughter and her children left today after being with us for a month.  I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails.  My granddaughter said, "Mem why can't you go with us".  Oh if she only knew how badly I wanted to be with them.  While they were here I saw me in her mother.  Her mother in her good and bad.  My family reminds me of what heaven must be like sinners who are loved beyond imagination.

They all were tired when they left.  Lots of friends and family the last week trying to get in the last visits and fun before they left.  Please pray for them and their safe travel.

Well life will go on.  To the next challenge,  the next event, the next circumstance.  I wonder what tomorrow will hold for us all.  I wonder who they will grow up to be.  What will be the joys and sorrows of their life.  Could I have helped in some way I don't see now.  You want to go past their little faces into their hearts and hear what they are really saying.  What their fears maybe.  How to nurture true beliefs.  Their minds are like little sponges.  Ready to learn and experience life.  They see only the best and ignore the rest but what impact does life have on them?

Will they remember the wrestling of the calf?  The fishing.  The exploring of the farm and beach in years to come?  I pray they grow to enjoy God.  They appreciate His creation.  They learn to express their little hearts to a loving heavenly Father.  They grow to experience their gifts and talents not only for themselves to glorify God but to bless others.

For the months to come it is long distant relationships.  I want to think of ways to help them grow in love and security.  I want to take little opportunities I have missed to let them know how important they are to me and to God.  I want to make a difference because I love them, their mother and God who ultimately loves them more than me.

Jesus is enough

Don't you love how when the Spirit is teaching you something it keeps coming us in circumstances, through people and writings.  Today I read a post that in part is so much what God is teaching me I had to pass it on.

The idols of my life have been so strong.  Did I have the power and strength to resist the temptation they promised.  That I would surely die if I did not get comfort, love, strength from them and all the other lies they offered.  It is said our hearts are nest of idols.  But I had particular ones that were very tempting and strong.  I knew all things were possible to those who were in Christ Jesus but did I know how to appropriate the power of God in pulling away from the magnet that so had a hold of me.  All I know is I came to a point I knew I could not do it in and of myself.  I had to cry out to God that I would love Him more than anything this world had to offer.  I saw them as temporal and my relationship and life with God as eternal.

I had to ask myself...if I lost my money, fame, relationship with my children, marriage, my grandchildren and friends would Jesus be enough.  So many times I had returned to the lovers of the world instead of my soul.  But this time Christ would give me the strength in my weakness to walk away.  It kept coming up and I had to keep returning to Christ instead.  Turning from our idols is probably the hardest thing we will ever do because they are so strong.  Even with the grace of God it takes our cooperation in what the Spirit is doing in setting us free.

There comes a point that the flood gates of heaven open up.  That we see that even if everything is gone Jesus will be enough.  He is all we need.  He is the only secure thing that we have in this life.
Everything else vanishes like the lilies of the valley that are here for a season.

You do not even realize you are in the dark until the light begins to shine.  Without the Spirit we are blinded to our own sin.  We justify, blame others and deny the sin that has such a hold on us.

I am so thankful for the grace I have today, right now to say Jesus is enough.  Temptation may come stronger than ever because I am writing of Gods faithfulness.  But I am His and He will not turn His back on me whether I stand or fall.  It is not about me but what God does in our hearts and who He is.

Our chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  He is breaking good leaders to use us in His kingdom plan.  He is getting us into a position to move us into our purpose.  To make us useful in the lives of others.  To be one who brings the good news of Jesus into hopeless lives.  To tell of Him and His love for sinners.  That we are His beloved.

Too Bad for Too Long

Corrie Ten Boone said there is no pit too deep that God doesn't reach deeper still.  Right now I must believe that.  When the same thing keeps happening over and over and over do you give up?  Is it too hard for God?  What must He be doing in seemingly hopeless situations.  Is it hopeless?  Is it too bad?  Too wrong?  For too long?

My heart breaks as I fight for hope.  I am in a desperate situation with someone.  All my resources are spent.  All my energy is gone.  All my ideas have proven wrong.  I am in complete dependence on God.

Does He leave us to ourselves to despair.  That we see what we are apart from Him.  To bring our heart to an on fire state for Him and His righteousness.  That we are willing to do whatever it takes to change and follow Him.  That He fights not against flesh and blood but spiritual to set us free from our selves and the evil that lurks to destroy us.  I have to remember the battle has been won.  That the victory is a part of history never to be changed.  That it affects us, our lives, our future and is our hope.

God never sleeps nor slumbers.  He never forgets His own nor passes them by.  His children never get beyond His reach.  He never leaves His creation.  Nothing happens to us that does not pass through His fingers of love.

Helpless to Save Ourselves

I don't know when I have been so full of mixed emotions.  My heart aches for the ones I love.  There is nothing like suffering along side someone you love dearly and being helpless to help.  You are solely dependent on God to intervene.  To rescue, to save to deliver.  To open eyes and hearts that are self absorbed.  Pride keeps a heart from turning to others for help and support.  And appreciating when they do.  Someone can be their worse enemy.  So consumed they cannot receive.  To receive takes humility.  It takes getting your eyes on others and their needs.  Knowing they helpless to save themselves.

Martin Luther says we are caterpillars in a ring of fire.  The only deliverance in from above.

The Israelites were full of grumbling and complaining.  They could not appreciate the deliverance of God from Slavery.  Nor did they see His love for them and His provision for them for every need.  It kept them from entering into the promised land.  I do not want this to be me or the ones I love.

Fun at the Ocean

My granddaughter has been scared of storms.  She went out on the beach the first few days.  Then she and I were watching television and it said something about it storming at the beach.  She would not go back to the beach for fear of the storm.  We all decided to go to the beach so she had to go.  There was no one for her to stay with.  After explaining, coaxing, begging her mother had to drag her to the beach.  When she got there she began to play in the sand.  Then I look over and she was running to the ocean soon to hit the waves with all her might.  She was free from fear and having the time of her life.

I thought my Father has to do the same thing with me.  Drag me into my fears to delight.  As long as I stand at bay I will never live life to its fullest or experience the joys it has to offer.  The wonderful gifts my Father has given me.

None is wasted

After last night of having a migraine all night and being sick with it.  Today I have had much quiet time, solitude and rest.  Much to think about.  I feel wonderful.  Thank you.  I know some of you were praying for that for me.

Scripture talks about a grain of wheat falling to the ground and dying.  That there is life after death.  To me this is an example of the cross.  Christ death on our behalf brings us life, eternal life but more than that.  Life here and now.  We can be so consumed by the interruptions of this life.  Of the pain, sorrow and suffering of ourselves and the ones we love our world can be colored black and white.  Mostly black.

To tell someone God has a plan.  Trust in God.  He will use it for good.  All seems like a cliche.  When they are knocked to their knees so many times you wonder how they rise up again.  You must listen with compassion.  With your heart not your quick answers.  Pray with your heart and soul.  Feel their pain as if it were your own.  That is what Christ did.  He felt every pain, rejection, suffering we will ever feel at the cross.

I don't understand God right now.  How such horrific things can be captured to allow His purpose and His glory.  How our death can bring us fellowship with Him.  How it can bring us glory to share with Him in the future kingdom.  But it is a promise.  Dying can be quick and glorifying or it can be slow and dreary.  I pray to glorify God in my death.  Do I do that in the death here on earth or do I struggle to survive my way.  I think I know what is best.  I want the less painful way for all.  His ways are beyond my comprehension but I know He wants to know we love Him and know Him.  Not to figure it all out but to receive His love with our wounded open heart vulnerable, broken, contrite.  Only He can bring us to this point and not hard and bitter.

We try to find our own way but there is no way but His.  Without Him we are lost.  It all is senseless without Him and with Him none is wasted.  No pain, no tear, no despair is wasted.  It all has purpose and use in His perfect hand of the potter.  We are to be molded into His image.  It is His light and there is no darkness in light.  It is the light unto our path and the truth of this mighty King we serve.

John 12:24
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.